Feeling "younger" than my age?

[Fino]

The concept of mental age seems to assume that there's a certain developmental progression for maturity that follows the same pattern for everyone. You're supposed to be like this by age 10, then like this by age 20, then like this by age 40, etc. If you do those things earlier, your mental age is higher, and if you do those things later, your mental age is lower. That may be true for many NTs, but people on the spectrum don't seem to follow typical developmental patterns. We can be 'advanced' in one area while being 'delayed' in another area, even when those areas are supposed to be closely related. Socially, you could say that I'm delayed because I have trouble doing a lot of things that come naturally to NTs, but at the same time I seem to have a better intellectual understanding of the things they take for granted, which can actually let me understand better than they do if I have time to analyze the situation.

We also don't always have conventional interests, and NTs have firmly decided that certain interests belong only to certain age groups, so someone can be classified as mature or immature based only on their interests. What business is it of theirs if I like to make and play with little clay creatures and give them species and families and history? It was fun when I was 9 and it's still fun now that I'm 29. How is watching romantic comedies or football games or gossiping about celebrities a more mature activity? And what about the fact that I also like NPR podcasts and sociology and science? But then what about the fact that I still love my made up fantasy world from when I was 7? But what about enjoying documentaries? But what about liking fanfiction? But what about liking the kind of fanfiction that explores the effects of small changes over time or the implication of things that were brushed over in canon, or the way everything changes from different perspectives? And what about the fact that I liked these same things when I was 11? Am I mature or immature? Or do I just like what I like, regardless of what other people say is age-appropriate? Meanwhile, there are plenty of neurotypical adults out there who can't wait to have kids because their kids will give them an excuse to do the fun, childish things that they never really wanted to stop doing but are too embarrassed to do by themselves?

As far as emotional maturity, I'd like to see how well the typical neurotypical would handle their emotions with light shining in their eyes and sounds screeching in their ears while people get mad at them for no apparent reason and act like the things they find impossible are easy and the things they are good at don't matter. What looks like emotional immaturity may come from dealing with a world that wasn't designed for us. It also may come from feeling emotions differently.

Generally, I'm more mature than my classmates. That makes sense, because I'm older than them and have more life experience than them. However, they've never been panicked by not knowing which chair is acceptable to sit in and they have no problem picking their groups for group projects. They've also been on dates and know how to go to bars, and when presented with a new group of people they can automatically arrange themselves into new friend groups before I even realize people are doing that. So who is more mature? It's not really a valid question. I can compare myself now to my past self and say I'm more mature now than I was then, because I can see specific ways that I've improved. I can also see things that I'd like to improve in the future, so I hope that future me is more mature than current me. But comparing the mental age of people on the spectrum to NTs doesn't make sense to me. We just develop differently. It's like saying that a cat is delayed because it hasn't learned to fetch a ball or a dog is delayed because it hasn't learned to climb a tree. Help them learn to do those things if those are useful things to do, but there's no reason to compare the ages at which they learn to do them. They're just different, and we're just different. The rest of the world is just slow to understand that.

I could feel my perception altering as I read. That was awesome.

 

[Onna]

This subject intrigues me.

I have this nagging feeling...

Is the "emotional immaturity" that you speak of possibly simply indicating the difficulty in reacting like NT's to the emotional and social "flow" of interaction?

If so, I don't necessarily consider this "immaturity".

I have acted, spoke, and thought contrarily to the "herd" often.
My difference always stressed a more moral or ethical approach.
A more logical approach.
I sought to be as mature and as compassionate and as objective as possible.
I often counsel others against harm, retaliation, or retribution.
In that way, I consider my emotional intelligence to be superior to most--- my ability to find the ability to commit a kindness on one that would by most be considered an "enemy".
To be able to act altruistically and selflessly.

Yes, I am often "out of sync", on an emotional level, but it is mild amplitude and modulation that is the difficulty--- not my inability to sense the flow, or emotion in others--- only my slight disconnect/distance from it. That desire to preserve the rational oversight of logic and compassion, instead of gut emotional responses which are often destructive, if we heed them.
Is it this distance that you mean, when you say "emotional maturity"?
The distance between "normal" behavior, and our(ASD) actual response?

If so, it would seem to me that "maturity" may be the wrong comparator. That emotional "maturity" would be the ability to act contrary to emotions, when necessary, and/or when they are immoral, unethical, or unacceptable. What are your thoughts?

Is there anyone else that would weigh in on this?
Thank you, @Peter Morrison , @Onna, all.
Interesting discussion.

I’m not entirely sure if I understand your question, but I’ll give some more info and hope you can find the answer through that.

