going non-vocal

[Voltaic]

i have had this idea in mind for a while. i have tried over and over to try and write this, but always end up getting stuck. Kinda ironic, not being able to talk about not being able to talk about anything. so far, talking about not being able to talk about anything is a start and somwhat of an oxymoron.

My ability to express my thoughts have decresed drastically over the past year. i have a good idea why, but understanding it doesnt do me much good. so far, the best way to circumvent this is persistance, and a lot of redoes until i get it right. actually talking and not making posts on a forum, most of the times, i keep it simple, and get through expressing my point with grace. as i said though, as long as i keep it simple. but it isnt talking to friends that i am worried about, or even talking or writing in general. it is talking to doctor and during meltdowns.

it seems that the things i most need to talk about and the times when it would be best are both a challenge as of recent i cant overcome. (grammer? you get the point) as i am, i do really need help, and my ability to properly explain, or even ask is met with a mental blockade. the thoughts are running through my head, words needed to be spoken clear as day, but they never manage to make it to my lips. as my emotions ramp up, the more of an impossible task it seems to be.

when my emotions are in full drive during meltdowns, talking is out of the quetion. the majority of the times when i am rather alone, or at home, it isnt a significant problem. it is when other aproach me, or i am in a situation where i do need to comunicate when it is a problem. i try my best to prepare myself and those who have to put up with me during a meltdown, but because of the unpredicatbility, it becomes something i cant always do. leaving me to bear the brunt of whatever bad things might come of being unable to do what is needed to be done, and unable to explain why.

i think comunication for our comunity is a struggle. being such a crucail thing in everyones lifes, a problem in comunication can have consequences. i was really out to sharing my problems with this post, and honestly just to exercise my writing, but also opening up a conversation about this. i am sure this sint a problem that only i deal with, and that those who also deal with it most likely have better ideas to help than myself.

but i am moslty just writing for the hell of it, because i can

 

[Tom]

For important meetings or appointments I write down the main points I wish to make in advance on a piece of note paper that I bring with me. I could never rely on remembering things. I could rely on my brain going blank.

 

[Major Tom]

I write everything down and hand that to my doc for the most part. It seems to work pretty well. He can read and understand English pretty well, but he can't really understand it spoken. I am not to greatest at speaking medical Japanese either.

 

[the_tortoise]

My communication problems are different, in that I remain able to speak but don't have any words in my head when I am unable to communicate. I can't find any, or can't put them together fast enough so that they would form coherent statements (like I'll think of two words to describe/label two parts of what I'm thinking about and need to communicate, but there are like 20 parts that need to be described/labelled and there need to be connector words in between them for the whole thing to make any sense....or the two words are for unimportant parts, rather than key things, etc.). But I can relate to the struggle.

I write things down for doctors, too. (The trouble then becomes remembering to take the notes with me, and then remembering that I have them during the appointment, but I think that's just a matter of practice.)

Communication during meltdowns will probably never be possible for me. My brain is short-circuiting and language functions go completely offline.

 

[Pats]

I can't talk when I'm upset. I can't talk about things I really need help with. I write them easier and I have probably filled a mountain of notebooks in my life. Actually, that made me think of once when my (now x)sister in law was having to stay with us and she is hard for anyone to deal with. My (no x) husband was going out to the store and asked if I needed anything. I'm like, "Can't think of anything...oh wait. A new notebook." I was going through notebooks like crazy then.
I'd write notes of things I wanted to discuss with the doctor but that's where they stayed - in my notebook. For me it's like making a shopping list and never looking at the list while you're shopping. I'm getting better, though.

 

[BraidedPony]

I always write down important points in Lists on my beloved iPad. My doctor, attorney and my dogs vet appreciate it because I get right to the point.
I have a problem expressing myself because I don’t recognize what my emotions are (alexthemia). I know bad, good, something I call troubled and contentment. If someone asked me why I feel bad or needed more detail about what kind of “bad” I wouldn’t be able to answer.
There are many reasons people have problems with communication and there are things that help, like notes. But I do know that putting pressure on ourselves will not help. So my wish is that you will be able to give yourself permission to not communicate up to some standard and be ok with that.

 

[OkRad]

I tried this. It never works unless you move to a new place where no one knows you and learn sign language to communicate when needed.

I tried this very hard after an accident which made it hard to talk in the way I wanted. I went mute in certain places, but it made me a target. Then there were direct questions you cannot just stare at.

Those who do not know you think you are stupid. I had people talking to me in one syllable words.

Then those who know you think you are going crazy.

It seems like you can overcome it, but you can't because your mind starts going in circles: "They think I am stupid because I am not talking!" "They think I am going crazy!" Your mind get absorbed into trying to not talk instead of your special interest.

Also , you can become a target fast. I had a person who was VERY INTENT on getting me to smile and talk and interact. Hugging and inappropriate things. It got weird fast.

So now I have to play the game I was born into. There is no escape once you are verbal. I have never known anyone except one guy who stopped talking for a few years. One guy. And after those years, he said he was in a prison from it.

I suppose Trappist monks and Carthusians can get away with it. I guess you could become a monk or a nun?

If you master it and still retain all your special interests and find peace, please let me know.