Hello

[hannahhannah]

Hello everybody
I don't really know how this works as I've never been in a forum. I'm 33 and haven't been officially diagnosed. I study psychology so I know a lot about the subject at this point. When I first took a test (for an autism elective) my scores went through the roof so I started reading up more. On one hand my whole life suddenly made sense and I was so relieved that there was an actual reason (other than I suck, which I always thought was the reason) for all the problems I've always had. On the other hand though, I'm so overwhelmed and sad. I've been in therapy for such a long time and I always thought it will all be better at some point, but now I realize it probably won't. I feel like no one wants to hang out with me and I could really use a friend right now, but all my friendships always die eventually and I don't even know why. And the few I have, I just can't tell them that I really need them right now. I never could. I'm used to deal with stuff by myself but sometimes I just wish there was someone I'm really close to (except for my amazing dog). I don't mind being alone, I love it actually, but it also feels like no one likes me. I don't even know how to talk about my "discovery" with other people because the two times I mentioned it I was basically told that that's not possible. Well, no one really knows me, so of course it seems impossible. I'm sorry for the whining, I hate whiners too, but I just have no outlet for all this right now and I'm hoping that maybe some of you understand my struggles. I hope you are all having a great day!

 

[Nitro]

Hi hannahhannah

 

[Autistamatic]

Hi @hannahhannah welcome to the forum.
You'll find plenty of people here who share your distinctive view of the world. Nice to have you on board.

 

[Monachopia]

Welcome! You are not alone in your sentiments, there are many who have been in your shoes (myself included). Everyone is extremely friendly here, I've never 'met' a more lovely and understanding bunch of people! You can be yourself here and we'll all support you. <3

 

[Suzanne]

Hi there.

Get you so much.

I love psychology too and seem to have a natural way with it, although no degree.

On route right now to a formal diagnosis and petrfied ( strange word, but that is how I feel) that they are going to conclude I do not have aspergers, which if they do, I will not be able to use this forum anymore and not because I have been told that, but because I would feel too upset to use.

Also, I too, could never understand how I could not make friends or as my husband has said: you can't keep friends. I find that it feels alien to me to do what other females do and as an adult, I had made a sort of friendship with this young girl and she invited me to her room, to sit on her bed and listen to music and when I did, I felt really at odds and put it down to my age, but I think it was also the fact that it felt wrong. Now, if we had been sitting down and talking deep things, I would be more in my comfort zone, so to speak.

The reason why we can be in therapy for years and no one picks it up, is because aspergers has always been seen as only boys get it and this is because, it is more clearly defined in a chap than us females.

If my current therapist had seen me when I was a teen, probably it would have been clear cut decision, but aspergers is not static and thus, we learn to adapt and thus, why, as adults it is harder to pin point, unless one has a very intuitive therapist.

I also have been laughed at, when tentatively approaching the subject with a few and it is really demoralising.

I was superised as well, on doing the aspie quiz, with the high points and when I took it again, recently with the therapist, I again, got: you are probably an aspie. I do ask myself, however, why they bother with that test, if they do not take notice of it?

Anyway, you really have come across a wonderful forum and generally, your threads will get an answer quickly.

 

[Autistamatic]

@Suzanne if your diagnosis does not come out as expected I suspect it to be incorrect. We value you in this community so don't think of leaving under those circumstances. I for one would miss your contributions

 

[Major Tom]

Hello and welcome!

 

[Monachopia]

@Suzanne you're a warm and kind person, it would be a shame if you left the forum due to one person's opinion... At the end of the day, they don't know you that well, they'd be basing their opinion on their own bias or things they have (or haven't!!) read. I have some distrust in the psychology and psychiatry side of medicine as some of it can be subjective and/or based on outdated ideas of what IS and ISN'T. It's not a definitive science as we have seen with AS diagnosis in women, it's been largely unrecognised in women until relatively recently. Understandings of conditions are constantly evolving.
If you feel this forum is a helpful place to be, then I'd encourage you to stay whether you have a diagnosis or not.

 

[disconnected]

Hello, welcome to the site!

 

[tree]

 

[hannahhannah]

@Suzanne
first of all, I love the word 'petrified' I use it a lot. I understand what you mean, I 'm a bit scared of that too but mainly because I feel like I would be back to having to assume that it's all my fault... You fell how you feel and you would still need this community, so leaving because someone tells you they don't think you have Asperger's would very likely not be good for you. so don't Also, they don't know everything. Believe me. I was anorexic from 12-14. Eventually my parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. I will never forget sitting there and hearing her say "you're not anorexic" and dismissing me. I just sat there and thought "well thanks a lot for the help. I really appreciate it" My point is, sometimes what you feel is more correct than some diagnosis. And with the rather harsh criteria (and exclusion of Asperger's) the DSM5 has for the diagnosis of ASD a lot of high functioning people fall trough the radar...

yes, you are totally right about the diagnostic failures when it comes to females. We are apparently also better at learning coping mechanisms early on so it becomes a bit less obvious than in boys... What I also realized is that there are so many things about me and my perception of things that I have considered "normal" until I read more about it and therefore never really talked about with my therapist... I mean if something always is in a certain way it is easy to think it's normal if its something that doesn't really show in behavior. For example when I read a book I I have an image of the place, the environment, maybe even the clothes of people, but never their faces. I never thought twice about that though... until now

yeah it was really a bit hurtful how my mother and best reacted. My mother made it all about herself ("if that were true I would have failed you so it cannot be true) and my best friend laughed. To be fair, after i told her that ASD doesn't mean "Rainman" and i tool her more about it she became pretty quiet

I also like sitting and talking the most... You know, one-on-one. I know what you mean tough, many things other women do I find weird. I also don't get why many people always need a group. The conversation is so much better with a maximum of 3 people (in my humble opinion).

