Feeling like you dont belong

[CDOCONNOR]

You’re welcome CareBear26. And I hope all of us on this forum can be friends. It’s a difficult world.

“No Man is an island” Ray Bradbury

—Chaz

 

[PokemonManiac]

@CDOCONNOR im sure we can all be friends on this forum

 

[CDOCONNOR]

I have never belonged anywhere. Not in my family, not among my long-lost friends, not at any of my many jobs.I had a bit of partial belonging through a special interest I excelled at, but that world revealed only one narrow slice of me, and is long-gone. I have given up on beloning anywere and have accepted that it is my lot be apart and alone until the day I die. It's better than having an identity that makes you part of a group of people you can't stand, I guess. I've tried that and it was horrid.

I’m all too familiar with groups revolving around special interests. The warmth of belonging ends when the group meetings end. And I literally have 1 friend (I guess). I’ve learned to keep my guard up when helping others because what guarantee do you have that they’ll reciprocate? But usually I strengthen my heart, body, and soul to go after the things I desire—not in a weird, stalker-ish way lol, I just never give up.

See, I’m a published prose poet. I’m learning to view people like publishers: if one turns you down send your material to another

—C

 

[CDOCONNOR]

@CDOCONNOR im sure we can all be friends on this forum

Great I guess friends are like jello, there is always room for more!!

 

[PokemonManiac]

@CDOCONNOR yes totally i like being abit crazy around my friends, i notice some aspies act older that their age, i tend to act younger than my age

 

[CDOCONNOR]

@CDOCONNOR yes totally i like being abit crazy around my friends, i notice some aspies act older that their age, i tend to act younger than my age

So do I. It’s the key to making life more fun and enjoyable in my opinion. I never try acting older or taking myself too seriously. I do have my ups and downs though but who doesn’t.

 

[PokemonManiac]

@CDOCONNOR im glad you never try acting older, good for you being the way you want to be does make life somewhat a little easier

 

[CDOCONNOR]

Very much so. And good for you too We need a world where all people aren’t afraid to be themselves or put up a pretense !!

 

[Thalia]

Don't worry . I feel the same exact way . I feel I dont fit in any community or forum . My issues are big im sure no one can relate to me . i feel left out and alone . i'm tired of feeling this way . I want to be understood and noticed for once .

 

[PokemonManiac]

@Thalia i see you are new to the forum and want to welcome you, i hope people here will be helpful to to and i hope you will be able to fit in
If you want to chat you can always pm me

 

[Thalia]

Thank you means a lot , hope this forum helps me . I'm up to talk too if you like

 

[CDOCONNOR]

Don't worry . I feel the same exact way . I feel I dont fit in any community or forum . My issues are big im sure no one can relate to me . i feel left out and alone . i'm tired of feeling this way . I want to be understood and noticed for once .

You're in good company Thalia. We all care for you

 

[Thinx]

I think having one friend is about capacity for me. I mean it's hard to manage more and actually I m not sure the idea of friendship as in NT norms is how I m wired to do. I am actually relieved when a meeting with an acquaintance or a social event is cancelled. Two meetings per year with a Friends probably enough. And some texts. However when younger I was maybe more aware of how I was supposed to be rather than what worked best for me.

I think finding interesting structured ongoing things to do has worked best for me such as courses and education where I m often achieving well despite being an odd ball so people give me some credit for that. Also I can use humour in groups sometimes effectively and make people laugh. I find this a nice halfway to socialising, we can come and go, no pressure.

I hope you feel comfortable here CareBear26 and everyone posting here and if not, I would very much support you to say what is uncomfortable for you as I would want to try to adjust how things are or how I am, to help.

 

[CDOCONNOR]

I have high functioning autism. When I graduated from college I possessed a 3.42 G.P.A., I’m also a published prose poet. Yet, I can’t get a good “career” to support a gold fish; I’m always overlooked. It’s tough knowing you have the skills and abilities yet you’re autism holds you back. And there are laws against discriminating against people who have autism in the job world, but not many get caught because there are millions of loopholes—and who can afford a lawyer. It’s tough when this controls your life dreams.

And I have trouble finding good friends. Yeah, NTs’ are great at pretending to be your friend when they’re in need, but when the shoe is on the other foot they leave you high and dry, or accuse you of being selfish. I’ve experienced that most of my life—especially in relationships. So overall, I’ve really lost—god I hope I’m wrong—my ability to love and feel; stuff I don’t deserve because I’ve never done a cruel thing to anyone. So yes, I understand all too well the feelings many people in this thread have described—-especially the loneliness and suicidal feelings (it’s a crushing, tearing, grinding feeling on the heart. It’s like you can literally feel your heart bleed). I’m tough, but every man since the beginning of time has their breaking point. I’m really trying to believe in a brighter tomorrow but it’s tough. It gets tougher when you’ve lost your father and ex in 2015–span of 2 months, your loving great aunt in 2016/2017; one of the only people who always loved you so deeply, and your great uncle in 2018. I can understand and sympathize with everyone here.