Feel so sad that my natural peaceful nature is hidden!

[Suzanne]

I thrive on goodness, justice, decency, honestly, truthfulness, mildness etc etc and yet, I find myself bitterly angry and very confrontational ( always the one to hide from that).

I am sorry but being surrounded by nts has turned me into a red hot ball of anger! I cannot get past what to them is no big deal a slight, is to me, the most cruelest attitude.

I guess I am rather niave to expect people to be nice!

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I thrive on goodness, justice, decency, honestly, truthfulness, mildness etc etc and yet, I find myself bitterly angry and very confrontational ( always the one to hide from that).

I am sorry but being surrounded by nts has turned me into a red hot ball of anger! I cannot get past what to them is no big deal a slight, is to me, the most cruelest attitude.

I guess I am rather niave to expect people to be nice!

Suzanne, I'm so sorry!

It is so hard to do your best and discover that what you're getting back isn't supportive or kind or helpful. I don't know what else to say, other than the website was down for a few minutes and people may be delayed getting back to you. I hope you can find some quiet time to heal a bit and be extra kind to yourself today.

 

[watersprite]

That happens to me too Suzanne; meaning the red hot anger thing. Oh it is most uncomfortable, and such a relief when it subsides. Most recently a person at a doctor's office set me off. It can sometimes take me a long time to calm down.

 

[Suzanne]

That happens to me too Suzanne; meaning the red hot anger thing. Oh it is most uncomfortable, and such a relief when it subsides. Most recently a person at a doctor's office set me off. It can sometimes take me a long time to calm down.

Oh thank you so much for responding; have been feeling really out of sorts, because of how things are and to be honest, you have helped to relieve me a bit, because I know that aspies are not supposed to be confrontational but I find myself being that way, more and more. Goodness me, my husband always used to moan that I really am annoying that I never wanted to face disagreements; rather they just pass by! But I am different now and do argue the point, but it just makes me sick with distress and like you say, so relieved when I calm down!

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne, I'm so sorry!

It is so hard to do your best and discover that what you're getting back isn't supportive or kind or helpful. I don't know what else to say, other than the website was down for a few minutes and people may be delayed getting back to you. I hope you can find some quiet time to heal a bit and be extra kind to yourself today.

Thank you for your sweet and calming words. Yes, I now realise the website was down; it took my aspie brain a few seconds for that to kick in lol

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Thank you for your sweet and calming words. Yes, I now realise the website was down; it took my aspie brain a few seconds for that to kick in lol

Oh, you are so welcome. I'm really glad kestrel chimed in, I couldn't think of anything to say at the time (so I channeled my internal WarmHeart, who always has something soothing...!)

I know the hot-core thing too. I can almost hear my brain trying to whisper to wait, to calm down, and the hot center just keeps wanting to erupt, it isn't reasonable at all, or forgiving, or kind, it just wants to get out and protect me from a threat that isn't actually there. And I just can't see that at the time, only afterwards, sometimes a long time afterwards. Even when I do hose it down, I feel as if I'm not standing up for myself, and it takes so long to realize that what looked like weakness was really strength--that managing the hot core is part of my aspie-ness that I struggle with, because it involves my expectations of other people and my expectations of myself, and sometimes false perceptions. It's important, because other people do experience me as confrontational, and I think I'm just speaking up.

 

[Greg]

I give people the benefit of the doubt that they will respond in a positive manor with the glass half full response but it seems so many times people let me down and have the half glass empty response. A lot of the time I get frustrated.

 

[Peace]

I feel that way often, I am also confrontational (as most of you already know). I too try to be kind, supportive and friendly. If I become angered, it usually takes the whole day for me to calm down unless I have a meltdown. Then I crash immediately after.
We love you here and give our support. May today turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

 

[epath13]

I thrive on goodness, justice, decency, honestly, truthfulness, mildness etc etc and yet, I find myself bitterly angry and very confrontational ( always the one to hide from that).

I am sorry but being surrounded by nts has turned me into a red hot ball of anger! I cannot get past what to them is no big deal a slight, is to me, the most cruelest attitude.

I guess I am rather niave to expect people to be nice!

I can be quite aggressive sometimes and rude, but I can't blame it on the environment... I mean of course I can, but, in the end, the blame part always comes out as being irrational. I think in my case, and I believe in case of many people with Autism, it's a matter of training (or lack of it) how to behave in a confusing or potentially threatening situation. I think a lot of people on the spectrum can go very quickly from being peaceful to aggressive, it all has to do with impulse control. I think it's possible to learn to react to environment and personal issues in a more positive way. And I'm not talking about mechanical repetition, every situation has to be evaluated 1st and triggers need to be identified.
The last thing I want to say, and this is my main point: "be the change you wish to see in the world" I know it is an overused quote, but it gets the point through. If you are dissatisfied with your behavior, it's in your power to change it. We can't wait for the world to change so we can change, the whole change thing starts with each individual effort.

 

[Naturalist]

Suzanne, I hope you are feeling better today and have enjoyed some of the peace you crave! Everyone has stated things so well but I feel this on an almost daily basis sometimes. I have to make the choice to immerse myself in the things that matter most to me, so that I can reconnect with my peaceful self and let go of the anger I frequently feel. It gets more difficult, though, if the anger is connected to the things you love, like someone standing in the way of a desired opportunity... Haven't resolved those sorts of dilemmas yet.