First and last one night stand!

[Dan Dan]

Ok so to cut a long story short, the day after Christmas day 2016 i had my first one night stand. I wont go into to much detail because there's to much to say regarding how it came to happen. I went out, I met a girl (I've met her before she is a freind of a freind) and she came back to my house. Ive had relationships before but this has never happened to me.

In the taxi i was super nervous, not because what was about to happen, but because of all my geek items in my room. My rock collection, my stone sculptures etc. And how immaculate my room is. I thought she'd be put off by everything but she wasn't, she loved my room.

In the morning i woke up first. I just lay next to her thinking how awkward its going to be when she wakes. But it wasn't awkward at all. She rested her head on my shoulder and we started chatting about life and so on, I made her a coffee and she hung out with me for a while and for the first time in a very long time i felt normal, like an actual real human being. Made me realise that being close and intimate with someone is what i crave most in life and i didn't want her to go.

The next day i wore a smile all day thinking about her. How she liked my room, all the things we have in common and she loved my dog which is huge plus because he is like my only family. Then it started to dawn on me that i probably wasn't going to see her again and that it was just a one time thing. I went back to being lonely but this time it was worse. I was feeling isolated and really blue. It was feeling like this that prompted me to join this forum. I never want a one night stand ever again.

Its got me thinking that the reason i cant hold on to a relationship is because of how quickly i get attached. After twelve hours with this girl i was planning a future with her. And i know that is not right and its not a healthy but i cant help it its who i am. But why am i like this? It appears to me that finding someone is hopeless.

 

[OkRad]

Ok so to cut a long story short, the day after Christmas day 2016 i had my first one night stand. I wont go into to much detail because there's to much to say regarding how it came to happen. I went out, I met a girl (I've met her before she is a freind of a freind) and she came back to my house. Ive had relationships before but this has never happened to me.

In the taxi i was super nervous, not because what was about to happen, but because of all my geek items in my room. My rock collection, my stone sculptures etc. And how immaculate my room is. I thought she'd be put off by everything but she wasn't, she loved my room.

In the morning i woke up first. I just lay next to her thinking how awkward its going to be when she wakes. But it wasn't awkward at all. She rested her head on my shoulder and we started chatting about life and so on, I made her a coffee and she hung out with me for a while and for the first time in a very long time i felt normal, like an actual real human being. Made me realise that being close and intimate with someone is what i crave most in life and i didn't want her to go.

The next day i wore a smile all day thinking about her. How she liked my room, all the things we have in common and she loved my dog which is huge plus because he is like my only family. Then it started to dawn on me that i probably wasn't going to see her again and that it was just a one time thing. I went back to being lonely but this time it was worse. I was feeling isolated and really blue. It was feeling like this that prompted me to join this forum. I never want a one night stand ever again.

Its got me thinking that the reason i cant hold on to a relationship is because of how quickly i get attached. After twelve hours with this girl i was planning a future with her. And i know that is not right and its not a healthy but i cant help it its who i am. But why am i like this? It appears to me that finding someone is hopeless.

You are very smart to realize this so early. Many never do. I never had a one night stand. But I attach terribly.

 

[LucyPurrs]

So sorry this didn't develop into anything- sounds like it was a good match- at least for a start. Why did it end do you think?

 

[Adora]

I’m sorry about this but I know how it feels thinking someone would like you because they seem to like or share your interests,while I didn’t have a one night stand with him I once went on a date with a guy many years ago and thinking he was into movies and comics like I was and lacking understanding of proper conversation etiquette I ended up going on and on about it,he seemed to reply and talk about it aswell and so I thought he liked that stuff but our date ended and I didn’t go on a second date with him,I found out a while later he told other people that I kept going on about comics and that I was boring which did hurt me a lot because he didn’t seemed bored but I just didn’t pick up on it,but don’t let what happen to you get your down,you will develop feelings for someone else and they will return them,I can get attached too so don’t feel so bad about yourself.

 

[mw2530]

I've never had sex, but can imagine that it is a wonderful experience if it is with the right person. I understand how your experience may have made you realize just how lonely you truly are which must be nearly unbearable. I often think about how much I have missed out on in this department and has made me fairly bitter and with little hope at the age of 30.

 

[WereBear]

It is part of having a good imagination, I think. Projecting into the future so readily.

We have big hearts.

 

[Fitzo]

I think that when you don't form attachments easily, you tend to read more into them when you do finally make one. It's easy to assume the other person must feel the same way, but for them it's often 'easy come, easy go'.
The ASD conundrum!
That doesn't mean you won't find someone special, but you might have to 'kiss a few more frogs' along the way. If you meet someone, try not to appear too keen because that in itself can turn them off. The dating game is not for the faint hearted, whether you're on the spectrum or not!

By the way, with this other girl, did you ask for her number? A lot of girls still do expect you to make the next move.

 

[Dan Dan]

So sorry this didn't develop into anything- sounds like it was a good match- at least for a start. Why did it end do you think?

I dont know its all i can (over)think about. I suppose its modern culture. I hear about it all the time from freinds and co-workers, people sleep with people and talk about it like it was nothing. She was just a NT girl who liked me just enough for one night and for her it was probably nothing. But for me it was something!