 

[Suzanne]

@Suzanne if your diagnosis does not come out as expected I suspect it to be incorrect. We value you in this community so don't think of leaving under those circumstances. I for one would miss your contributions

You have no idea how much this means to me! Thank you so much for such lovely words.

The reason and in truth, I found it hard to put into words ( typically), it would be from sheer disappointment and although I know I do have aspergers, there are only nt's in my life and thus, that is what they will attach to and my husband, although says he won't, I know differently.

 

[Monachopia]

Eventually my parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. I will never forget sitting there and hearing her say "you're not anorexic" and dismissing me. I just sat there and thought "well thanks a lot for the help. I really appreciate it" My point is, sometimes what you feel is more correct than some diagnosis.

This is why it's important to recognise that professionals don't always know what they're talking about. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had something similar happen too, I went to a mental health professional in the National Health System (NHS in the UK) and they said I did not have clinical depression after a 10 minute interview, yet I'd had psychiatrists tell me that I do. They took one look at me at 18 (and I was an EMO kid dress-wise) and they made that judgement on the spot that I was just attention seeking even with years of self-harm, suicide attempts, selective mutism and severe anxiety. Great job. That person's opinion made me feel worse and only went on to make me think that I'm the failure and I'm just a burden to everyone around me. It made me get off the medication and make things worse.
It is so important not to base everything on the opinion of just one person and seek help on many different levels.

 

[hannahhannah]

This is why it's important to recognise that professionals don't always know what they're talking about. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had something similar happen too, I went to a mental health professional in the National Health System (NHS in the UK) and they said I did not have clinical depression after a 10 minute interview, yet I'd had psychiatrists tell me that I do. They took one look at me at 18 (and I was an EMO kid dress-wise) and they made that judgement on the spot that I was just attention seeking with years of self-harm, suicide attempts, selective mutism and severe anxiety. Great job. That person's opinion made me feel worse and only went on to make me think that I'm the failure and I'm just a burden to everyone around me. It made me get off the medication and make things worse.
It is so important not to base everything on the opinion of just one person and seek help on many different levels.

I don't even know that to say! That sounds horrible and very very unprofessional! What an awful person... That's so much worse than my case.

 

[Monachopia]

I don't even know that to say! That sounds horrible and very very unprofessional! What an awful person... That's so much worse than my case.

No it's not. Every personal experience is valid, there is no "worse" or "better". Anorexia is no joke and I sympathise with you. I had it for a couple years and I know how isolating that condition can be, especially in youth. To have it invalidated in such an unprofessional way is debilitating and can potentially be life threatening. I hope you are better now and have received the help you needed. *hugs*

 

[hannahhannah]

No it's not. Every personal experience is valid, there is no "worse" or "better". Anorexia is no joke and I sympathise with you. I had it for a couple years and I know how isolating that condition can be, especially in youth. To have it invalidated in such an unprofessional way is debilitating and can potentially be life threatening. I hope you are better now and have received the help you needed. *hugs*

I meant that I wasn't suicidal or on the verge of dying... In that sense worse. I actually got out of it by myself about 1.5 years later. It's all 20 years ago though and at this point I could actually lose 10 pounds (As in I've been trying but with very little and short-lived success) So yes, I'm fine concerning that. I hope so are you!!?? I think anorexia becomes more dangerous with age as there is more knowledge and less supervision, but yeah, I was quite isolated. To be honest, I don't have that many memories of those two years and almost no pictures....

 

[Monachopia]

I meant that I wasn't suicidal or on the verge of dying... In that sense worse. I actually got out of it by myself about 1.5 years later.

I'm glad you found the strength to get better. The thing is, dangerous observations from those we are meant to trust can lead to severe consequences. An anorexic person being told they don't have have condition can go on to "prove" the person wrong, getting worse because in their head suddenly they're "not anorexic enough" ... if you know what I mean. That is why it can be life threatening. Same with depression, being told someone isn't "depressed enough" to need help can just cause awfulness.
As for me, I'm still alive and I think getting the AS diagnosis made things better in some sense, it put things into perspective. We keep living, learning and moving forward! Like you, I'm alone most of the time, making and especially keeping friends is still a mystery that I haven't quite solved yet though, but maybe one day?

 

[Pats]

On route right now to a formal diagnosis and petrfied ( strange word, but that is how I feel) that they are going to conclude I do not have aspergers, which if they do, I will not be able to use this forum anymore and not because I have been told that, but because I would feel too upset to use.

Before going any further, I had to respond to this. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like we're friends and that won't stop just because of a diagnosis. You relate to us, we relate to you and that's what matters. A piece of paper isn't going to change anything.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to AutismForums!

 

[Pats]

@hannahhannah Hi and welcome to this forum. I'm 61 and was diagnosed at 58, and it seems the longer someone has know you, the harder it is for them to accept that maybe they didn't know you as well as they thought they did. At least, I think that's often the case. Also, the negative reactions are lack of knowledge about what autism is and is not. As for your own realization, it's always a relief to have an answer to all the things you always questioned about yourself, your life and your past. Now that you have an understanding of who you are, you'll be able to improve your surroundings and accept who you are - things should get a little easier. Glad you are here.