Friend Keeps Ghosting Me (read bottom)

[The Artistic Autistic]

I don’t understand. A person keeps not showing up to hangout??

I met this girl at campus and we talk a lot and switch numbers. A week or so later I run into her twice in one day and we talk a lot each time, and at the end of the day she asks if she could go trick or treating with me. Several days later she texts me and wonders if I want to go to a party with her. I say yes and we go and everything is good. Later then late on halloween night I get a text from her saying she can’t make it. All well. Later when we are texting I ask if she wants to go hiking with me a week later. She says yes and we plan it out, yet when the day comes she’s completely silent and only the next day tells me she couldn’t come. A few days later we are texting and she asks offers to hang out on campus. I say yeah and I happen to run into her on campus. We say hi and she says that she’ll meet me outside after her class is over. Doesn’t meet me, texts me late in the day or next day she couldn’t make it because she had to meet with someone. We text and I ask if she wants to go to this park with me. She says yes and we plan it out. A day before I text her if she’s still coming and she says yes, yet now I’m sitting on the bench waiting and she’s a no show. I don’t understand?? We talk fine, she’s engaged in the conversation and I don’t know what’s up. She says shes sorry for this ghosting and that this is a problem she has ever since she was young and it strains her friendships.

Edit: she just texted me and told me she overslept and is coming

 

[Judge]

She says shes sorry for this ghosting and that this is a problem she has ever since she was young and it strains her friendships.

Unfortunately this isn't someone to pin your hopes on socially speaking. This is when you don't even want to ponder whether they are being sincere or not.

She'll just break your heart. Best to just move on.

How to Detect Flaky People: 8 Signs of an Unreliable Friend

 

[Outdated]

Once again I agree with Judge, although he worded things a little more politely than I was going to.

Wether or not she's doing it on purpose is irrelevant, no one deserves to be dicked around like that. My general rule:

First chance to do right by you is the first time you meet.
A second chance if they stuff up is fair.
Third chances only happen in fairy tales and I ain't no fairy.

 

[Rodafina]

You kind of have all that you need to know right here:

She says shes sorry for this ghosting and that this is a problem she has ever since she was young and it strains her friendships.

If you are living on the hope that she could be different with you, you are bound to be disappointed.

A lot of us here have stories about being disrespected or mistreated by another person because we were too understanding, too hopeful, too desperate, or just didn't consider our own self-worth.

The behavior you describe sounds disrespectful and rude to me.

 

[Aspychata]

Yeah, is she seeing what she can get away with you? Or is she simply forgetful, goes off track like ADHD types? Some types can't keep appts and get-togethers very well. If you truly want to know, just sit her down and ask politely. Or don't plan to meet her anymore

 

[FilterFreq]

I'm a perpetual ghoster myself so maybe I can offer a different perspective.

She probably has either abandonment issues or some kind of deep insecurity surrounding relationships; more than likely it's not malicious at all, even though it feels extremely insulting to be on the receiving end of it. Obviously it's on you if you give her second, third, or fourth chances (which she might also ruin), but if you have enough patience to understand this about someone and not take it personally, you might be opening yourself up to a great friendship with the caveat that this might be an ongoing thing.

Obviously, sacrificing your own wellbeing for someone else is never worth it, so it depends on what you're willing to put up with. But I can almost guarantee you that it's about her and not you.