Got late to the party

[ElBarto]

Hi guys I've just been diagnosed with audhd and I couldn't feel anything but lost. I'm already an adult over 30 and this whole experience feels pointless. Any hints?

 

[the_tortoise]

Any hints?

Not sure what you're asking exactly...

But it's not uncommon to feel lost, overwhelmed or underwhelmed, confused, etc after being handed a significant diagnostic label...

I guess my only "hint" is give yourself time....maybe you just need to sit with the new information...let it "percolate" quietly in your mind.

For some people it changes nothing to be diagnosed. You are you, labels or no labels.

For others it brings self-understanding, self-acceptance, or informs how they interpret/think about themselves and their experiences.

For others it helps them access services or support they have been needing and lacking, or find peers they can actually relate to, or guides efforts at skill development or self-improvement or self-help.

For others it is helps them self-advocate, gives legitimacy to whatever they have to constantly explain to non-autistic people.

 

[ElBarto]

I have understood a lot of my life with the diagnosis and it has given new light to my quirks of we can call them as such, but the world has not been kind now that I am allowing myself to be me after a huge depressive episodio that lasted years.

I just got laid off and had a lot of trouble with my marriage as it is hard for her to understand me and I feel like I am fighting the whole world trying not to lose the life I built for decades.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome.

I didn’t figure out I was autistic until I was 64. There are a bunch of us here in my generation who grew up before autism was a thing.

We face problems others can’t begin to comprehend. But you’ll find here a community of souls who understand.

 

[Shevek]

Your trip is uniquely your own, but maybe you'll recognize a lot of things others here have discovered. I was 56 when I got the news, and suddenly my whole life made sense. The AS was a big help in some ways, and a big problem in others.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I have understood a lot of my life with the diagnosis and it has given new light to my quirks of we can call them as such, but the world has not been kind now that I am allowing myself to be me after a huge depressive episodio that lasted years.

I just got laid off and had a lot of trouble with my marriage as it is hard for her to understand me and I feel like I am fighting the whole world trying not to lose the life I built for decades.

Welcome @ElBarto

Your journey is likely similar to many of us. Personally, I was relieved when I received my diagnosis... because there was a legitimate reason for my entire life experience. My next step was to educate myself on "all things autism"... and in your case, add "all things ADHD". The two, as you likely know, have some cross-over symptoms. There is quite a bit of psychology and psychiatry involved with this... but do know that this is secondary... the primary reasons for all of this is in the brain's anatomy and physiology. As with most things, "function follows form". We can go on and on about all of that in another discussion, but suffice it to say, there is a neurological difference that accounts for all of this. Autism is more a "difference" than it is a "disorder"... and certainly not a "mental health disease". However, as you have already figured out... some people see this difference and their natural instincts are there to point it out, marginalize, and even mentally and physically abuse... a few even kill.

The reality here is that "we" are not "them"... and when I say that we have to internalize this as not animosity against them, but rather with a personal sense of pride. Flip the paradigm. Look at the world around you... the neurotypical world... they are at each other's throats with all of this political, religious, racial, economic conflict... sociopathy and narcissism. Is this really something you want to fit into? Alternatively, we can walk around with an air of quiet confidence, that we can be the voice of love and unity, that we can be the ones to calmly temper the toxic rhetoric that pervades our society. When people find themselves in large groups, they tend to share a common consciousness... and often it is not good. We need to find the courage, love, strength and confidence to not let another person's toxic, abusive behavior be internalized. What they do to us says a lot more about them than it does about us.

Our brains are different enough that neurotypicals will never be able to internalize how we perceive our world and how we think... nor we of them. There will always be that disconnect... and it can be marginalizing, isolating, and even lonely at times. We cannot be members of "their club"... sure, we can associate and socialize with it... but not members. Good acquaintances... but rarely good friends. You mentioned your wife and your job... it's just a manifestation of that. I love my wife of 40 years... but I will never know her in terms of how she thinks... and she will never know me. Every day I am reminded of it. It's all about the communication and learning each other's "love language". I've been at my job for 40 years... my co-workers now know I am autistic and what that means when working with me. It didn't really change anything, but perhaps some people's perception and truth of who I am and why I think and behave the way I do. I'd rather have that than misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and false judgements. Accepting yourself for who you are... being self-aware, often with a sense of humor... and having that quiet self confidence is going to be key to you being the best person you can be. Do not allow others to drag you down... rather, be the person to pull them up. Once others see they can no longer hold power over you and you are there to be their support person, it will be life changing.

 

[Tired]

Hello and welcome!

this whole experience feels pointless

What experience? Living a life? Life has no great or deep meaning except the one we ourselves choose for it

 

[Grondhammar]

Welcome!

Feeling lost and having things seem to crash down sounds very familiar. But as others have said, my diagnosis brought a lot of answers with it about past experience, and has been a huge help already (six weeks or so).

Now I know what problems to anticipate, and I can be more true to, and accepting of, myself and my "odd"-nesses.
It also helps me accept people who don't accept me as I am. I know what they're reacting to. I can understand, given their other relationships, how jarring it must be to interact with a different way of thinking & being.

 

[Aspychata]

Before you found out your diagnosis, what kept you going in life, did you have a sense of purpose? Losing a job can really upset your very sense of being. Have you had any success with looking for employment? Welcome to the forum.

 

[TBRS1]

Hi guys I've just been diagnosed with audhd and I couldn't feel anything but lost. I'm already an adult over 30 and this whole experience feels pointless. Any hints?

Now that you know where you are you can begin to orient yourself and decide where it is that you want to go from here.

You're not lost. You're found. Now you get choices.

Best wishes!

 

[tree]

 

[Judge]

I didn't begin to unravel my own "personal mystery" until the age of 55.

It's never too late to reconcile with who- and what you are. Welcome to your own kind.

 

[Shevek]

Hi guys I've just been diagnosed with audhd and I couldn't feel anything but lost. I'm already an adult over 30 and this whole experience feels pointless. Any hints?

Up to age 30, I was only starting to find myself and explore the world. The best years were yet to come. There were many changes in direction, but often, previous experience in an unrelated field was quite helpful in problem solving. I did one job for 1% of what others were quoting.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Welcome.

I didn’t figure out I was autistic until I was 64. There are a bunch of us here in my generation who grew up before autism was a thing.

I was 65. That was 2 1/2 years ago

 

[RemyZee]

I was in my early 40's when I was diagnosed, and it was a relief to realize there was a structure for who I was and for my life. iIt was like all my life I've been ashamed, struggling with my differences, trained to ignore and hide them. I've siphoned away so much time acting like someone I wasn'l, trying to figure out why I felt so different, trying to feel normal, and dealing with ignorant people without my having the mental geometry to handle them. Things have changed, but it has also been MORE challenging and difficult because I'm facing things,at least to some degree, with some small bit of integrity as a person through and through, but I am at least trying. At other times it feels like dangling on a precipice. At other times like I've been zapped. And At times I am incredibly joyful and connected. Just expect to be depressed, devastated even at the realization you could have lived into yourself differently, but expect quite a bit of happiness from it too. It's about keeping it real and that's a good t hing and you'll learn about what it means to be you.

 

[Xinyta]

Welcome, @ElBarto

I feel like I am fighting the whole world trying not to lose the life I built for decades.

That is something that is hard to face. But changes are a enevidable thing. Feeling the way you do isn't wrong, but it's a sign you are fighting changes and wanting to hold on to the status quo you built for yourself.

However. This doesn't mean blow up the whole thing. But make minor adjustments to your overall status quo. To your own thoughts and veiws. Being open to the idea that there are better things coming.