I also took an IQ, an EQ and a left or right Sided brain test.
Obviously I’m aware that these online tests are not to be fully trusted, but it was still some tests with some meaning.

The IQ test came out high, probably higher than expected, but at the end as the questions got harder, I started to guess the answers and sensed that they might be a certain one, if that makes sense? When they gave me the results, it showed that I had guessed alot of them correctly.
The EQ test came out really low... shockingly low, to the point that I laughed out loud at my ineptness, I don’t know why I found it so amusing, but I didn’t particularly disagree with it either with the way my life is going at the moment.
I definitely feel as though I have had higher EQ in the past than I do now. For instance, under certain long term stressful or upsetting situations, I am able to empathise easier.
My current low EQ could be because of my recent diagnosis, leaving me to feel less like putting pressure on myself. Or it could be due to SSRI’s. I feel it’s possible that since the SSRI I might actually have Alexithymia.
It’s difficult to explain, but things certainly seem differently in my brain than in the past, it’s almost as though I can physically feel brain chemistry sometimes, and it feels different than I’m used to, I also feel less able than I used to in interactions with others.

The right and left sided brain test was also interesting, because it said I used both equally. This didn’t surprise me, because again I’ve been feeling a shift in my abilities. It’s similar evidence to when I take the Myers Briggs. For years I have always come out as INFJ, but recently even though I’m still INFJ, the Thinking function has been catching up to the feeling function... they’re almost level.

I’ve been reading about awareness recently, and I’m not entirely sure (because I haven’t read enough) but I think my public awareness skills are actually pretty good, but my self awareness isn’t.
Although again I feel there have been times where I have been very self aware, and times where I haven’t. A recent example is... after leaving a painful relationship I wasn’t aware that after the relationship I had stopped almost all activities that could potentially end in an emotional reaction, because I couldn’t handle the pain.
I’ve become aware of it recently and am now making changes to deal with these issues, because I know that if you want to have contentment, and peace and enjoy life then you just have to do it.

 

[Illkurok]

Yeah I feel younger than my age mentally a lot.

I'm almost 27 and outside of work I'm one of the most laid back people. I'm always laughing at a cartoon or still wondering why in the world I still build stuff with legos.

I think part of it is just not wanting to accept the fact that I'm getting older. Some days I feel like a young lad again running through the yard pretending to hunt down the rebel scum while I'm a Stormtrooper.

For the most part I think it's good to have that sense of feeling younger either physically or mentally. It has certainly helped me get through some really hard times in life.

 

[Ginseng]

I have acted, spoke, and thought contrarily to the "herd" often.
My difference always stressed a more moral or ethical approach.
A more logical approach.
I sought to be as mature and as compassionate and as objective as possible.
I often counsel others against harm, retaliation, or retribution.
In that way, I consider my emotional intelligence to be superior to most--- my ability to find the ability to commit a kindness on one that would by most be considered an "enemy".
To be able to act altruistically and selflessly.

I love this!!! I have questioned my childlike thinking and behavior at times: trusting (yet difficulty trusting), gullible, enjoying novelty toys, exploring, examining the universe etc.. But when it comes to people, I want to be there for them. I want to hear them and connect.

I have always wanted someone to hear me and care enough to try to find me. My goal when I was younger was to find lost people. Not physically lost, but lost in their head. Afraid to come out and not knowing how to come out. I had to find my own way out.

Trying to find someone to walk with me and help me find or see the path has been out of my reach. I ask for help but no one hears me. Surely my goal of finding lost people and paying attention to others who may be lost or hurting is maturity? I had never thought about it like this before. I feel much better, especially in a world that values maturity but with a different yard stick.

 

[ASD_Geek]

You guys sound very similar to myself. Some thoughts from my perspective...

I remember reading somewhere that people on the spectrum had a mental/emotional age that could be 1/3 to 2/3 of their actual age. That being said, I've always felt like I was perpetually in my teens or in my 20's. While I am a "responsible adult" with a family, I still enjoy Young Adult shows, books, etc. I've always felt this way, too. When I was 14, I still wanted to be 12 so I could still play and have fun, etc. The same for when I was 16, etc. I never wanted to grow up.

I have a sophmoric sense of humor, love goofing around, having fun and have been told a number of times to, "Grow up." I love Legos, Nerf, etc. I love exploring and still have a child-like sense of wonder and hope. I could live in Disney World and as a matter of fact, when I was 17, I ran away from home and headed for Disney where I thought that I could live and get a job there. I get lost in thinking and dreaming but at the same time, although it's exhausting, I can manage to "pull it together" in order to accomplish an "adult task".