First and last one night stand!

[LucyPurrs]

Well, what if you wrote a letter to her and gave it to your friend saying you really enjoyed your time with her and would like to take her for coffee to get to know her better or something. That would give her the message that you're not just interested in sex. And if you do it by letter she can either respond (put your contact info in there like email) or not. Would that be easier?

 

[garnetflower13]

I attach way too easily, as well. For this reason I spent many, many lonely years because most of the men that expressed interest (provided I could tell what was going on) seemed only in it for the sex. I tried casual sex for a time, but it left me emotionally devastated when the man did not feel like making it into a relationship. I felt used, too. So I finally shut down which was not healthy, but I just couldn't figure out how to find what I was looking for. There are people who find it very easy to engage in such intimate behavior and then walk away. I am definitely not one of them!

 

[garnetflower13]

Its got me thinking that the reason i cant hold on to a relationship is because of how quickly i get attached. After twelve hours with this girl i was planning a future with her. And i know that is not right and its not a healthy but i cant help it its who i am. But why am i like this? It appears to me that finding someone is hopeless.

I don't think this is an unhealthy stance, I think it is an integral part of who you are at your very core. There are people who go in for casual encounters, and then there are people who become attached very easily. Neither is unhealthy, they are different styles of being.

 

[Dan Dan]

Well, what if you wrote a letter to her and gave it to your friend saying you really enjoyed your time with her and would like to take her for coffee to get to know her better or something. That would give her the message that you're not just interested in sex. And if you do it by letter she can either respond (put your contact info in there like email) or not. Would that be easier?

Would be easier. Except i cant write. Im a stonemason, i dont use pen and paper. I'd have to print one off some how. On something with spellcheck because i also cant spell. As an NT is a letter something that would work? I don't know!

 

[pjcnet]

I've only had 2 one night stands that really were just 1 night without leading to any relationship, but I would sometimes get over attached to women even if I'd just gone out with them once without sex, that was probably why in my early days it never went any further or I ended up just "friends" when I was the one who wanted more.

My first one night stand was when I was quite young, I got very drunk (well the girl was actually buying me drinks lol) and I ended up in bed at a hotel when I was on holiday (the hotel owner made me pay extra the next day lol), the problem was when I woke up she wasn't anywhere near as nice looking as I remembered when I was very drunk (to say the least) and I thought, "NO, I didn't" lol, it was really awkward and she chased me for a while since she'd already taken my details and she happened to live not far from where I lived. I wasn't interested and I felt guilty about the whole thing even though she was the one that chased me from the start, I kept fobbing her off hoping she would get the message over the phone, then she finally got nasty with me asking me why I'd apparently led her on, we had a row and that was the end of it (a relief).

I was a bit older on my 2nd 1 night stand, I was truly interested in another woman (someone definitely not good for me who I later ended up with in a very destructive relationship), but I was feeling really p**s*d off as I thought I'd got no further with her after just cuddling her for a night before she went home with no further contact for ages. I however had a lot more confidence than normal at the time and felt like I needed cheering up so I asked a neighbour out which ended in a one night stand. My neighbour was very good looking and at the time I didn't really know whether the relationship would go further or not, but afterwards I heard from the woman I really wanted which made me loose complete interest in her. My neighbour did call a couple of times afterwards, but I had other interests. BTW I had a lot more confidence and I actually felt invincible at the time entirely due to an antidepressant which has now been banned in many countries with numerous law suits called Paroxetine (AKA Seroxat), while on this harmful drug I was a different person and not in a good way, that's just one reason why I condemn antidepressants these days as so called "quick fixes".

 

[Ruby Tuesday]

I'd say you did great: not clingy or annoying or creepy afterwards. You felt great and free and *she felt it*.
If nothing else, she can probably become your friend to message and joke sometimes, which is not a trivial thing. Get her number and text her. Tell her just the truth that you want to tell her: that you really really enjoyed that night with her and waking up afterwards
Maybe she wants to say something to you too.
Don´t plan the rest of the messages or the next 10 years, just *observe*. I mean, none of us is ever gonna be a "regular" relationship anyway, so why try to copycat stuff from romantic comedies? Tell her something concrete about stuff you talked about, send her a picture of a wombat peanut butter sculpture or something
Nothing to lose and you might learn stuff by trying.

Also, falling in love is awesome *and* a torture. But is genuine. And shows that you are alive and human and good for the universe.

Enjoy it
...as an extreme sport

 

[LucyPurrs]

Would be easier. Except i cant write. Im a stonemason, i dont use pen and paper. I'd have to print one off some how. On something with spellcheck because i also cant spell. As an NT is a letter something that would work? I don't know!

