Have you ever been bullied online before?

[keebles]

It's one of the main reasons why I hate forums, but I do have to admit that a lot of the time it's my fault because I don't express myself properly and I tend to offend without meaning to (and I'm extremely wordy as well, which doesn't sit well with a lot of forum users). I was so glad to find this forum, but I already feel like I may have stepped on a toe or two accidentally since I've been here. For my entire life I've felt like I'm alone in a lot of ways, but here I've discovered that a lot of people have the same issues and problems that I do and that makes me feel so much better (and definitely not alone anymore). I think that's why we come to forums in the first place...to find like-minded individuals, but that always doesn't work out for the best. I haven't been on a forum regularly in years because of the bullying factor.

I used to spend a lot of time on Disney forums, but you would not believe how mean those people are and the wars started over the stupidest stuff got so boring after a while...they are literally bully central. Disney may be the happiest place on earth, but their forum lovers definitely are not and the biggest of the forums is the worst (and anyone in the Disney community probably knows exactly which forum I am referring to). I was also "outed" as an Asper on a Disney forum by someone I thought was an online friend, and all my responses henceforth from certain users mentioned this fact like it lessened my Disney knowledge. At that point, I wasn't broadcasting my Asperness like I do now because it was too new and I was still dealing with the first stages of the diagnosis. Heck, if they knew anything about Asperger's though, then they'd know that I have more Disney trivia in my pinky finger than they will ever know in their entire lifetime. After a while, I just couldn't take it anymore and stopped going over there. Besides, they didn't give me any new information I didn't already know anyway, so it was just wasting my time.

When it comes to the cross stitch forums, I really don't care for commenting on everyone's cross stitch progress..."Great job! Wonderful progress!"...seriously, how many times can you type that and sound sincere? I like seeing their progress, but I don't feel the need to comment all the time and I get called out on that too (temporary "suspensions" until I reach a certain quota of comments is how they handle it). It's a very reciprocal sort of society. I would say that cross stitch forums are passive-aggressive bullying because they will praise you because they think they will get it in return, but when you don't praise them back, they will ignore you or even block you by the suspension. I don't need the praise and most times I rarely read the comments on my own posts anyway. The progress of a cross stitch project, be it mine or someone else's, sometimes helps me see where I'm at in my own work or where I'd like to be on another project. It's more of a tool than a communication device for me and I hate that they don't let me use it that way. So I'm forced to "great job!" it every once in a while to keep my account open.

I think that's why I prefer blogging to forums and social media (I don't have a single social media account...no FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, etc). I can post whatever I want and people can comment or not, but I'm not forced to see their lives or kid-pics or posts if I don't want to and I certainly don't have to comment (or even read the comments...although I typically do because I've made some great friends on my blog). Until I found this forum though, I thought I was done with forums too, but it's still early days, so we'll see.

 

[Ragnahawk]

I used to be on a forum for people who collected My Little Pony (before the whole "Brony" thing). Everything on the main forum was okay, but someone informed me that there was another subform where people would bully each other. Turns out someone had started an over 25-page thread about me and how I annoyed them. Ponyland's Catfights • View topic - Dear KalahariMeerkat,

I really wish people would tell me to my "face" what specifically it is I do to annoy them. Instead of going behind my back and telling other people about how much I annoy them. This is from at least five years ago so none of them probably remember it and I don't even know if that forum is active anymore. Anyhow, is cyberbullying common for autistic people? I got bullied on Wrong Planet once (probably by one of the goons from that place) over something hypothetical. I can't really remember what it was about. It didn't help that just like the bullying that occurred in real life, my mom basically told me it was my fault.

Wrongplanet is in it's name. Wrong. Bunch of lazy staff with little concern or love for compassion. My honest opinion based on experiences I've had there.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Anytime I've been bullied online I've challenged that person to meet me in real life say it to my face. They usually either back down or disappear. Of course, I'm 6' 2" / 250 lbs. so I can usually back up my challenge. Sometimes they don't back down. In those cases, I persist with my challenge to meet them IRL and call them cowards on top of that. People don't usually like being called cowards in front of an entire community so they find a way to change the subject. In extreme cases, I have to utilize the old ignore button. I was subjected to so much bullying as a child that I have built up a really good immunity to it.

