Forcing myself to do something I don't want to

[Keith]

I have a history of forcing myself to do things I don't want to, even if it's against my better judgement.

When I was a kid I had a class where your day was either green, yellow, or red depending on how well you behaved that day. I deliberately misbehaved just so I could have a red (bad) day, feeling left out because I never had one. I had to force myself to act badly, since I was usually a good boy at school.

I forced myself this evening to act like the A's were terrible and painful to watch, just because they've had a bad year thus far.

 

[Progster]

Hmm, one example which comes to mind is forcing myself to pretend that I like a present that someone has given me for Christmas... unfortunately, I'm a terrible actor and it shows Faking emotions to fit in or please others is one of the most difficult things to do, it always feels so phoney, fake and superficial.

Also, I sometimes force myself to attend social events that I know I won't enjoy against my better judgement, such as parties or weddings.

What are the A's?

 

[AsheSkyler]

There's been a lot of social things I really didn't want to do either, and sure enough, they tended to end badly. I can be a pretty good actress, but that doesn't prevent some people from being nasty to you.

A non-social thing I forced myself to do recently was dig out a splinter. 4mm of wood that was 2mm under my skin. All I did was walk onto the porch! The relief was well worth it, but it was NOT fun digging that demon out.

 

[capybara]

I forced myself to take driving lessons since my grandfather had paid for them and my mum signed me up without my knowledge. I still hate driving, I haven't done it for about a year, so it would've been better to not do it at all, heh.

I started forcing myself to go out as well, or to ask my friends to go somewhere, ever since I was told people comment on the fact I'm always home. I should probably stop, it just stresses me out and I end up really tired at the end of the day.

 

[Ylva]

Since I was carefully conditioned to care what other people think, I now force myself to not care. Not always successfully, but I think I would rather die than live with that conditioning, and I don't want to die so that only leaves breaking the conditioning.

 

[Keith]

Hmm, one example which comes to mind is forcing myself to pretend that I like a present that someone has given me for Christmas... unfortunately, I'm a terrible actor and it shows Faking emotions to fit in or please others is one of the most difficult things to do, it always feels so phoney, fake and superficial.

Also, I sometimes force myself to attend social events that I know I won't enjoy against my better judgement, such as parties or weddings.

What are the A's?

The A's are my favorite baseball team. They play in Oakland, California (near San Francisco).

 

[Lealea]

The only way we can change any aspect of our life usually involves pushing yourself to do something you don't want to or something you find difficult, when you keep pushing yourself the easier something will be because the more you do it, the more you get use to it and the easier you'll find it. Although being in the predicament where you do not want to do something is ten times harder than trying to do something you want to.

I have had to force myself to do plenty of things, if I was to hide from them which seems a lot easier there's the stress of dealing with the consequences after.

 

[umbrellabeach]

During periods of intense anxiety, I've had to force myself to do everyday things like getting out of bed and eating. When I had my old job I also forced myself to get ready for and go to work, and work for several hours at a time even though it, being both social and physically active, was the last thing I wanted to do when I was anxious. Since then I've been learning to control my anxiety better, but I'm really proud of myself when I remember what I'm capable of during bad times.

 

[Tom]

I have a history of forcing myself to do things I don't want to, even if it's against my better judgement.

When I was a kid I had a class where your day was either green, yellow, or red depending on how well you behaved that day. I deliberately misbehaved just so I could have a red (bad) day, feeling left out because I never had one. I had to force myself to act badly, since I was usually a good boy at school.

I forced myself this evening to act like the A's were terrible and painful to watch, just because they've had a bad year thus far.

It sounds like you are altering your behavior to match what you think you should be like or want to be like (rather then just being what you are like).

Which is something I and many others have done all their lives to act NT and fit in. Or perhaps to act like something we are not but admire or think is cool.

NTs do it too, but mostly for the second reason given above.

I don't see anything automatically wrong with it. The dividing line for me has always been if it hurts or perhaps annoys someone else, then don't do it.

 

[Keith]

It sounds like you are altering your behavior to match what you think you should be like or want to be like (rather then just being what you are like).

Which is something I and many others have done all their lives to act NT and fit in. Or perhaps to act like something we are not but admire or think is cool.

NTs do it too, but mostly for the second reason given above.

I don't see anything automatically wrong with it. The dividing line for me has always been if it hurts or perhaps annoys someone else, then don't do it.

Thank you. I'll try to work on addressing this issue in the future.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

I have a history of forcing myself to do things I don't want to, even if it's against my better judgement.

When I was a kid I had a class where your day was either green, yellow, or red depending on how well you behaved that day. I deliberately misbehaved just so I could have a red (bad) day, feeling left out because I never had one. I had to force myself to act badly, since I was usually a good boy at school.

I forced myself this evening to act like the A's were terrible and painful to watch, just because they've had a bad year thus far.

Long long ago as I was attending Lascaux High School, I had a science teacher that I am delighted to slam now. He stated, that the moon orbits the Earth. The the Earth orbits the sun, except for Joshua when he requested the Sun to time out, and the Sun was at a fixed position in the Milky Way. Well this statement woke me up from a pleasant drooling nap. I raise my hand with trepidation, it might the first time in years that I dared to engage. My hand is acknowledged."yes".
"Sir, I am sure you misspoke, because we all know that the Sun orbits the center of the Galaxy."
So......." Who do you think you are to contradict teacher in their own classroom. I want an 850 word theme about..... Bricks, on my desk tomorrow morning."

