help somone was staring at me, making eye contact and smiling, what do i do.

[Jonathan Lees]

this is quite common that i catch someone staring at me repeatedly, im never sure what this means as i find it hard to pick up signals, does it mean they wouldn't mind me coming over to them and chatting and if so how do i stop being nervous and what do i say.

even if its clear that someone is interested in talking i could never imagine going up to a stranger and introducing myself. i always get scared that im wrong and they are just smiling and not giving me signals that they want to chat.

i normally rely on people coming over to me but that doesn't always happen and i would like to be able to go up to people myself if it appears that they are interested im talking.

any help would be appreciated as this happened today and i was very confused and to scared to go up and talk to her.

 

[Beverly]

Well, I can't blame her, you have a look that a good percentage of females like. (and this is based on what is the hot look in entertainment) You have long hair and, it's blond and has a good, heathy sheen to it. You look relaxed and youthful, you're reasonably fit as well, all good, attractive features. my stylist would love you, ten minutes and she'd have you Red Carpet hotness worthy. (No I'm not flirting here, just being honest.)

Generally when someone looks at you and smiles, that means they like what they see, that's an opening to get acquainted, see who they are. I know it's a bit scary but, they wouldn't snap your head of if you walked over, extended you hand for a handshake and said. "Hi, I'm Jonathan and you are?"

That's all there is to it, the ice would be broken and, they'd probably invite you to sit with them or you could offer to walk with them and talk. If you find you don't want to talk to them any longer. "It was great meeting you but, I need to go [home, mingle, see my friend, any excuse you can think of to make a polite exit]" If you do like her and still have to leave. "I need to get going, can I text you my number, or here, give me yours." hand her your phone, bingo, you have her number, then ASAP text her so she has yours.

I know conversations can be tough but, if you smile and act interested, and say a few words here and there while occasionally looking down and shuffling your feet a bit, you will be seen as adorably shy and, not have to say too much. Telling her that you're an Aspie can come later, after you know her a bit more and, have gone out a few times.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

hi Beverly, and thank you for your comments, i don't actually have the problem a lot of shy awkward people have of thinking they are unattractive when they are actually attractive, i don't think im quite as good as you say but i know that to some people at least im fairly attractive. i think my long hair and beard puts some people off but i don't mind if a silly thing like that puts someone off then to be honest i wouldn't be interested anyway. im relaxed in my profile picture but not when actually talking to someone. i am fairly fit but im not sure how you can see that from a profile picture. thanks for those lovely comments but they were not needed i have body confidence (just not social confidence).

i know its ok to go up to someone and just introduce myself in a friendly way, but i get scared that im misreading something or that in my nervousness and awkwardness i come across as a weird creep. the ice would not break so easily id still be super awkward and nervous and for me its really not as easy as your comment makes it seem. and this is why i normally rely on people coming to me/being introduced to them or them to me, i would like to learn how to introduce myself though.

i can smile and im good in conversation at seeming interested(the real problem is the introduction), the problem comes if they expect me to drive the conversation which is common with women (that they want you to do all the talking, i can do some but not the majority, this is the case at least in my experience with a lot of women). normally i get the comment that im adorable and cute etc. but I've come to hate it, to me it is now basically an insult (to me its like saying "you're obviously a nice person but you don't know what you are doing"), the few times it has got past the first of first few conversations i normally tell people im an aspie pretty early on as i don't hide it and its good to say early.

 

[Beverly]

Well sure, long hair and a beard on a guy puts some off, but it's also a bit of the rebel/bad boy look and, that's attractive to a lot of people. With your face, it gives you that bad boy that should be in a boy band look, edgy but innocent and, that's one of the "in" images right now.

That's why you play the shy card early on, they get the message and prompt you, lead the conversation, or they walk off, in which case, they aren't much of a conversationalist or, not interested in a guy that isn't the total take charge type and that's cool, everyone has different tastes and wants a different sort of date.

Play on the adorable with an edge, you can't do anything about being a youthful looking aspie but, you can keep that edge, play it up. maybe a bit of gel to give the crown of your hair a bit of volume, a stick on nose stud or lip stud, just little things to accentuate the edge and make the cute seem a mature sort of cute.

And yes I'm trying to look at you as my stylist would and, think of what she might do if she were putting you on stage as my guest.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

thanks again for your advice, i have been thinking of some body mods but generally ones i can hide easily and not to improve my image but instead just because i like them. i don't think i would go for facial piercings, i understand what you're saying but image isn't a big deal to me and i like how i look i don't need to change for others, and as always im a bit annoyed as being described as innocent, adorable and cute but i am so there's not much i can do about that.

appearing shy and awkward hasn't stopped people relying on me for the conversation in the past. normally because they are just as awkward and im nice enough to do the hard work, and once even because she enjoyed making me nervous and watching me squirm (did not enjoy that at all)