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Has the time passed for me to ever get a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Markness, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    How can I "build myself" or "work on myself" as others sometimes tell me? My mind keeps telling me everything is too late and I could never overcome the obstacles I faced with the things I wanted to be good at. I still can't play a guitar solo or complex songs despite having a guitar since 2002 and I haven't written any songs despite how I used to hope I would be a professional musician one day. I don't have any books published and I am turning 31 soon. I struggle to draw despite my age as well to the point I don't even try at all these days. I reached adulthood only because I figuratively sat around and my brain stopped growing physically before I could develop special talents.
     
  2. GadAbout

    GadAbout Active Member

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    I don't know you but as I read through this thread, I notice every thought you have is negative. You are focused on the things you can't do, or the reasons you haven't found a relationship. This tendency will not motivate you to develop your strengths. Try to find some positives in your self and your life, and see if that affects your low self-esteem.
     
    • Agree Agree x 6
  3. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    Future girlfriends don’t have to know about your lack of past relationships. You could lie a bit and say you’ve dated some woman and there was no chemistry between you both beyond dating. Then you could lie a bit more and say you’ve been choosing to be alone for a while to work on yourself and it’s taking time. You will get there if you try. It’s important to have your own life and recognise a partner is just an invitation or counterpart to spend your life together. It’ll all be okay. <3
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
  4. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    I will admit I've had a relationship before but it was short lived and it's been almost ten years since it happened so my romantic history is still shallow. My parents and my grandmother tried to set me up but I didn't mesh with the women they had in mind, especially in regards to interests and world views.
     
  5. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

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    I agree with @GadAbout - the things you've posted are all negative aspects of yourself, with your main focus being on what you haven't done.

    Focus on the things you HAVE DONE, and the things you CAN DO and you will start give off a positive vibe. People in general are usually put off by people who radiate negativity. They're also put off by desperation. You're 31, not 101. You have plenty of time left.

    I can't play a guitar, I can't draw nor can have I had any books published, lol, but who cares! Life is what you make it. So what if you haven't achieved the things you listed, there'll be other things that you have achieved already and more things that you're going to go on to achieve. Lots more!

    People often meet life partners in the unlikeliest of places so just work on being positive, not being your own worst enemy and the rest may follow.
     
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  6. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    I really haven't done a lot in my life. My mother is a complete control freak and she didn't encourage me to follow my passions or expand my knowledge, didn't expose me to many different surroundings, and discouraged me from doing things "normal people" do because she dubbed me as "disabled".

    I missed so many milestones in my developmental years so I feel like a failed experiment that should be trashed.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  7. GadAbout

    GadAbout Active Member

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    So, get busy doing stuff now.
     
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  8. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    Ffs. This is a complete eye opener explaining exactly how I feel about my own existence. I’m not too affected by your post, but I’ll point it out as a trigger warning to some people. Be very careful about going out and doing stuff nowadays as you could well be a vulnerable adult. I’m saying that for myself, too.
     
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  9. GadAbout

    GadAbout Active Member

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    So what is he supposed to do, then? Stay stuck in a rut? I don't know what you mean by "a vulnerable adult."
     
  10. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    I’ve already mentioned what he could do earlier in this thread. Also, if you Google ‘vulnerable adult’ you’ll find out what it means. :blush:
     
  11. Kari_Cookie

    Kari_Cookie Active Member

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    I’m just wondering what’s gonna happen if you dye your hair without your mom’s permission?
     
  12. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    I have gone out and done things since I was 21. It's nothing new for me. I just usually do everything alone since I have very few friends.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  13. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    I am now wishing I didn't have Aspergers and want a cure since that's probably the only way I'll ever have a girlfriend. I don't even want my birthday celebrated this year.
     
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  14. Pinkie B

    Pinkie B Just Me

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    That's very sad
     
  15. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    I can't help it. I am stuck in a culture that is not aspie friendly.
     
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  16. Pinkie B

    Pinkie B Just Me

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    I believe all of us are.
     
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  17. Markness

    Markness Active Member

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    The one I live in actively thinks I am "retarded" and that I shouldn't have a girlfriend. I hate it so much. I don't have any hope for ever finding love and wish death would accept me.
     
  18. Pinkie B

    Pinkie B Just Me

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    I feel like I am legally required to suggest that you find someone to help you process your feelings about death.

    But I mostly wish I could offer you some comfort. That's a pretty awful place to be in.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

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    Lots of people, NT and ND never find 'love' but they're happy, settled, accepting of their life.

    Your issue sounds bigger than not finding love. I second the advice from the previous post - find someone (a medical professional) to work through your wish about death accepting you.

    You're 30 years old. Law of averages means you have long time left to feel so unhappy about your life. If you want change, you have to take the first steps.

    Please don't give up!
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  20. jared mills

    jared mills Rookie

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    it's unfortunate,that's what it is !