While reading this thread, I started wondering the difference between trolling and cyberbullying. The only difference I could come up with is that cyberbullying involves the threat of real physical, psychological, spiritual, economic or reputational harm while trolling is just annoying. The reason I ask is that I'm wondering whether some of what's considered bullying is actually only trolling. If so, does that change the conversation any?

 

[Ragnahawk]

I used to be on a forum for people who collected My Little Pony (before the whole "Brony" thing). Everything on the main forum was okay, but someone informed me that there was another subform where people would bully each other. Turns out someone had started an over 25-page thread about me and how I annoyed them. Ponyland's Catfights • View topic - Dear KalahariMeerkat,

I really wish people would tell me to my "face" what specifically it is I do to annoy them. Instead of going behind my back and telling other people about how much I annoy them. This is from at least five years ago so none of them probably remember it and I don't even know if that forum is active anymore. Anyhow, is cyberbullying common for autistic people? I got bullied on Wrong Planet once (probably by one of the goons from that place) over something hypothetical. I can't really remember what it was about. It didn't help that just like the bullying that occurred in real life, my mom basically told me it was my fault.

I'm going to use deductive reasoning. In real life people are commonly using autistic as a way of telling someone they are embarrassingly funny to them like calling someone a retard. Like ah man your autistic when you say something dumb. Now let's put a scenario of being socially awkward and everyone in the room laughs in a group. Strength in numbers and you created a power imbalance. What better way to elevate your position than to publicly downplay someone else. These individuals typically never accomplish anything in life and are worthless trash, with a few people that are camoflagued in the crowd so as not to become a target. That's my negative fixed mindset outlook. I'm going to change that watch me. Now I see a group of people concerned about proving themselves. They are of the fixed mindset, and they seek self validation. If I tell them they have much more to offer then the label. That intelligence is not a fixed quantity quote alfred binet maker of the IQ test, then there is a small chance they will change.

This scenario is even less risky online. Why would people who seek to validate themselves not seek it in the safest possible place?

 

[Ragnahawk]

Please anybody who's reading take my wisdom and look with compassion not contempt. Your life will be purposeless and unfulfilled until you do.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Please anybody who's reading take my wisdom and look with compassion not contempt. Your life will be purposeless and unfulfilled until you do.

 

[Roy pryer]

I used to be on a forum for people who collected My Little Pony (before the whole "Brony" thing). Everything on the main forum was okay, but someone informed me that there was another subform where people would bully each other. Turns out someone had started an over 25-page thread about me and how I annoyed them. Ponyland's Catfights • View topic - Dear KalahariMeerkat,

I really wish people would tell me to my "face" what specifically it is I do to annoy them. Instead of going behind my back and telling other people about how much I annoy them. This is from at least five years ago so none of them probably remember it and I don't even know if that forum is active anymore. Anyhow, is cyberbullying common for autistic people? I got bullied on Wrong Planet once (probably by one of the goons from that place) over something hypothetical. I can't really remember what it was about. It didn't help that just like the bullying that occurred in real life, my mom basically told me it was my fault.

When i was at school the other boys disliked me for not liking football. When i had to play if the ball came my way i used to step out of the way & let it sail past me. Surprisingly some of the other boys got annoyed by this. One day whilst chatting to a friend in the playground one of these lads approached me & punched me in the face. I went down but still carried on chatting to my pal as though nothing had happened. This infuriated the bully who walked away fuming. I just treated him as if he didnt exist, a talent i carry to this day. Probably triggered by aspergers.