Feeling a bit indignant I reported the incident to my, what is laughingly called, parents. Their suggestion, "go to your room and do it."
So I almost did it. Oh, it was done in the morning. It did have 850 words. I must have misunderstood what the subject was. I swear I heard him say "pricks". I defined every definition of pricks that I could find, even drew a picture of a tool for working leather or rope. Anyway, and of course, concluded this masterpiece with, " and of all the pricks that I have learned about, I never knew of a bigger..... I guess you get the point. I am forever, proudly a problem child. At least for my first 67 years.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

It sounds like you are altering your behavior to match what you think you should be like or want to be like (rather then just being what you are like).

Which is something I and many others have done all their lives to act NT and fit in. Or perhaps to act like something we are not but admire or think is cool.

NTs do it too, but mostly for the second reason given above.

I don't see anything automatically wrong with it. The dividing line for me has always been if it hurts or perhaps annoys someone else, then don't do it.

Tom, my friend. It seems to me that the concepts of the freedom of speech, any speech, even challenging speech and the exceptionally thin skin some folks, presents a dilemma. Perhaps rather than being silenced others should toughen up and be able to take a hit or let it go without having a temper tantrum like a immature two year old. I'm just saying if one only says what they are permitted to say, then how free is speech. Which constitutional article protects the thin skinned? Hoo. rah!

 

[Slithytoves]

One of my biggest sources of conflict with my mother when I was a kid was over my insistence that I not do what I didn't want to. I don't mean like eating my vegetables, brushing my teeth or going to bed on time. It was usually about something like learning a task I didn't see any value in, wearing a dress just because she wanted me to, or not doing things a certain way. I'd get the "Why can't you just...?" speech, but I really couldn't make myself do something I didn't want to do. It was like my brain just refused to send the signals required to perform.

When I got older I tried to do certain things I hated just to satisfy others and be polite, like going to certain kinds of social functions (weddings, showers, parties, reunions). In recent years I have started to refuse and people have just had to get used to it. It's working; I no longer get invited and that's fine with me. I don't really care what people think about it.

I've caused a lot of awkwardness by not going along with a plan, but I have decided I'm not going to force myself to do what's not comfortable if I don't think I'll get anything I want out of it. I definitely won't force myself to agree with something I don't. I feel it's my prerogative as an adult.

Hmm, one example which comes to mind is forcing myself to pretend that I like a present that someone has given me for Christmas... unfortunately, I'm a terrible actor and it shows

Oh, that's always been a KILLER for me! I now tell people to just skip the gifts. It's a shame, because I know people like giving them, and I like giving them, too. But it avoids an awkward moment if I just abstain from the custom altogether.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

Since I was carefully conditioned to care what other people think, I now force myself to not care. Not always successfully, but I think I would rather die than live with that conditioning, and I don't want to die so that only leaves breaking the conditioning.

Ylva, your post was heart wrenching for me. You are the only person you know you can never know another as well as you know you. Be true to yourself,
Use your intellect to control all the pain and determine that you will love you first. You must function either within the realm of the emotional firsts or the think firsts. We are imperfect humans and make imperfect choices, and that is fine. Trying to satisfy the whims of another, will almost always be a poor/ worst choice. Use your free will and the most powerful computational system in this bit of Universe, open a window take a deep breath and shout, " I am mad as H€LL , and I'm not going to take it anymore!." Come, dream with us!

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

One of my biggest sources of conflict with my mother when I was a kid was over my insistence that I not do what I didn't want to. I don't mean like eating my vegetables, brushing my teeth or going to bed on time. It was usually about something like learning a task I didn't see any value in, wearing a dress just because she wanted me to, or not doing things a certain way. I'd get the "Why can't you just...?" speech, but I really couldn't make myself do something I didn't want to do. It was like my brain just refused to send the signals required to perform.

When I got older I tried to do certain things I hated just to satisfy others and be polite, like going to certain kinds of social functions (weddings, showers, parties, reunions). In recent years I have started to refuse and people have just had to get used to it. It's working; I no longer get invited and that's fine with me. I don't really care what people think about it.

I've caused a lot of awkwardness by not going along with a plan, but I have decided I'm not going to force myself to do what's not comfortable if I don't think I'll get anything I want out of it. I definitely won't force myself to agree with something I don't. I feel it's my prerogative as an adult.




Oh, that's always been a KILLER for me! I now tell people to just skip the gifts. It's a shame, because I know people like giving them, and I like giving them, too. But it avoids an awkward moment if I just abstain from the custom altogether.

I agree.
I would prefer, at this point in life, to drag sensitive parts of my body across a thousand mile desert of broken beer bottles, than attend another social hoopla.

 

[Keith]

I was just reminded how I worry sometimes how easy it is to do something convenient but potentially harmful if done too often.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

I was just reminded how I worry sometimes how easy it is to do something convenient but potentially harmful if done too often.

Oh I know what you mean, the doing that which you know you will regret seems as difficult for humans as it is for gods. So I guess we are in good company?

 

[tree]

If I do what makes me happy, that also
brings in the opposite effect. Anything I can be happy about
I can also be sad about.

Sometimes I am better off doing what I don't much want to do,
because at least the result will be that I feel neutral. I think of
activities that I make myself do as 'green beans.' From a can.
Not so great, nothing to really look forward to, but do-able, and
since no massive expectation, not much danger of disappointment.

Reliable. No surprises.
That way, a positive result is a bonus.

 

[Epicurean Pariah]

If I do what makes me happy, that also
brings in the opposite effect. Anything I can be happy about
I can also be sad about.

Sometimes I am better off doing what I don't much want to do,
because at least the result will be that I feel neutral. I think of
activities that I make myself do as 'green beans.' From a can.
Not so great, nothing to really look forward to, but do-able, and
since no massive expectation, not much danger of disappointment.

Reliable. No surprises.

Take green beans from can, pour some of the liquid off. Add some sliced black olives and oregano, perhaps some onion or a small tomato. Surprise, you might like it. Pizza beans. Surprises are another spice of life. I don't like all spices either.

 

[tree]