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Having children

I do get asked somewhat often why I'm not interested in getting married or having kids, but I don't see it as a big concern.

I run a business to assist my independence. I own a dog training business and a dog daycare.

The advice I would give young girls is: You don't have to listen to pressure from society, you can pave your own way forward in life and your happiness is more important than fulfilling an arbitrary societal role.
I love my boys, I was clouded with uncertainty when they were born. I think society should accept a women's decision on what is best for her. I would have enjoyed our years growing up with less pressure such as feeling I had more choice and control over my life
 
Autistic mom of an autistic kid here.

Even with the problems of being autistic, if we have an autistic child, we are so spot on amazing for them. We can instinctually hone in on their needs and give them a great holistic upbringing.

Can you imagine the autistic children of neurotypicals? They probably buy their autistic children those ghastly neon, multicolored, light up sensory toys, and play videos for them that have annoying high pitched music and flashing colors. Because the "experts" say it soothes and stimulates the autistic mind.

..... yech....

That was me. Lots of toys I didn't like. Forced to play sports because I had bad coordination. Bribed with toys to do well at sports. Forced to have the light on or sleep with the window open, even thought the sensory experience caused lots of anxiety.

Every report card I had in elementary school says, "Does not interact with other students." Yet no one asked if I was sad, struggling, abused, scared, or anything else.
 
I get along well with kids, I like them, and always jibe with the NDs. Easy to spot because we did the same thing as a kid. That being said, I could hand over a laundry list of why kids are not a viable life choice for me and it is a reasonable decision.

Some might call it selfish or unnatural, but I know my medical history, I know my temperament, and I know my resources...any one of those things gets bumped, big waves in the water and kids don't have any control when those waves hit them. They are literally at the mercy of the adults around them. Speaking from experience, those emotions suck.

I worked free of that situation and I will not put a kid into what I grew up dealing with. (Single, hardworking parent and a narcissistic (often cruel) older sibling).
 
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That was me. Lots of toys I didn't like. Forced to play sports because I had bad coordination. Bribed with toys to do well at sports. Forced to have the light on or sleep with the window open, even thought the sensory experience caused lots of anxiety.

Every report card I had in elementary school says, "Does not interact with other students." Yet no one asked if I was sad, struggling, abused, scared, or anything else.
Male input most welcomed. This is really psychology of us raising children and I think it's Soo nice that a man wants to participate in best interests of next generation...I said this before my one twin is left handed but his father is atypical z d further from my understanding.
 
Mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers and struggle with frequent fatigue and work interruptions, new research finds. These moms also spend significantly more time caregiving than moms of those without disabilities.

Considerations of size of family.... I think the more children you have the greater the not just budget demands but work load required to attend to each child's needs. One child may be on spectrum, the other not...so demands vary. Children don't have a mute, or time-out or stop banging button.
Many times I was running on stress and demand, it wasn't pleasant. I felt I'd have preferred more of age gap and taking things slowly. Oh, you doing a great job....ye but that's not how I felt.
At times I'd be emotionally stressed and slow on uptake of daily tasks, my Mom couldn't always come for day.
 
Oh, you doing a great job....ye but that's not how I felt.

I think this type of comment is usually annoying in any context. As if that's what the person really wants to hear.

(Or, it's used to goad you into doing more of something you're clearly done with.)
 
In terms of having children, the reason why society assumes it will be the women raising them is those stereotypes of females as the more nurturing gender. While it is true more females than males are this way because of genetics, and from how they were raised--more will have or develop those skills-- not all females are more nurturing or wanting children, or they may rather feel more free and independent and be defined in other ways, in terms of their other personality, strengths, abilities , occupation and interests--not defined by looks, some domestic job or some nurturing skill or empathy. They may either less want children or if they have them learn it was a bigger job than they could handle or later changed their desires or needs.

But, as long as women will be legally allowed to make that choice to have the infant delivered or not, as long as the child is going to be inside the women, which is obviously not changing anytime soon, lol, as long as the courts keep giving custody of children to women even if the father is shown as more fit there, unless the women is seen as totally unfit and dangerous, or as long as we keep putting down males who raise children, or allow so little of that, of course then women will be seen as having to be there for their child after birth, whether they like it or not, as society in those ways mentioned see it more their child at the beginning, and
at the end of the relationship.

But, hey society, let's not blame just guys in power for any sexism or rigid views there, as still a very big percentage of women feel it is women's responsibility to nurture the child and be there for the child. It is a big percentage of these women who will thus vote for those people who may not care as much about having equal rights, or as they do not want some of the bigger responsibilities that males have, or as they may not want penalties that may occur from being the main outside bread winner. As well there are a large amount of men that would lIke more freedoms too, in terms of not being defined by outside work, with rights to care for children if they were more nurturing, allowed and desiring of that.

So, for those women who want more choices whether to be the main caregiver of the children or not, as long as they and society then will give the men more choices and rights there too, I obviously see no problem with that. That may require more courts be open minded to siding with more men though, when both are on the same page in the petition to the court requesting that and when the male shows more caregiving abilities there.

Whether what I said others agree with or not, much more women will be responsible for raising the children until the men get more rights there and until men are doing that more, and receiving support after any divorce occurs too, with women and the courts allowing that more there. If one wants more choices and freedoms, often this will mean more things taken away or more other financial responsibilities as a result. Rarely can we get all our way.

Whereas some men may have gotten away with any stress children may cause while they work and after any breakup, with women feeling like they cannot breathe or live a full life because of that, many more men could have saw that as a more rewarding job with more benefits and less future penalty. Both men and women should do what is best for their child regardless of gender, as I assume nothing these days there in this changing culture where more women are focusing on higher education and careers, and with more diversity in terms of identity.
 
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