Feeling like harming myself.

[Metalhead]

And my mother and my AA sponsor are telling me over and over again what a great boss I have right now and how I should appreciate all she is doing to help me out right now.

Forget AA, I am leaving that program as of right this second.

And we all know my mother is a narcissist who likes my boss because she talks to my boss to keep tabs on me and how I am doing at my job.

A move to Michigan to rent a room for $500 a month just might be in my near future. I will keep my friend's house spotless and find a remote job to make some extra cash while living off SSDI primarily.

 

[Kayla55]

Find a job before you quit. Cloud can't be as stressful as some jobs, or am I missing it. I was at stage once where I'd write down everything to do for day and tick it off, then just take baby steps each day. Hence I was busy so house was a mess...oh no big hue-ha...no understanding. Just for clarity, my father endorsed the Germans in our family, afterwards they cut us all off!! I told them we will cope fine without their bad attitude. So we battled and all the facist issues he caused affected our life, he denies it. Same as denying Russia is taking blame while Netherlands lives above socialist means. ie. Schooling in Netherlands is openbare....even Montessori is free. Yet he has ordasity to say my other son did this naughty thing and mostly everyone else agrees boys will be boys.

 

[foliodoe]

Idk in my case right now my job is ruining my life and mental health. No one knows the future, whether they will have worse circumstances if they quit or not but right now, if someone is suffering i see no point to prolong that.

I can definitely understand that perspective too. Losing my job has actually refreshed my mental health and given me a chance to heal from being burned out. But it's also the case that being unemployed might be the first step towards homelessness or death, so there's some good and some bad. It depends on how it all pans out.

 

[foliodoe]

And my mother and my AA sponsor are telling me over and over again what a great boss I have right now and how I should appreciate all she is doing to help me out right now.

Forget AA, I am leaving that program as of right this second.

And we all know my mother is a narcissist who likes my boss because she talks to my boss to keep tabs on me and how I am doing at my job.

A move to Michigan to rent a room for $500 a month just might be in my near future. I will keep my friend's house spotless and find a remote job to make some extra cash while living off SSDI primarily.

If you have friends you can count on, they can be an invaluable resource in times of chaos and reinvention! I was able to drag myself out of a 2-year depression by opening up to my friends and collaborating with them on building the next chapter of our lives.

 

[Gerontius]

And my mother and my AA sponsor are telling me over and over again what a great boss I have right now and how I should appreciate all she is doing to help me out right now.

Forget AA, I am leaving that program as of right this second.

And we all know my mother is a narcissist who likes my boss because she talks to my boss to keep tabs on me and how I am doing at my job.

A move to Michigan to rent a room for $500 a month just might be in my near future. I will keep my friend's house spotless and find a remote job to make some extra cash while living off SSDI primarily.

I thought you weren't in heavy contact with your mom? She doesn't sound like she's very nice, based on what you've been saying before--like she's not nice at all.

The more you post plans, the more we know you're still alive, so yay. As for Alcoholics Anonymous -- twelve-step programs are helpful for some, and not for others. Buzz Aldrin, in his autobiography Magnificent Desolation, described how a lot of the A.A. stuff wasn't super helpful for him either. A.A. with good people helped; doing it with substandard people did not. Sounds reasonable. The core here is keeping you and hooch well apart. If you had a supportive group of friends instead of A.A., awesome.

 

[Metalhead]

There are other jobs out there where I will not spend more time commuting than actually working. There are other jobs out there that are more suited to my skill set - I hate making outgoing calls nonstop for four hours especially given how some of the people instantly assume I am a prank caller due to my tonal modulation issues when I speak. I have been having severe health issues most of this year so far, but my boss clearly could not care less about that - she wants me on the phone four hours a day, no breaks, and she is always looking at her phone to make sure I am always on a call on Line 1. If I stop for a couple of minutes, she points that out to me.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

No you don't. You don't want to harm yourself, and you don't want to drink. You want to end the overwhelming thoughts and feelings and feel loved.

We are all here for you. You know we think you are wonderful. I mean look how popular you are on the forums.

I have faced death. I have seen my body betray me and a child having to take care of me because no one else stepped up.

I have also recovered and gotten stronger than ever, thanks especially to that child who sacrificed her childhood and her physical and mental health to save her mama in so many ways. My new life's mission is to make it up to her.

Hold onto love. Hold on to light.

Find even one glimmer of hope and hold on to it with all your might. Rejoice in it.

Some things to tell yourself: "My feet carry my body. I have food. I have a community. It is sunshiny out. I could go rest in the park." Those kinds of things.

I don't know how you feel about the following statement, but it's true: Jesus loves you, and so does all of us.

 

[Metalhead]

My mother, my boss, my AA sponsor.

I now will apply the C-bomb to describe all three of them. I am better off without them.

 

[Judge]

My mother, my boss, my AA sponsor.

I now will apply the C-bomb to describe all three of them. I am better off without them.

Sometimes real change is warranted.

 

[Misery]

Yeah, my boss told me that if I do not have my sleep and health issues fixed by Monday morning, I will be out of a job ASAP.

What a slimy move by your boss.

As if something like sleep problems and what not can just be fixed by punching them hard enough. But employers always think like that, dont they? Unless they are the ones with the issue.

And we all know my mother is a narcissist who likes my boss because she talks to my boss to keep tabs on me and how I am doing at my job.