 

[Ragnahawk]

This is like fixed mindset city. Good god I they are so lazy and weak minded its like a pack of vultures or diseased rats. I wish I could be there to redirect this negative energy. That's 2000% fixed mindset. Mindset by carol s dweck

 

[Ragnahawk]

They are literally worshipping each other

 

[8398]

"They are literally worshipping each other"
Yeah and want to have each other's.. "E-babies"... because... they agree with eachother

I haven't been bullied before online. I've only been on one other forum, people were generally friendly but lots of negativity breeding. Those hate forums, it does affect me just reading through it, it feels yucky. Their.. erm... conversation seems like it's based in a lot of emotion, with lots of excessive swearing. I don't like conversations like that... I like logical explanation. They sound kinda... "know-it-all" I think it's wiser to be a bit more neutral when talking about someone you don't know or understand well. I was assuming they were young, but it sounds like some were adults... To be on a site called Ponyland's Catfights: Where B******* Hang. And to obsessively complain about an online user... it's silly.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

I was bullied over a facebook by a boy I knew in real life, who wouldn't dare do it at school. But that stopped after people had words and I blocked him.

 

[onlything]

Happened, though it's never felt as bad as the real life stuff - easier to ignore and, really, do I know these people to care about what they think? By the way, oh mother wisdom, look at these little hypocritical kids in the thread calling you ignorant while being even more so. Had to find a way to force their nonexistent self-esteem to grow a bit, huh?

 

[pjcnet]

Several times, hence I'm banned on most gaming forums for "fighting back".

I've also been banned for life, twice, on Sheffield Forum, but the second time wasn't even my fault, some Sony Pony was trolling about Xbox and I responded in kind, and the Mods got all uppity and banned me, even though by rights they should've banned the troll IMHO.

One thing I noticed on some sites similar to the one I was a sysop for is that some staff seemed to let the power of their authority go to their heads and they themselves were known to bully members, this happened even more because they were providing a service that was quite exclusive and they knew many members were frightened of being banned and would even fear them (you needed an invite to join and invites were often limited as the sites could only accommodate a set number of members because the demand was often much higher). I made sure I was different and gave my best to offer a quality service by treating and respecting members as customers and I eventually got a good reputation by doing this, but even on many open forums and communities some staff can be very unprofessional. Remember that a large proportion of online staff are volunteers and don't get paid, they're often not trained or have much experience when they start working as staff and they're not always the nicest or maturest of people. In other words they don't always act like they're professionals offering customer service as part of a good quality business, it can be a different thing altogether, but many people expect the same type of professional treatment from these volunteer staff as they would from for instance customer service staff for a decent utility company, sometimes members may be dealt with professionally and fairly, but other times they unfortunately won't be and this can sometimes surprise people.

PS: From what I've seen so far on ASPIESCentral the staff here seem very professional and friendly which is very good to see and that greatly helps keep the entire community friendly. In my opinion it's very important for staff to set a good example, the staff here also get involved in the community and come across as approachable.

 

[Mia]

Absolutely, at another forum much bigger than this one. Nobody bullies me for long though, I had enough of that as a teen. This particular place had email, with headers on the emails. After that it was relatively easy to find the people doing the bullying, many of whom were a group of trollish types variously connected to one another by sockpuppets. Some of us set up a system of url's so we could figure out how they were all connected. We warned them, and they left us alone after that.

 

[Mia]

The majority of them would have had to have been in their twenties and thirties.

I read some of the comments Meercat, and they were pretty cruel. Psychologically and verbally abusing you. If it had happened to me, I'd work toward getting to all the people whose comments are there and are still active, banned from the site. Because it was many years ago, it's still destructive, and I'm sorry that it happened. Much of what they did is simply abuse you over and over.


Suggestions:
Some states consider other forms of cyberbullying criminal. Consult your state’s laws and law enforcement for additional guidance.
Review their terms and conditions or rights and responsibilities sections. These describe content that is or is not appropriate.
Report cyberbullying to the social media site so they can take action against users abusing the terms of service.

