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Had an experience with a high functioning autistic woman that has made me feel depressed.

The only one that can't read between the lines is you dude.

She doesn't want you, how hard is that to accept? She was busy screwing guys that were better looking than you but she kept you hanging around in case of a dry spell. There is also nothing that suggests that she's autistic.

A 40+ year old salsa dancing Canadian psychologist that hangs around resorts with a bunch of 20 years sounds nothing like autism and everything like a red flag.

Don't be depressed, learn from this so you don't make the same mistake again.
 
Yeah I do remember also during that last day we were talking she was speaking about future things such as referring to me and saying ''when you're married, in 10 years'' which insinuated that she didn't expect to keep in touch or anything beyond this.
 
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Sometimes enigmatic people like that capture our interests because we want to 'figure them out'. From your story I can't tell whether she was just acting disinterested and humouring you, or couldn't bring herself to be nasty, or if she was actually on the spectrum. I think like others here have said, it's probably best not to speculate. I understand the allure though, she left so many unanswered questions as to who she was. Mystery is extremely alluring that's why you're still drawn to her - to figure her out.
Maybe she was uncomfortable with the age gap and knowing that it was just temporary she let you in a little bit. I know I don't like disclosing my age either in person, most people seem to think I'm much younger than I am.
It's probably best to leave it there and put this down as an interesting experience. If anything, you're a good person for giving someone a chance who isn't quite like everyone else. Most people would just dismiss them.

OkRad said:
I can't speak for everyone, but I doubt that someone on the spectrum would just start kissing a stranger. Most of us don't like to be touched!
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I dunno, I've kissed a complete stranger or two when a bit drunk... But granted I was 18 at the time, wouldn't dream of doing it now!
 
Judge said:
Yeah. Basically you were "had" by a much older woman who probably was not on the spectrum.

That's all. I wouldn't give it any further thought.
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I've had time to reflect on it and this was the most accurate answer, I was ''had'' in an unintentional way.




1) Its very unlikely a working settled woman in her mid 40's would ever be interested in a 20 year old student from a romantic perspective/keeping in touch, exchanging social media.

2) Had I known her age initially I would never have pursued her further past the first night or have been interested in keeping in touch with her.

3) She gave me her Facebook knowing that in the back of her mind that she was not going to accept when she got home, as she was not interested in anything beyond this aside from a little fun during the vacation with people much younger than her.

4) The age factor, she didn't want me to know her age and perhaps anyone else such as friends and family that she had hooked up with a guy much younger than her. (She was aware that I thought her to be around 25 that last night when we spoke).

5) The passionate tongue kiss meant nothing, she was just making the most out of the situation as she probably wouldn't have gotten another chance to kiss a man much younger than herself again.


I definitely feel a lot better now having understood the situation and been provided closure, would like to thank everyone for taking the time to respond to this post.
 
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Fortuna7 said:
I've had time to reflect on it and this was the most accurate answer, I was ''had'' in an unintentional way.
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A minor deception, but I believe you were still very much deliberately deceived. Victimization without any serious consequences.

Which is likely how this person rationalized what she did to you. A little "harmless fun" to her. Essentially you were "catfished", but in person and in real-time. Best to just put all this behind you and move on.
 
Monachopia said:
Sometimes enigmatic people like that capture our interests because we want to 'figure them out'. From your story I can't tell whether she was just acting disinterested and humouring you, or couldn't bring herself to be nasty, or if she was actually on the spectrum. I think like others here have said, it's probably best not to speculate. I understand the allure though, she left so many unanswered questions as to who she was. Mystery is extremely alluring that's why you're still drawn to her - to figure her out.
Maybe she was uncomfortable with the age gap and knowing that it was just temporary she let you in a little bit. I know I don't like disclosing my age either in person, most people seem to think I'm much younger than I am.
It's probably best to leave it there and put this down as an interesting experience. If anything, you're a good person for giving someone a chance who isn't quite like everyone else. Most people would just dismiss them.


I dunno, I've kissed a complete stranger or two when a bit drunk... But granted I was 18 at the time, wouldn't dream of doing it now!
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This is exactly what happened, I didn't even think we had the best romantic chemistry at the time due to her social difficulties and inability to hold a conversation (awkward silences, unnecessary rambling, exchanging information rather than communicating in a 'natural' way etc).


However she was different to everybody else and exhibited a childlike innocence/youthful appearance alongside her social naivety/extreme passiveness and her requirement to be 'guided' and helped by everyone she had interacted at the resort. I think this all hit a soft spot for some reason.
 
Fortuna7 said:
However she was different to everybody else and exhibited a childlike innocence/youthful appearance alongside her social naivety/extreme passiveness and her requirement to be 'guided' and helped by everyone she had interacted at the resort. I think this all hit a soft spot for some reason.
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To be fair - I think that is something quite a few of us Aspie girls (and some of the guys) share. That sort of ... innocence and need of guidance, and social naivety to some degree. No one can know if she's on the spectrum, but such behaviour does bring out that nurture thing in some people, there was even a thread about it somewhere on this forum because people feel uncomfortable with it sometimes! I know when I meet people that instinct is triggered in them too, people tend to go into a subconscious 'protector' role around me, I find it quite sweet, but not everyone likes it. :)
 
I'm confused as to why you think she was 'so into you'... throughout your story it seemed to me that she was trying to politely put you off, aside for 1 kiss which she may have instantly regretted or felt pressured into. Anyway, move on, she's not interested.
 
Yeah, sadly, sometimes this sort of thing happens. Might be a "fling" as some of the other people described.

It's definitely frustrating! Especially since you felt a connection with this person! It might not be anything personal, however. Just something she is going through :)

If she accepts your friend request, then she accepts your friend request. If not, take is as a special experience, and find new and exciting people!
 
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