Wait, okay, I'm sorry but I've got to ask about this, because this bit really sticks out to me: why does your mother even have that contact? Is your job any of her business?


Honestly these people dont deserve you. They deserve like, I dunno, a bucket with some googly eyes stuck to it, based on how much they all seem to care.

YOU deserve so much better than any of this, and you're too good for them. I hope you realize that.

I really hope you can find something else, anything else.

 

[MildredHubble]

The behaviour from your boss is unacceptable! If you are so vital to that company that they harass you when you are supposed to be taking time to recover from being unwell then you are due a huge raise!

This is just me, so I am not making a recommendation, but I personally would be tempted to very dispassionately go to see her on Monday and say since it is extremely clear that I am such an important cog in this particular machine that I'm going to give her an option. $10,000 raise backdated to 6 months ago, or I'm going right back home to take some time to recover. A minimum of 2 weeks. And if I am harassed even once during that time, I will sue them into oblivion. All calls to my home will be recorded as will text messages and emails.

Grrrr! This sort of thing makes me so angry! You are human, and human beings get sick and tired from time to time.

 

[Metalhead]

People in AA are telling me that I should try my hardest to keep this job for the time being even though it is clear the job is already over for me. My boss went on a speech this morning about how all of my co workers now hate me because my health issues make me an unreliable worker.

And I just had to take a call from my boss for the last five minutes because she had more data entry for me. She told me she is going through chemotherapy currently, but she is bucking up and being more of a man about it than I am with my health issues. What a vicious person she is.

 

[Kayla55]

And you have families who live in a cheaper area next to like a refinery and kids get Ashma. The system is a mess, so many times I want to kick myself for messing up for my kids, saying I never thought this world was a place for kids, but somehow it's cope!!
I was staring so many hours at computer monitor and my eyes were blurry....I had cucumber slices for lunch break, then took my lutein vits
If don't have friend in office who visit for pizza or something and just help post enough....buy time, find another job and feel good when you quit and it's not going to totally disrupt you.

 

[Judge]

People in AA are telling me that I should try my hardest to keep this job for the time being even though it is clear the job is already over for me. My boss went on a speech this morning about how all of my co workers now hate me because my health issues make me an unreliable worker.

And I just had to take a call from my boss for the last five minutes because she had more data entry for me. She told me she is going through chemotherapy currently, but she is bucking up and being more of a man about it than I am with my health issues. What a vicious person she is.

That my friend, is indicative of a hostile work environment. Where such sentiments cannot be forgotten or taken back.

If anything would have me actively seeking employment elsewhere, this would be the case.

 

[Kayla55]

Not possible, Kimo makes you so sick, I don't believe can work during this. Even selective choice like radiation therapy is stressful.
ive had days where I could scream, I was told my son doesn't have autism and it was jealousy over managing to try have normal life. I lost it and spent 10 mind explaining difference Hopkins and I think it's Hutchinson's disease and that at end of it we all inherit something is hereditary factor.

 

[MildredHubble]

Your boss has committed the Fallacy of Relative Privation. Just because she claims to have problems, it does not mean yours are insignificant. I'm a bit suss about this chemo claim. Regardless, it does not mean that you should flog yourself.

Honestly, imagine if they had just given you the opportunity to catch up on some sleep and how much more energy you would have had in Monday.

Living beings need sleep for a reason. Without it we get physical, mental and cognitive issues. It's not a "nice to have", it's a necessity. The more sleep debt you accrue, the worse things get.

I've had really bad problems with my sleep last few years, I'm a shadow of my former self. I look like I've aged 10 years. I know how detrimental sleep deprivation can be.

This is so unfair! I wish I could contribute more than just feeling livid over how they are treating you!

 

[Metalhead]

Yeah, I will take my new prescription this evening, and I will look at more local job listings tomorrow. I do not need the two hours plus commute both ways for these four hour shifts five days a week. I do not need a suicidal boss who demands I be suicidal alongside her. I certainly will not speak any more of this to my family. And I am also done with 12-stepping.

 

[Kayla55]

Ye, bad memoirs. When we finally leave I'll never forgive school, first asked IQ test, then after a while didn't believe it was autism. Then constant chirps about keeping up. Now attitude was dropped actually said written skills with constructive criticism, but
I don't want to appear as my problems are coming from two many different angles or people simultaneously as then things directed back at me about 'coping' and as if I deserve this.
It's a small town with narrow minded, old outdated systems, prejudice. There is a school for generally disabled children and I obviously didn't understand, inclusion....well of course I want him to keep up n have education.
I am going to eventually leave, but not at cost of my kids disruption.... So I'm holding it off for as long as I can organise to provide stability

 

[MildredHubble]

Yeah, I will take my new prescription this evening, and I will look at more local job listings tomorrow. I do not need the two hours plus commute both ways for these four hour shifts five days a week. I do not need a suicidal boss who demands I be suicidal alongside her. I certainly will not speak any more of this to my family. And I am also done with 12-stepping.

Don't give up on the progress you've made. Don't let them make you do that.

 

[Misery]

Yeah, I will take my new prescription this evening, and I will look at more local job listings tomorrow. I do not need the two hours plus commute both ways for these four hour shifts five days a week. I do not need a suicidal boss who demands I be suicidal alongside her. I certainly will not speak any more of this to my family. And I am also done with 12-stepping.

Well said.