Naw there isnt anything unpleasant about his school. All the kids love him. Which is usually the case in a small class environment for him. Same thing happened in Elementary school. He is funny, kind, and usually the smartest kid in the room.... cognitively. Teachers all told me this. They like him a lot. He is very respectful and if kids are acting out of line he says things to them the teacher can't to stop them from misbehaving. The teachers are quite appreciative of this.
Like he does none of the homework. His reason.... why do all this work for 10% of my grade when I already know it.
Yet he still doesn't do reports or projects despite it being 30% of his grade. I told teachers to test him instead of projects because he loses his mind, shuts down, then misses a lot of classes.
We told him we don't expect a straight "A" student, just do your best.
He feels like a loser because he is so smart and his closes friend is a straight "A" super student despite not being as smart as he is. She has to work very hard for her "A"s. People I know as smart as he is almost never do. They just absorb everything.
I was the had to work hard to do something kid.
My wife was the "yawn" learn by osmosis aspie kid.
She has 10 I.Q. points on me.
That difference is huge in high school.
This reminds me a little of the stereotype of the very pretty, curvaceous and healthy looking blonde scenario.Why develop a personality or work hard in other ways, as I am so gifted with my genetic born looks, or in the son's case, my intelligence. That will take me everywhere in life I want to be. Why waste my efforts in those other areas, these person's could think.
But, yes, the huge difference is those with Autism may have much more difficulties adapting and in changing any or many ways, than for neurotypicals, so I take that into consideration too.
But, the theory of minimum effort and maximum return does not always work for many things in life. It may take us to higher places at times, yes, and we may develop some self esteem there, but often person's will be judged not by just one great thing. Person's may judge us by digging deeper or need more than that one big ability, as that could mean lots of issues elsewhere.
I do understand though that few person's rarely have everything, but I admit in my case, I felt any good to great grades I received meant little other than showing some hard work I did studying prior to the tests, which gave me more self esteem than even the grades themselves. But your son is from what it seems focused more on grades than effort.
I admit, others in my past and people in school and elsewhere in my life would keep commenting on either the negatives about my very shy and timid looks, or small stature, which I clearly saw, too, worsening my self esteem, but at times they mentioned the positives about my looks though which I did not see. Regardless, I wanted to be defined by other things, which others could not see.
So, from it sounds like, in your case your son either wants or needs to be seen for his intelligence or wants for things to come easy for him doing little physical or mental exertion, to show intelligence there, or in the opposite case he wants a bigger challenge, something he can be more proud of or that interests him more, not wanting something in between which bores or drains him. That might makes sense if black and white thinking is involved.
I just do not see how much long term good will come from a student who seems more focused on grades and less self motivated or with less energy to do all the work, or to focus on other issues that need to be addressed too. In life, sometimes we will have to do the boring stuff or things we do not like. It is not reasonable to want or need everything our way--or one way. Some accommodation is fine, but when will we keep wanting more and more.
Employers are smart enough to know grades do not mean everything. Is the employee self-motivated, communicative, flexible, reliable, full of zest or energy? Does he need many accommodations? They also may look for positive attitude, listening ability, and ability to follow instructions and do what is best for the company instead of themselves.
Of course other employers though may value your son if they see him as some brilliant employee to do things effectively and efficiently, and one who seems advanced with his knowledge there in that field too, and if he can solve problems they need help with. I cannot recall though what your son's specialty or hyperfocus of interest seems to be as of yet.
I just know part of the reason we homeschooled our son's is they have their own hyperfocuses of interest, and each wants or needs to do things differently than what would be allowed at school, and as frankly, we would not trust any official anyway who said things were just fine and rosy there. School officials are not going to admit any bullying or teaching wrongs there. At least though your son's teachers though seem to be somewhat flexible.
From the sound of it, your son wants to be seen as intellectually smart, but what is being overlooked is many other issues that contributes to his inability to adhere to certain reasonable requests and typical norms. The parents and school system seem to be focusing on his positives or his potential, but not addressing the Autism components that are the reason behind some of these difficulties and intolerances, thinking he will snap out of it or it is not important to talk about.
But, having precise answers what to do could be hard to figure out if all involved do not communicate effectively with each other, the difficulties, desires and needs, and if you all assume things, which could be far from reality. I know the op is trying really hard, and is more flexible than most parents would , and they need relief, but the son needs to realize that he is part of the problem if he thinks his ability to retain information means everything.
It does not, if applying what one learned does not occur, or if the other important issues seem to be of little or no priority or unable to be resolved or bettered without making matters worse.
