hi. i don't know what i'm doing.

[Nex]

Hi Nex, welcome to the forum. From your description of yourself, it seems like you mask (hide) your real self from others. A good psychiatrist would be able to pick up on the masking. And eventually work through it.
Depending on where you're located in Canada, closest to a major city, you might be able to be accessed by someone with a background in autistic adults. If that's what you want. It might answer some questions for you.

Thanks. I'm in a city. Not big like Toronto or Vancouver. But there's probably a specialist here, somewhere.

 

[Nex]

Welcome to the forums, I had a nice time chatting with you earlier. I hope you like it here.

Me too! I'll maybe pop into chat later. I don't know.

 

[Nex]

Some of those things you described reminded me of stuff growing up. Sometimes l felt like an observer and it was weird. I never felt like l fit in and l was accused of being stuck up but l was really just socially awkward. Think you have done an excellent job of describing you thought process and how you feel! Have you ever thought about writing? Your obsessions were exactly the same as my daughters, just add in Xbox, Pokemon, sewing and anime everything. But the other outsiders would usually be friends with me, maybe they were on the spectrum. We usually got along great. Hope this forum helps you feel more accepted.

Yeah. I was/am an astute observer of humans. I can identify others' feelings, even if I don't know what to do with that information. I just can't identify myself.
I've thought of writing. I've tried it. I'm more of a visual artist, but something has just been stopping me from even drawing.
Oh, I'm 33, but I'm still obsessed with Pokemon. It's great for people who love collecting things.

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

Thank you!

HI Nex
I am a 55year old women who had a life time of "difference" my feelings of isolation, withdrawal, and anxiety heightened as a teenager triggered by what is a confusing time for all people, i saw a psychologist and a doctor put me on antidepressants and was unable at 15 to complete my education.
Skipping forward in life i spent the next 25 years with a self loathing and disappointment in being me that took me to various bouts of depression and anger at the world and people working along my now self realisation that as a person of extrovert nature with Aspergers the very thing i craved for well being ie people and accepted was tricky to get due to my Autism.
At 40 whist reading a book by Tony Attwood as research for a job i spotted myself within the diagnostic criteria for Aspergers and thought "wow' that explains it all. My GP sent me to a psychologist then a Learning difficulties specialist to explain how i was. I have been employed in low paid care, retail jobs for special needs as my obsession/special interests are feeling, behavior and looking after others, sorry i've gone off the point, so i funded my own diagnosis with the Autistic centre for communication disorders and yay i got a full report and a certificate so i could declare my disability to employers and get reasonable adjustments to have a career.
Generally people don't get my different way of being and due to my sensitivity to difference of opinions,dread of criticism and blunt nature i have lost lots of jobs.Friendships are a constant struggle and i continue to try and navigate the complexities of .Self acceptance for me is the key and CBT therapy has helped,i hope my sharing has been helpful and i wish you good luck in your self acceptance.

Always helpful to see what others have experienced, and the things that helped them.

Welcome to the forums.
Your life story sounds very much like mine as I grew up.
So, I just never grew up!
Maybe if I had been diagnosed earlier than in my 50's, it would have been different.
I didn't have the hair pulling. Mine was skin picking and lip biting.
And I knew my emotions very well. I just usually didn't want to express them.

Hope you find a good specialist and get the help you seek.
Glad you are joining in here!

Growing up is a trap! Haha. I grew up fast, didn't have much time to "be a kid". So when I became older, I made sure to stay young at heart. lol

View attachment 60770

Thanks!

Warm wellcome Nex

If you feel this way about youre psychiatrist then you need talk to her about this and if you still dont feel right get another one.

One thing you must remember in this kind of therapy relatinship is they arent mind readers you have to tell them how you feel and what problems you have.

Welkome to my world (only mien is life in general )

Yeah. I'm thinking of finding another psychiatrist. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, and she expects me to know what I'm doing. I just don't know sometimes, ya know?

Hi Nex

View attachment 60771

Thank you!

 

[Joel's Hear]

I hope so, too! I hope things are going well with you!

Things are going pretty well. I have four kids, and they keep me busy. Usually in a good way.

Like you, I cannot hold down a job, really, for longer than six months. I speak well, though, and can do other things, but social miscues and extreme sensitivities to light and sound keep a standard, Neurotypical-focused job quite out of my reach. People give me a lot of flak about it, "You don't seem disabled. You don't look autistic..." What do autistic people look like anyway?

Claire, the kids, and I spent about a year in BC, but aren't familiar with any other part of Canada.

I have been really forcing myself to be social these days, but it's hard. I tend to be more introverted than extroverted.

 

[Sarah S]

Yeah. I'm thinking of finding another psychiatrist. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, and she expects me to know what I'm doing. I just don't know sometimes, ya know?

Its NOT youre job nor duty to know anything. Its there job too help you find out together. I understand.

 

[tducey]

Welcome to our little corner of the internet, hope you enjoy it here. Also if you want to get diagnosed I'd suggest going to a psychologist.