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Hello! New here

G

Gershwin

New Member
Hi. I am new here. I try to understand myself but struggle frequently. I know I often don’t come across well. I know I live in my own world. I know that it’s painful for my
Girlfriend when I don’t make eye contact with her in emotional situations, but I know that if I do I won’t underatand or process anything she says.

Today she got mad at me for not standing up for her when I didn’t realize anything had happened.

I feel confused by this and want it to be better, but don’t know what exactly is happening.

I don’t know how to make that right
 
Hi Gershwin!
I'm not sure what to say about your girlfriend. Maybe have you tried just telling her everything you just posted here? I truly know how you feel. As I am only 13, I have never had a romantic relationship, but a similar thing has happened with me and my one of my best friends. So I know you probably feel confused, sad, and maybe even mad. But you should try to have an honest conversation with her. I know this can be hard, but it is no doubt worthwhile. I was sad because my friend was ignoring me, I thought she was mad at me. I moved away, so I don't see her anymore, but we still are in contact. Anyway, she would take 10 or 15 days to respond to my text. We talked about it, and now it's all ironed over. You should try to do the same.
Best of luck
 
Gershwin said:
Hi. I am new here. I try to understand myself but struggle frequently. I know I often don’t come across well. I know I live in my own world. I know that it’s painful for my
Girlfriend when I don’t make eye contact with her in emotional situations, but I know that if I do I won’t underatand or process anything she says.

Today she got mad at me for not standing up for her when I didn’t realize anything had happened.

I feel confused by this and want it to be better, but don’t know what exactly is happening.

I don’t know how to make that right
Click to expand...
Hi Gershwin

I am new here too. I am that very girl friend. I understand how hard it is for you to make eye contact. If it is any consolation, my aspie is actually getting there. Initially it was heartbreaking that he would just turn away, but the more we are together and the less pressure we have between us, the more he is comfortable enough to look me in the eyes. It may not be for long, but to me that is a precious moment that I am the one he is able do this with.

I would not change my Aspie for the world. He is who he is and I personally accept that. We will never be in a conventional relationship like I as a NT am used to, but once I accepted this moving forward has been so much easier.


All the very best G
 
Horsegirl said:
Hi Gershwin!
I'm not sure what to say about your girlfriend. Maybe have you tried just telling her everything you just posted here? I truly know how you feel. As I am only 13, I have never had a romantic relationship, but a similar thing has happened with me and my one of my best friends. So I know you probably feel confused, sad, and maybe even mad. But you should try to have an honest conversation with her. I know this can be hard, but it is no doubt worthwhile. I was sad because my friend was ignoring me, I thought she was mad at me. I moved away, so I don't see her anymore, but we still are in contact. Anyway, she would take 10 or 15 days to respond to my text. We talked about it, and now it's all ironed over. You should try to do the same.
Best of luck
Click to expand...
 
Hi there.

What a partner needs to understand when the person they love has autism is that they need to compromise with them. Accept that there will be things that are difficult, areas might be strained at times but the crux of it is that that is life. No relationship is perfect and if they truly want to spend the best days of their life with them, they need to compromise. If they don't then they need to cut the bond already, as harsh as that might sound it's best to end a relationship that won't work because of intolerance than to waste each other's time.

I don't subscribe to the idea of a "fixer upper" thing, I do find that to be sexist largely towards men because they think that men are the ones who need to be fixed all the time and that it's the women who are always the perfect, well-rounded, tolerant personality in the relationship. I'm sorry but there's a lot people out there who tend to get more mature over time and that isn't just the men. It's called growing up and it doesn't stop at 18.

And the idea of a "fixer upper" particularly when aimed at someone who is autistic and their autistic traits is just downright intolerant, not understanding, ableist and pure rude.
 
Hi Gershwin

welcome to af.webp
 
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