Since you have a computer download the program called Grammarly and it will automatically correct your spelling and grammar and it's free.
Sign Up – Create a Free Account | Grammarly
Yes, as an NT I would say a letter certainly could work and since it's not in your face or hers might be a lot more comfortable for both of you.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

I feel like i should have said something in the morning but now its too late. Is it to late?
(Also in my original post i meant to say December 2017 not 2016. It was a few weeks ago not last year. Im a bit slow! )

firstly it sounds like you had a genuinely lovely time with this girl and maybe had a real connection at least from how you described it. certainly better than one night stands ive had

a few weeks definitely isn't too long so i would definitely go for it, it may be awkward going through a friend but just think how nice the experience was and how great it would be to have again.
maybe ask for her number from the friend rather than use the friend as a messenger if that makes sense, might be easier.

in terms of attachment i think its pretty common for most aspies, obviously we need to be able to manage it and not go overboard too early but its not a bad thing that as said earlier we have big hearts, a good quality if anything.

wishing you the best of luck in this and totally encourage you to go for it.

 

[ksheehan88]

I have done this many times, and behaved in the same way. I never learned not to do it, I just happened to have found one that stuck around lol.

 

[312Sarah]

From an NT perspective, just get her number and call her. It’s not too late. She might say no, and that could hurt, but you’ll be in no worse shape than you are now. And she very well might say yes. There’s no way for her to know you’re thinking about her and would like to see her again unless you tell her. Most NT women will expect you to make the next move, shy or not.

 

[OlLiE]

ah but you see, in my personal opinion (not necessarily correct), you are most likely not "attached" to the person but to the feeling of being accepted

it took me forever to understand that
if you want these kind of things to potentially work out, it has to be about the person that you appreciate

 

[OlLiE]

btw if she went back with you, then i guess that to a certain degree she trusts you, and that there must become kind of common ground

maybe try to find it,
not asking = done, asking = maybe
if you do it, make sure it is about her, and not about yourself
just respect what she says

 

[garnetflower13]

I have done this many times, and behaved in the same way. I never learned not to do it, I just happened to have found one that stuck around lol.

Me too!

 

[Propianotuner]

How is it that on an autism forum this many people have had one night stands? All I can see on the horizon is a life of being profoundly alone and dejected. Yet here there are supposedly a bunch of people on the spectrum who have had marriages, casual sex encounters, etc., by the look of things maybe most or a significant portion of the members...

 

[Fitzo]

How is it that on an autism forum this many people have had one night stands? All I can see on the horizon is a life of being profoundly alone and dejected. Yet here there are supposedly a bunch of people on the spectrum who have had marriages, casual sex encounters, etc., by the look of things maybe most or a significant portion of the members...

Well it is a spectrum, so obviously everyone has different life experiences. Just like many NT'S would say exactly the same thing.

 

[Propianotuner]

Well it is a spectrum, so obviously everyone has different life experiences. Just like many NT'S would say exactly the same thing.

This doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, it's a spectrum. But riddle me this: how is it that reportedly a staggering percentage of people with ASD find themselves unemployed and alone as adults, yet here there are all kinds of people just swimming in relationships by comparison?

 

[Bolletje]

This doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, it's a spectrum. But riddle me this: how is it that reportedly a staggering percentage of people with ASD find themselves unemployed and alone as adults, yet here there are all kinds of people just swimming in relationships by comparison?

I guess that means either the reports are biased, or it's a spectrum and everyone has different life experiences.

I perceive the world differently from the way most people do. That doesn't affect what I look like, what my personality is like, or how my pheromones affect others.

 

[Fitzo]

This doesn't make any sense to me. Sure, it's a spectrum. But riddle me this: how is it that reportedly a staggering percentage of people with ASD find themselves unemployed and alone as adults, yet here there are all kinds of people just swimming in relationships by comparison?

It's not about the number of friends or lovers, it's more about how long they last.

 

[garnetflower13]

How is it that on an autism forum this many people have had one night stands? All I can see on the horizon is a life of being profoundly alone and dejected. Yet here there are supposedly a bunch of people on the spectrum who have had marriages, casual sex encounters, etc., by the look of things maybe most or a significant portion of the members...

There are also a lot of Aspies who have been sexually or physically abused, who are or who have been homeless, the list is endless. We are all human beings first and foremost and subject to the same life conditions.

 

[Ambi]

I am not advocating one night stands, but here's what I think happened - you jumped over the social maze it takes to achieve a degree of intimacy and enjoyed that intimacy - not just physical, but emotional, too. It was a short cut. And now that what would be required is to actually enter that social maze again to get together with her more seriously, the discomfort and anxiety of it all is difficult to deal with. But it must be dealt with if you want a chance at any relationship at all, period, so why not this one? It's not like you'll avoid this process at a future time with a different person, imho.