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Feedback needed from female aspies and their loved ones

sisselcakes

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Hi All.

Please give me your opinions and feedback on your experience as a female aspie or a person who loves one. Thanks so much!

I've become intrigued by AS since realizing my bf may be on the spectrum and I have been reading a lot as well as watching videos.

I was listening to Tony Attwood speak at a conference. He discussed the fact that female aspies often present themselves differently. For example, that many females learn to pretend well and can act as chameleons, so to speak. He also mentioned that, in general, those with AS can either isolate and become more reclusive while others may attempt to manage life by becoming intrusive and hyper-verbal, almost appearing overly social but their social behavior isn't appropriate by society's norms.

This really hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have a friend whom I met about 5 years ago at work. She is fun and has a great sense of humor but she was always inappropriately loud in the workplace (cubicle land). I could easily see that she grated on the majority of co-workers' nerves. She seemed to have no awareness when it was time to settle down or that she was irritating people. I sometimes felt panicky when stuck in a small space with her because she talked incessantly, interrupting frequently. There was one incident in which a co-worker, whom I really respected and would have never imagined could act like this, let her have it. She ripped her to shreds for her behavior. My friend was completely clueless as to why the co-worker was angry. She always felt like people liked her when I could see that wasn't the case, or maybe she wanted to believe they did.

She received feedback several times about her "unprofessional" emails which were designed in bold, bright letters of varying fonts and colors.

Once I got to know her better and felt comfortable with giving her feedback, I tried to gently give her insight into how her behavior is perceived, because I know she would never want to be thought of that way. We had a system where I would throw a paper ball at her to give her the heads up it was time to stop talking during a conference call, for example

I have a lot of compassion for her because she has lived through a lot, basically a solitary life with some superficial friends here and there. Every few years she moves. She overeats and gains up to 80 lbs before going on a horribly strict diet to lose it. This is a life pattern.

She is an EXTREMELY anxious person, diagnosed with OCD and major depression. Because of her apparent manic-like traits many people have suggested she has bipolar disorder but I don't think that's the case. (I work in mental health) She has always adamantly insisted she does not have bipolar because she does not want to go on a mood stabilizer. She relies on what appears to be a manic mood to get through life. I'm really thinking this may be something she has created as a coping skills. I feel so much for her and the struggles she has and still faces.

I remember one night she told me that in 2nd grade she realized she was different. She couldn't explain how, but she said she felt like the only person on earth who was like her; and she didn't mean this in a good way. She also shared that she was bullied in school. Unfortunately, she was so bullied at her last job that they harassed until she was fired. It was absolutely horrible.

I'm pondering so many things right now, like the fact she seems to be two different people. She is crazy, silly outgoing; yet when i got to know her better she seemed like a lost soul who really had few true connections in this world.

There are some other things and I will explore some of them with her because she won't be offended; but I'll just ask the community now if any females can relate to this? Or perhaps someone has a friend or family member with this kind of social behavior you wouldn't expect from what the general public knows about ASD.

Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!
 
Yes, yes, yes, I can definitely relate to the behaviour you've described. I'm a toned down version, though. I've had loads of times where, if I feel comfortable in a group, I will be very outspoken, and let myself babble on and annoy everyone... But most of the time I keep more to myself, not wanting to attract attention.
 
I have a friend whom I met about 5 years ago at work. She is fun and has a great sense of humor but she was always inappropriately loud in the workplace (cubicle land). I could easily see that she grated on the majority of co-workers' nerves. She seemed to have no awareness when it was time to settle down or that she was irritating people. I sometimes felt panicky when stuck in a small space with her because she talked incessantly, interrupting frequently. There was one incident in which a co-worker, whom I really respected and would have never imagined could act like this, let her have it. She ripped her to shreds for her behavior. My friend was completely clueless as to why the co-worker was angry. She always felt like people liked her when I could see that wasn't the case, or maybe she wanted to believe they did.

I was this person for years. I now hate that person I used to be, more than Emma Frost hates the White Queen.

Unfortunately, she was so bullied at her last job that they harassed until she was fired.

She got fired for being harassed? Isn't that a bit like going to jail for having been mugged?
 
I was a lot like that as well, but now I am toned down greatly. I have actually grown and changed a lot, people sometimes don't realize how bad it had been and so they always see the negative, but really, I am doing much better because I got help.
 
I was this person for years. I now hate that person I used to be, more than Emma Frost hates the White Queen.



She got fired for being harassed? Isn't that a bit like going to jail for having been mugged?
LOL. Yes I supposed it is. I meant to say she quit after being harassed. She might as well have been fired! At least she would have gotten unemployment.
 
I can relate as well, I did something similar as a teen, I learned better once I had a PR man that told me point blank, in no uncertain terms where and how I was screwing up and, just where I could shove my verbose hyperactive mouth. :confused: He wasn't one bit kind about it but, that's what I needed to get my brain to rethink socializing and, buckle down and learn form the man. Best thing I ever did as far a socializing goes.

Still I can and do pull that hyperactive mouth out of the closet when I'm on stage and have to get the audience fired up, loud, obnoxious, energetic and, over the top hyper gets the energy going and, that's what I need then. "Alright, HEY! You're too quiet! this is a {bleep} Rock concert. Are you ready to Rock!? You! use that mouth on me, not that {bleep bleep} cell phone. It's going to be a great show, we are the best and, we're going to prove it. Now let me hear how bad you want to rock!" Cue the screaming, half of them excited, the other half either think I funny or, I've pissed them off. Whatever, I've got their attention and, they are interacting with me.

That's an extreme example of how that works, but the effect is the same. While it can be an Aspie coping tecniqe and, thus the person doing it means well, it can also be used by NT attention seekers or, those with low self esteem simply as a means to get attention, any attention, even if it's negative.

I would hesitate to call her an Aspie without further evidence.
 

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