 

[Dan Dan]

I think that when you don't form attachments easily, you tend to read more into them when you do finally make one. It's easy to assume the other person must feel the same way, but for them it's often 'easy come, easy go'.
The ASD conundrum!
That doesn't mean

By the way, with this other girl, did you ask for her number? A lot of girls still do expect you to make the next move.

We didn't exchange numbers. I didn't know if i should or not. But we have a mutual friend and she lives close by. I know that if she wanted to see me again she would tell my freind and she would tell me. They both know how shy i am.

 

[onlything]

I get attached too easily. That's why I keep distance. Safer that way.

 

[LucyPurrs]

We didn't exchange numbers. I didn't know if i should or not. But we have a mutual friend and she lives close by. I know that if she wanted to see me again she would tell my freind and she would tell me. They both know how shy i am.

Well from an NT point of view, I think it would have been entirely appropriate for you to have asked her for her number and maybe made a comment that you enjoyed her company and would like to get to know her better/hang out to get to know her better, or some comment of that nature. I understand why you didn't but she might not realize just how hard it is for an aspie to do this. Just wanted you to know how I, as an NT, would have reacted if you had done that ( I'd have said Yes!)

 

[Judge]

Interesting. I appreciate the OP's candor in such a post. When I read of such accounts, I don't think of it in terms of any neurological uptake of it all, but rather two schools of thought.

Those who have no issues whatsoever over what amounts to "zipless sex" and those who do. That is, a sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement or commitment or any ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons.

I suppose for those of you willing to accept such circumstances, unless you sense anything to the contrary that the encounter is about sex and sex alone. Not a foundation for a relationship.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Interesting. I appreciate the OP's candor in such a post. When I read of such accounts, I don't think of it in terms of any neurological uptake of it all, but rather two schools of thought.

Those who have no issues whatsoever over what amounts to "zipless sex" and those who do. That is, a sexual encounter for its own sake, without emotional involvement or commitment or any ulterior motive, between two previously unacquainted persons.

I suppose for those of you willing to accept such circumstances, unless you sense anything to the contrary that the encounter is about sex and sex alone. Not a foundation for a relationship.

Well, I just can't imagine having a sexual encounter without any feelings and just for the sake of sex. But that's me. Maybe it's easier for guys to do this? I don't know but I do know that not all guys are like that.

 

[Judge]

Well, I just can't imagine having a sexual encounter without any feelings and just for the sake of sex. But that's me. Maybe it's easier for guys to do this? I don't know but I do know that not all guys are like that.

I can't even date women in the most traditional and social sense. I had to get to know them on a level of friendship before even considering the romantic and sexual implications provided the circumstances were even there. Without all the social rituals that never made any sense to me.

Nope, I couldn't emotionally process a "one night stand" either.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I can't even date women in the most traditional and social sense. I had to get to know them on a level of friendship before even considering the romantic and sexual implications provided the circumstances were even there. Without all the social rituals that never made any sense to me.

Nope, I couldn't emotionally process a "one night stand" either.

Yeah, I didn't get the social rituals either- one guy had to tell me "I'm making a pass at you." I think it's because I never considered myself very dateable (not beautiful, popular, sociable or any other of the things that tend to attract most men.)

 

[Dan Dan]

I feel like i should have said something in the morning but now its too late. Is it to late?
(Also in my original post i meant to say December 2017 not 2016. It was a few weeks ago not last year. Im a bit slow! )

 

[Judge]

I feel like i should have said something in the morning but now its too late. Is it to late?
(Also in my original post i meant to say December 2017 not 2016. It was a few weeks ago not last year. Im a bit slow! )

Doesn't matter.

One thing to consider though. How poorly many of us on the spectrum may process social dynamics in real time. That in your case it simply happened, and that for many of us we could only truly process the ramifications of it all well after the fact.

So there's no telling how many of us might have reacted as well under similar circumstances.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I feel like i should have said something in the morning but now its too late. Is it to late?
(Also in my original post i meant to say December 2017 not 2016. It was a few weeks ago not last year. Im a bit slow! )

Depends on whether you are willing to risk her saying no. I wouldn't think it's too late if it was in 12/17 but you might have to explain why you waited so long to ask her out again. Do you feel comfortable enough to talk about this confidentially with your mutual friend?

 

[Bolletje]

A few weeks isn't that much. What do you have to lose? Rejection sucks, but so does whacking yourself over the head with "what if?".
My current long term relationship evolved from what was supposed to be a one night stand. It came about because we both admitted we had too much fun talking and hanging out the one time to not see what a second get together would bring.

 

[Dan Dan]

Depends on whether you are willing to risk her saying no. I wouldn't think it's too late if it was in 12/17 but you might have to explain why you waited so long to ask her out again. Do you feel comfortable enough to talk about this confidentially with your mutual friend?

I dont know. I've very little confidence in my self. Im not sure how I'd react to her saying no. I could speak with my freind although i wouldn't be comfortable. In fact id have to because ive no other way of contacting her. Its confusing!