Hello everyone, having a quick rant.

[Angela71]

Hi
I'm Angela, I'm 45 and discovered about a month ago that all my hang ups and quirks that I've dealt with all my life all turned out to be asperger traits.

It was a bit of a surprise. I thought I was just a bit different (almost from another time or planet) It never occurred to me that I could be on the autistic spectrum.

Strangest of all is that I feel such a relief. I don't feel bad about it at all. I'm ecstatically glad that I'm not crazy. I'm simply an aspie and my whole life has suddenly made sense. If anything, my worry is that I've accepted this self-diagnosis to quickly and easily (despite reading the whole internet about it).

I'm pretty sure that the few people I've told - colleagues - I don't have any friends about my self-diagnosis don't believe that I have aspergers. This is because they don't know what it really is or how it presents in women. I'm feeling the need to educate them. We work in elderly rehab in the NHS and I'm sure an elderly patient with ASD will come along to us one of these days and we really should be able to identify them quickly and help anyway we can.

I went to my GP who said although I have all the traits, she does not think I have aspergers as I have too much empathy (!) she also had never heard of alexithymia.

Worrying. All the information on Aspergers in out there. It should be filtering down to all community health professionals.

 

[ksheehan88]

I wouldn't worry about what your GP says... They aren't qualified to diagnose, and certainly won't be as clear on a female aspie, from what I can gather

 

[Suzanne]

I first found out about aspegers from my faith, who was describing in a magazine about this girl who had this strange name called, aspergers and as I read, I was astonished with how similar we were, but tried to dismiss it. However, it kept resurfacing and so, I did a bit of online research and again, felt this sense of: oh my goodness me, this sounds just like me! I tried to talk to my husband, but he did not really want to know, despite pointing out my "negative" traits.

Sadly, although I am English, I reside in France and recently found out that they do not accept aspergers as real and when I blurted out to my dr about it, she dismissed it out of hand and said she has many clients who has autism and no way am I autistic, despite saying she has heard of aspergers!

I get: you don't look autisic and: oh come on, we all feel that way at times blab blab blab.

The trouble is that now, I feel a bit more assertive than before; it is like I feel at last I am beginning to know who I am and what I stand for and losing a bit of fear.

Usually, I am a very quiet person ie scared to speak my opinions, but when a subject is very close to my heart, I am rather loud about it and just this evening, I was told by someone that I am being too controversial and please stop and I could feel myself burn with anger, but I did stop and my opinion of that person has gone down a lot!

Basically, I have always been one who wouldn't say "boo to a ghost" as the expression goes, but not so much these days.

Someone said to me that the best advocates for aspergers, is ones who have aspergers, because they become so obsessed that they can run rings around any professionals and wow, that is so accurate and like you, I have this need to educate ones on female aspergers.

Oh, know this woman, who's son has aspergers and she has even said she knows I do, because she recognises the traits, but she still says things as though I do not have it, like: oh my son tends to take things literally and I said: so do I and that I cannot understand jokes and she came back with: well neither can I, if it is not my kind of joke, which sort of made me feel as if she was pushing me down ie stop pretending to be something you are not!

Oh I long for a professional diagnosis now.

 

[Angela71]

Hello Suzanne

We seem to have a few things in common!
My partner also is not that interested in my self-diagnosis. I thought he may have done a little research on aspergers after I spoke to him, but to my surprise no, he hasn't! I don't really mind too much. He accepts me for who I am and maybe your husband accepts you the way you are and does not need a label for you.

It's strange that Aspergers is not recognised in France. it is very real, we know that! And your GP is not qualified to say whether or not you have aspergers. That is quite naughty of her to dismiss you like that.

I have been naïve in assuming that my colleagues and my doctor would take me seriously when I announced that I had aspergers. After all, who in the world would say they have mild autism if they weren't sure they had aspergers!!??

I know what you mean about gaining confidence. That has happened to me too. It's great! I think you get it from knowing who you are. I wish I'd researched aspergers a bit earlier in my life so I would have felt like I do now.

Controversial subject! Yes. I spent July this year ranting about Labour politics. Not everyone wants to hear about it, and many don't agree. I've found it's maybe best to keep some opinions to myself!

I would also like a diagnosis but I got so stressed going to the doctor to talk about aspergers that I decided not to put myself through a whole range of tests by some psychologist who may or may not know much about female aspergers. I've learnt to cover my traits very well. I'm not sure I'm able to show someone the real me anymore.

You are the best person to see inside your own head, to analyse your own traits, you can analyse your own thoughts and feelings in different situations and in response to social interaction, lights, noise, smells, crowds etc etc. I've spent too much time analysing everyone else I meet and not analysing myself! Maybe I would have realised I was an Aspie a bit sooner if I had.
Good luck xx

 

[Sylar]

Sadly, although I am English, I reside in France and recently found out that they do not accept aspergers as real and when I blurted out to my dr about it, she dismissed it out of hand and said she has many clients who has autism and no way am I autistic, despite saying she has heard of aspergers!

I still don't understand how that is the case in France. I've done some reading and it seems that the general public there aren't even aware of it much and the doctors know about it but don't hold it with much credit. Shocking.

Good luck with your professional diagnosis if you taken those steps, probably difficult in France.

 

[Angela71]

I wouldn't worry about what your GP says... They aren't qualified to diagnose, and certainly won't be as clear on a female aspie, from what I can gather

Thank you for your reply
It just came as a surprise - her lack of knowledge on basic asperger traits. Maybe they just learn about the ones who really struggle - the boys who get excluded from school as they can't cope in the classroom.

I had a stutter. I wasn't any trouble at all at school. I just didn't speak! I observed, learnt and copied others personalities. You'd have thought a teacher would have picked up on that. No one did.

