Help with a friend (bi-polar)

[Sherlock77]

Not me...

A good friend of mine who I've been casually dating for over a year took a turn for the worse recently. She is bi-polar, I am self diagnosed Asperger's, we are both artists.

I don't know much of what happened, but do know that within the last week she was admitted to a local mental health ward in bad condition. My pastor filled me in today about what is going on. She has bad paranoia right now, and because her paranoia is related to her friends he didn't recommend any visits by anyone.

It sounds like a waiting game at this point, with me looking in from the outside. It also sounds like her paranoia extended to her cell phone, which was recently replaced, likely with a new phone number. Thankfully we are still in the same social circles, mainly through church for future connections, hopefully.

I had a feeling recently that she wasn't quite right, I feel helpless right now, but as a Christian I know I can pray. She is a Christian as well.

Just hoping and praying right now...

 

[Fino]

Was she medicated prior to the hospitalization? I'm just wondering if her stay would involve an adjustment to her medication or if she'd be starting entirely new medication. That would give some indication of how long you'd expect it to be before she's feeling better.

I was going to say something about insurance and psychiatric facilities, but I see you're in Canada and I'm in the US so I'm sure it's different. Here we can only stay in the hospital the amount of days set by our insurance, unless, of course, someone is willing to pay thousands per day or rack up tremendous debt. They'll even find excuses to keep you in just to max out the insurance.

 

[Sherlock77]

Was she medicated prior to the hospitalization? I'm just wondering if her stay would involve an adjustment to her medication or if she'd be starting entirely new medication. That would give some indication of how long you'd expect it to be before she's feeling better.

I was going to say something about insurance and psychiatric facilities, but I see you're in Canada and I'm in the US so I'm sure it's different. Here we can only stay in the hospital the amount of days set by our insurance, unless, of course, someone is willing to pay thousands per day or rack up tremendous debt. They'll even find excuses to keep you in just to max out the insurance.

I know she took medication, and that she also was careful with diet, I don't know if she was getting careless recently... I think our health system allows for long stays for mental health, but I really don't know the specifics

 

[Sherlock77]

And I do realize that all of this situation is out of my hands, as I'm not family, but it has given me a jolt, just needed to share it and get it off my chest... And I do look forward to the day when I (hopefully) can see her again

I knew when we began a relationship that there could be days like this, but it's first intimate experience, even through others, of the mental health system.

I went back to the bridge today (errr... the new bridge that replaced the old bridge) that I associate with first meeting her, that day I did an impromptu photoshoot... Today I stood at the rail looking toward downtown and just reflected and prayed, all I can do.

That photo:

 

[Fino]

Well, I wouldn't expect it to be more than a few weeks, max. Of course, I don't know her or the situation; that's just a common period of time it takes for mania to be stabilized. There are a lot of factors, but most of them would shorten the time to less than a few weeks rather than extend it. I imagine the only thing that would make it take longer is if the medication just doesn't work, but if she's been successfully treated before that seems unlikely.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Sherlock77]

Well, I wouldn't expect it to be more than a few weeks, max. Of course, I don't know her or the situation; that's just a common period of time it takes for mania to be stabilized. There are a lot of factors, but most of them would shorten the time to less than a few weeks rather than extend it. I imagine the only thing that would make it take longer is if the medication just doesn't work, but if she's been successfully treated before that seems unlikely.

Good luck with everything.

I'm not familiar with general protocols...

 

[Fino]

I'm not familiar with general protocols...

Just then I was talking mostly about the nature of Bipolar and medication, not necessarily protocols of the facility, unless they have protocols I can't imagine that would impact Bipolar and medication. I'm Bipolar and have been hospitalized twice, and my longest stay was ten days. But I never did suffer from paranoia, so that is different.

 

[OkRad]

You are so kind, @Sherlock77 and clearly care about this woman. Can you write her a letter? She may like that because it would be safe. A snail mail letter? Can you send her some art or some photos she can look at, things you both liked? To let her know you are thinking of her.

If she is paranoid, she may feel your silence is more ominous than small, gentle gestures. The mind never relaxes, even when alone. It just goes on its own, more terrifying tangents.

I will pray for your friend, too, and also for you so you will have wisdom to best know how to support her and let her know you care.

 

[disconnected]

I think you should think about what you want to do. I’d check in on her. I’m don’t know you or her but being told you should not see her is just 1 persons opinion. I will say I’m not familiar with what’s going on. But do what feels right to you. (That’s just my opinion, and I’m usually wrong). If she appears frightened or scared , maybe just slip away and wait it out at that point. I’ve always been able to see who my real friends are in my times of need.

 

[Pats]

Not sure how it's done everywhere, but I thought when admitted they have so many days of not having communication with anyone and then do they have the patient give a list of who they can communicate with?
Prayers for you both.

 

[Sherlock77]

Thanks... Some good ideas and thoughts, I even have a feeling that my pastor is simply communicating what doctors have told him...

 

[Bolletje]

I feel for you. One of my former best friends has a bipolar disorder and I have been through most of this with her. The paranoia, the depression, the mania. I used to visit her at the clinic a lot during her depression.
I got her admitted against her will when she was going through a manic phase, which, sadly, she never quite forgave me for.

I would heed the advice to not visit for now. If she is paranoid and more susceptible to stimuli, a visit might just make things worse. I do like @OkRad suggestion to write a letter though.

 

[Sherlock77]

...

I would heed the advice to not visit for now. If she is paranoid and more susceptible to stimuli, a visit might just make things worse. I do like @OkRad suggestion to write a letter though.

Thanks for that advice, I'm just finding it frustrating like I'm playing a waiting game and can do nothing about it, or maybe her world is so dark right now I wouldn't even want to see it.

And I'm starting to feel almost guilty for doing things I normally would do, "life goes on", as her life is completely in shambles right now.

I recently talked to a mutual female friend, who has known her longer than me, and thinks that there has been a history of rejection in her life when she goes through bad times, and I don't want to be that person who rejects her. Yes I do care about her.

 

[Fino]

And I'm starting to feel almost guilty for doing things I normally would do, "life goes on", as her life is completely in shambles right now.

It's certainly possible that she's miserable, and I'm not doubting the negative impact it has had on her life, but, at this exact moment or whatever moment you're feeling guilty and doings as normal, it's also certainly possible she's playing checkers or something, talking with someone and feeling okay. Depending on which ward she's in, it's common for people, from my observations, to quickly feel much happier in the hospital. I've been very happy at times in hospitals. There are no distractions, the whole day is structured, people around you tend to be empathetic, and there are people there to help with you anything, like meds and such. It's probably why some practically live there!