Feel unworthy of relationships, friendships or otherwise?

[vermonqueen]

Hello aspie and autistic world!
I'm just wondering if you guys go through periods of feeling unworthy of friendships and romantic relationships.
I''ve struggled to make friends throughout my childhood and with my adoeslesent/adult friends any effort to keep a relationship going seems to be on my part.
I stopped socialising about a month ago and have been focusing on my special interest areas instead and now when I have to interact with people I'm an unbearable snappy meltdown *****.
This has left me feeling unworthy of relationships because it would take a lot of patience and understanding which I don't feel is worth people's time, we all want an easy life and friendships shouldn't need that kind of effort.

 

[vermonqueen]

What are you experiences of this or similar? Does solitude work?

 

[Judge]

I consider solitude to be a necessary part of the equation, but never a replacement for friends or relationships.

 

[clg114]

Hello aspie and autistic world!
I'm just wondering if you guys go through periods of feeling unworthy of friendships and romantic relationships.
I''ve struggled to make friends throughout my childhood and with my adoeslesent/adult friends any effort to keep a relationship going seems to be on my part.
I stopped socialising about a month ago and have been focusing on my special interest areas instead and now when I have to interact with people I'm an unbearable snappy meltdown *****.
This has left me feeling unworthy of relationships because it would take a lot of patience and understanding which I don't feel is worth people's time, we all want an easy life and friendships shouldn't need that kind of effort.

When I was young, I felt like that a lot. As I've grown older I don't feel like that as much. I think it is because we gain confidence as we grow older. However I still need my alone time.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh how I know what you mean!!! Ok so I am married, but sometimes, still am crushed with a sense of how on earth can it be possible that this man loves me so much?

In my faith, we have what we call: visiting speakers to our spiritual meeting and my husband and I, were down to show hospitality to today's speaker and his wife. I honestly spent a night of sheer panic; tossing and turning and feeling sick to the stomach, but for all things: because of the wife. I have this issue with women ie feel inferior with certain types of women and I was petrified of my worst nightmare coming true, that she was tall and beautiful etc and honestly, it had me so sick, that I woke with a pounding headache and flapping around, hyperventilating, with hubby trying to drum reason into my head.

They are a lovely couple but it was excruciating mentally painful to have them in my home. I felt soooooo inferior to the occasion and at one stay, they were looking at me and I had to tell them, to please not look at me, but I must have done it in a haha way, because they smiled and looked away. The conversation was great though, but it is awful to be in charge, and I honestly hate it with my whole heart.

My husband says that with practice I will be fine - so damn typical that ie instead of crawling into a corner and forgetting things; nope I have to put myself out there even more!

 

[AsheSkyler]

My late teens were very rough, and spent with a none-to-nice person, so I did feel pretty bad for a while. Now I avoid certain types of people and feel pretty good about myself. I have pros and cons, and I don't hang out with people who only notice the cons. I'm a package deal, you don't get to pick which parts you want.

 

[Coupe]

I feel like I'm not deserving of friendships or romantic relationships. I think solitude is best for me, but I do tend to envy people who I see with their friends, or even just with one friend, and it looks so easy for them.

 

[James K Trefethen]

Solitude, for me, is great. I would not want it any other way. It sounds horrible- but getting burned is no fun. Why play a game that is so difficult?

Obviously, people have relationships they doenjoy. As people with autism, though, we have to work twice as hard as anybody else just to make it work.

I might be wrong but I think men and women experience isolation- including isolation caused by autism- differently.

 

[Madame Catfish]

I go through periods where I'll completely withdraw from everyone I'm not completely forced to socialise with on a daily basis. I mean, I don't talk to people at school or chat via texts and make a concerted effort not to meet new people during these occasions and only speak with my family members because I have to. It's not a form of spite for other people, sometimes I just need to decompress and not have to think about all of the complicated social things buzzing around. It's not that I feel as though I'm "unworthy" of relationships with other people, just that I don't feel the need for them. Not that I think I'm "too good" for that sort of thing (as most of my classmates suspect), just that it isn't my mode of operation. I wasn't built to engage or be engaged by others. I was built to analyse and collect information. I've always seen the life of "normal" people as this complex circus that I can sit back and watch, considering I'll never learn how to actively participate. Besides, tightrope walking can be dangerous, and some bears are particularly mean.

 

[Maelstrom]

Hello aspie and autistic world!
I'm just wondering if you guys go through periods of feeling unworthy of friendships and romantic relationships.

Hi vermonqueen Sigh! I know exactly how you feel, the dreaded I don't want to burden others with me and my AS thing.Bleh! Makes you want to curl up in a dark corner and sleep forever. Part of me thinks it would be wrong for me to drag someone else down with my AS. But the other part of me says there must be some one out there who needs some one to love who can adjust their expectations to my AS. And to be fair even tho there are many things I will never be very good at because of my AS, my AS also helps me notice many small loving and nice things that I could to make wife and family happy that many NTs would miss. So I am not such a poor deal, it's just getting past that first bit that is hard.

 

[Vinca]

I'm just wondering if you guys go through periods of feeling unworthy of friendships and romantic relationships.

I''ve struggled to make friends throughout my childhood and with my adoeslesent/adult friends any effort to keep a relationship going seems to be on my part.
I stopped socialising about a month ago and have been focusing on my special interest areas instead and now when I have to interact with people I'm an unbearable snappy meltdown *****.
This has left me feeling unworthy of relationships because it would take a lot of patience and understanding which I don't feel is worth people's time, we all want an easy life and friendships shouldn't need that kind of effort.

I don't think that I experience unworthiness in relation to friendships and romantic relationships, but I do experience a sense of being broken and not functioning in a manner that I assume most other people would expect in a friendship and relationship.

I assume that a friend would want to be able to talk to me about what's going on in their life and how they feel about it. I struggle to know how to respond to anything but the most basic and superficial of life's issues. If I have time to think and reflect, as I do online, I find it a bit easier, but there isn't that amount of time availabe in a face to face or over the phone coversation

Sometimes I may perceive that an aquiantance/friend is in need of some form of encouragement but I don't know what would be encouraging for them to hear so I don't know what to say, or worse, I say something insensensitive, without realizing it.

I think I have periods of time where I feel more confident in myself, so will attempt to scale the mountain that is 'social interaction' and even enjoy the challange. At other times though, when lacking confidence, it's easier to be by myself.

I find solitude beneficial but I also find benefits in social interaction, even if it takes alot of effort.

 

[Warwick C]

I think we all like our times of solitude, where we can focuss on ourselves.

 

[MrJelle]

Hi vermonqueen Sigh! I know exactly how you feel, the dreaded I don't want to burden others with me and my AS thing.Bleh! Makes you want to curl up in a dark corner and sleep forever. Part of me thinks it would be wrong for me to drag someone else down with my AS. But the other part of me says there must be some one out there who needs some one to love who can adjust their expectations to my AS.

That is exactly how I feel as well. Well, I do have a girlfriend, and she loves me (I think? ), but when texting or talking to other people (Especially at work), I sometimes feel that, they don't like me or maybe they think I am too strange. But mostly it is going fine. But I still have these moments, where I believe I'm not good enough.
I guess that was also my issue in my for me in school, because I really have trouble making friends in real life, so most of my friends, is made via the internet.