I know now though, that's what counts to me. Better late than never.

 

[Sylar]

And your GP is not qualified to say whether or not you have aspergers. That is quite naughty of her to dismiss you like that.

Unless things work differently there? I doubt it so the doctor was clearly in the wrong, at the very least she should have talked about possibly opening up channels to someone trained in that area.

One time I saw my GP about my social anxiety and the possibility of hypnosis and he shot it down straight away because he thought hypnosis was nonsense. I don't disagree with him but CBT wasn't working for me and I thought it was worth a shot just out of desperation. I guess the point is that a doctor should always remove their own personal opinions when on the job to do what is in the best interest of the patient.

Also, if you put @ before a username it'll tag them and notify them than you spoke to them without quoting. Handy tip for using the forum.

 

[Angela71]

Hi Sylar

Thank you for the tip. That helps. I'm still working on quote insertion!

Call me cynical but think it is a rare health professional who puts their own personal feelings, prejudices, to one side when dealing with patients. It seems to get worse the older they are :/

If it's important I think you have to stand your ground and not take no for an answer without a fight. You shouldn't have to do that but to many Gp's I've seen I'm just a 10 minute slot in a long day of people!

 

[Sylar]

Hi Sylar

Thank you for the tip. That helps. I'm still working on quote insertion!

Just click reply on a post rather than using the empty reply option at the bottom of the thread. It'll quote the post you clicked to reply to, clicking +Quote is good if you want to quote more than one post in the same reply.

 

[toothless]

hi angela71,welcome to AC.

i personally think self diagnosing ASD is different, people with ASD will be intensely hyper focusing on research and using their logic to apply it to themselves,i think undiagnosed autists are more likely to be right than not,its different to say...an NT thinking they have autism;they might do the EQ test and write some history down but they dont tend to have the intense obsession with finding out they have autism.
this is my view of it anyway having spent over 16 years on the internet around people with HFA.

as for females on the spectrum,not enough research is done into it,but you should risk it and get yourself a specialist appointment, i know sheffield where simon baron cohen works is supposed to be good assessment for female autists.

 

[Suzanne]

maybe your husband accepts you the way you are and does not need a label for you.

Alas no not at all and even though when others make comments about me saying I have aspergers, apparently he does not jump in and say things against me, so I suspect deep down inside, he does believe I have aspergers, but refuses to acknowledge it completely, because he truly feels that I will use that as to get out of things and all based on a friend of his, from many year's ago ( they are no longer in touch), who, as soon as he was diagnosed with a severe mental health issue, he just gave up and so, rather than basing things on me personally ie what he knows about me, he is basing things on his friend, which is so cruel and since I have just thought that, I will mention it to him at some point.

Oh boy, how absolutely and utterly frustrating it is, with him moaning about my "traits" and knowing he can read up about female aspergers, he doesn't and his excuse is: don't have time. Oh the one time he did look it up, it was male aspergers, despite me saying that they are not the same and so, he comes back with: welll, I have looked ( pat on the back) and can't say I see any similar traits and when I remind him of the time he said: the trouble with you, is that you take things literally, he comes back and says: I was only joking!

So, he is scared to admit I have aspergers, since he sees it as a mental issue and thus, I will make many excuses to not do things and yet, evidence shows that since I found out about aspergers, I am pushing myself. I am doing many things I would never do in the past and that is because I feel suddenly that I am understanding me and so, it actually helps me to move forward.

 

[Kirsty]

I went to my GP who said although I have all the traits, she does not think I have aspergers as I have too much empathy (!)

I don't think we lack empathy - it's the complete opposite as we feel a lot of it. We can mask it very well.

 

[zurb]

As a general rule, NTs, particularly clinicians draw conclusions from observation rather than by listening. We don't express empathy the way they expect, so they conclude we don't feel any.

 

[Angela71]

Oh boy, how absolutely and utterly frustrating it is, with him moaning about my "traits" and knowing he can read up about female aspergers, he doesn't and his excuse is: don't have time.

Hi again

There is a lot of information on the internet about aspergers - some is really useful and applies me, but a lot is not. To make it easier for your husband to understand you, maybe you could make a list of the traits you have and discuss them with him. That was he won't feel under pressure to read everything about aspergers and then try to relate it to you. That will probably be difficult for him to do, and very time consuming!

Make it easy for him. You know what traits are, you know you have aspergers - tell him how it affects you. Good luck

 

[Angela71]

personally think self diagnosing ASD is different, people with ASD will be intensely hyper focusing on research and using their logic to apply it to themselves

Hi toothless

Thank you for your message and your welcome.

I started to research aspergers as I suspect my son has it. The more I read, the more I saw myself! I did the various online aspie quizzes and scored highly but you are right, it is the intense research that has lasted ever since the first 'Eureka' moment that has convinced me I have it. Added to the fact that Aspergers has been on my mind for most of the time I've been awake in the last month! It is very interesting

 

[Angela71]

I don't think we lack empathy - it's the complete opposite as we feel a lot of it.

Hi Kirsty
Yes that's true for me too ... although I seem to actually 'feel' another persons feelings myself. I'm not sure how to describe it and it sounds a bit strange. I work with elderly people in rehab, and sometimes I think I'm feeling their feelings when I'm with them. Weird but it's definitely empathy and probably one step further! And emotions - they can be overwhelming, particularly if I feel sad. I stopped watching the news years ago, it's too awful.

 

[midlife aspie]

Angela71: Suzanne may have a problem with 'credibility' in telling her husband about herself. I am experiencing this with my own family, who seem to think that what I say is tantamount to making excuses for behaviors they do not like. Some folks just have to get informed on their own or via a third professional party to believe things. As for empathy, I seldom experience it 'in the moment'. Usually, it hits me hours or days later.