 

[Kirsty]

Yes, by someone who I got on okay with at first then turned against me. I think she has BPD as well as bipolar and panic/anxiety disorder. Not only that, I figured she was an narcissist and played with my mind. I became very ill even physically with the abuse. We only met online.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

I read some of the comments Meercat, and they were pretty cruel. Psychologically and verbally abusing you. If it had happened to me, I'd work toward getting to all the people whose comments are there and are still active, banned from the site. Because it was many years ago, it's still destructive, and I'm sorry that it happened. Much of what they did is simply abuse you over and over.


Suggestions:
Some states consider other forms of cyberbullying criminal. Consult your state’s laws and law enforcement for additional guidance.
Review their terms and conditions or rights and responsibilities sections. These describe content that is or is not appropriate.
Report cyberbullying to the social media site so they can take action against users abusing the terms of service.

I don't even know if that site is active anymore. It would be impossible to know who was who and they don't bother me anymore. To be honest, I doubt they even remember me. They probably have someone new to pick on. That is if that forum is even active anymore.

 

[MeatHammer]

I used to be on a forum for people who collected My Little Pony (before the whole "Brony" thing). Everything on the main forum was okay, but someone informed me that there was another subform where people would bully each other. Turns out someone had started an over 25-page thread about me and how I annoyed them. Ponyland's Catfights • View topic - Dear KalahariMeerkat,

I really wish people would tell me to my "face" what specifically it is I do to annoy them. Instead of going behind my back and telling other people about how much I annoy them. This is from at least five years ago so none of them probably remember it and I don't even know if that forum is active anymore. Anyhow, is cyberbullying common for autistic people? I got bullied on Wrong Planet once (probably by one of the goons from that place) over something hypothetical. I can't really remember what it was about. It didn't help that just like the bullying that occurred in real life, my mom basically told me it was my fault.

I've never been bullied online before mainly because i stay anonymous and away from the BS that happens online (same in real life). If i were to be bullied it wouldn't last long because i'm the type of person that simply doesn't give a damn, so of course they would just stop because they wouldn't be getting the reaction they would be expecting.

 

[RainbowAura]

Yes, a hate topic was made with several posts about me. On a music group Someone pretended to be me (made a fake account) in a mocking manner and people proceeded to write hurtful stuff. Including a so-called friend. The administrator on that forum also had it in for me. Certain members just made my life misery. I’d cry in my bedroom but kept going back there. They also did stuff like mind games saying they would send me a C.D but a year comes and nothing..then still say it. Excluding me..just really crappy stuff. They said I reminded them of “salad fingers” a stupid character on YouTube.
This forum no longer exists but maybe the topic could be found on archive.org hanging around. I would post it but I don’t want my stalkers finding me. Not sure if I could find the topic. I have found the old forum on archive.org

On an anime forum I posted help for an issue and I got slammed with bullying. Even the moderators. This place still exists. No idea what I deserved to receive that treatment.

I also had some bullying on another music fan club. Convienent rules and just strange favouritism. I thought I had a mild friend there. One day I take a look about two years later and see he dissed me and another too. He admitted to writing that stuff about me when confronted.

Also, a celebrity fan club I noticed some strange “air” around the members, I thought it was weird. Also they didn’t talk to me anymore. I asked what was happening and then the moderators banned me for “harassment” for asking a member why. Just an excuse. Then one member deleted me off Flickr who I had added and did accept at some point.

Graphic arts forum somehow they ignored my gifts for Christmas secret Santa or cold treatment. I didn’t understand what was going on. I lost it in anger and deleted (got made a mod at some point), deleted the one who hurt me most’s topic..and got blocked and I.p blocked.

This was all years ago now though.

 

[Anthracite]

Not bullied, but I've taken my fair share of sh*t (and given it). Right wingers especially don't like me and tend to call me a SJW or communist to try to offend me, to which I say: "you're right, I am. Congratulations " They don't like that and melt in a pile of their own tosh xD

I did get attacked for being autistic once actually; this particular guy (who I helped get banned) was of the impression ND and mentally ill people's opinions were worthless and we shouldn't be allowed to vote. He was also trans and homophobic. Nasty piece of vitriol he was.