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Help, please!

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by BruceCM, May 23, 2011.

  1. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    I've asked about this elsewhere but I really need to sort something out! There's a 'support' group where I live, which has some 'rule' about 'treat each other with respect'. Only I can't find out what it means from the 'leader' & I'm being told to 'agree to disagree' with her about it. Can anybody, please, explain how on earth I even could do that, when it's a group 'rule'? Please!?
     
  2. xrobertxdavisx

    xrobertxdavisx Well-Known Member

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    Can you explain what you want to know? how to agree to disagree? or on how to treat everyone with respect ?
     
  3. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    How to agree to disagree about whatever 'respect' means (at the group, specifically, which you can't know, to tell me). Given that it is now agreed that I'd have to go by the group rule while there (& while agreeing to disagree about what the rule means)!
     
  4. . . .

    . . . Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The definition of "Respect" according to TheFreeDictionary:

    Of course everyone's definition of "respect" varies to a degree, but I'm sure that the leader of your group essentially means "don't be an asshole to each other".

    I know that aspies sometimes come off as being disrespectful when they're not trying to be, but I think you'll be fine. As long as you don't intentionally try pissing people off at your group, you should be fine.
     
  5. Pedro

    Pedro Well-Known Member

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    First things first: is this a real topic?
     
  6. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    It is a real topic. Since the leader of the group can't/ won't give their definition, I've no idea if she goes by the one above or not. Whatever definition they use in the group. however, there can't be BOTH the 'agree to disagree' about that AND going by the rule is the point. The above definition does not cover any situation in which I've been accused of not being respectful, so it's useless, for social situations, too.
     
  7. Pedro

    Pedro Well-Known Member

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    Why don't you take a break from the support group? After all, I believe it's supposed to make you feel better, relaxed and supported.
     
  8. . . .

    . . . Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree.

    If the support group is causing you distress, maybe just take a break or completely stop attending it (if things don't get better, that is)?
     
  9. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    Well, I'm not going to the 'support' group but it seems my parents, AS 'friend' & other support worker all think I should be able to go there! I've tried pointing out that we can't do 'agree to disagree' about the group 'rules', whatever else we could do it about. Almost inevitably, the blatantly obvious point doesn't get through. Anybody any ideas how they manage not to see it & how to put it better for any of them? It's suspiciously similar to the original social problems I'd be trying to get some 'support' with, too!
     
  10. katcha

    katcha Well-Known Member

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    Respect, in the context of being used by someone with authority, means "Do as I say, I own you!".

    The fact that they refuse to elaborate what they mean, makes this interpretation even more likely.

    Basically, when the "leader" says something, it's not open for discussion. It's possible that you asking the leader something that would be perfectly obvious to most people, is perceived as you being intentionally "difficult".

    Most people in a position of authority are there because they like having power over people. They aren't there for altruistic reasons (although they'd like to be seen as such).
     
  11. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    Really? It also seems that anybody can 'feel in authority over' me, due to perceiving me as 'less functional' or whatever. End of socializing. Great, what do I do now - jump off a cliff!?
     
  12. Geordie

    Geordie Geordie

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    Don't worry... If the forum wants you to 'follow the leader' and you don't like it, I think I felt how you felt.

    It's been my personal case to leave it for a while, then do some other things, before going back to the forum.
     
  13. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    Mainly, I'm talking about offline & for just leaving the group & returning, then people ask why you left, etc. Which really only gets into more problems & doesn't get anywhere with any of them, thanks!
     
  14. Geordie

    Geordie Geordie

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    never mind - you just say you went offline for a long family trip. i also said so
     
  15. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    ? Since I'm mostly talking about offline groups, what on earth's that about? I don't seem to fit in online forums, really &, sadly, they can't replace offline socializing, for me. This is getting daft!
     
  16. Geordie

    Geordie Geordie

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    So this is an offline support group.

    I also had the same troubles... and I decided to withdraw from them and other similar groups.

    You can't do so out of your circumstance. But maybe if you can't stand what the others say, just follow them empty. If not, well, I just admit - oh that's too bad - sorry.
     
  17. BruceCM

    BruceCM Well-Known Member

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    I think I said I'm not going to the 'support group', for the reasons mentioned. Then, there's no help with the original difficulties, which is why I wanted a 'support' group in the first place! Mainly because the original problems were surprisingly similar to those & where's the 'advice' or help for them? Not here!