Facebook and other social media

[Licorice]

People who get a lot of likes on Facebook:
1) Have a lot of people there to give likes.
2) Are actually social and like to talk to others, which makes them more likely to be noticed themselves.

It's the same as the offline formula for popularity, pretty much.

A like is just a like, though. Most of the people on my Facebook didn't post "Happy Birthday," but they merely forgot to say anything, didn't know whether or not it would be awkward since we haven't seen each other since three Christmases ago, aren't inclined to reach out to every single acquaintance every time something little happens, or greeted me in person and not on a website.

Facebook is only serious to people who are worried about social acceptance and looking for any way to gauge that, but what they tend not to take into account is that others don't view Facebook in the same light. Failure to respond is a sign of the same vague disinterest and absentmindedness that people give to a news article that isn't something they feel like reading about or an assignment they intended to do before finding YouTube videos to watch.

I think it's a bad idea to give undue power to words, while we're on the subject of Facebook and people's issues with it. "Friends" does not mean actual friends, it means online contacts as well as people with access to your information and vice versa. Not single person I know with hundreds of friends thinks that adding someone as a Facebook friend means they have the same kind of relationship with them as the people they've been close to for years. Thank goodness for that, otherwise adding my brother on Facebook would be insulting him by saying he's a friend and not family.

 

[tree]

 

[Xenocity]

don't take social media too seriously...

I mean to get likes on Facebook it normally consist of posting stupid stuff or popular stuff.

 

[Turanga Veela]

Well, this has been my own experience with it, which is mostly positive. I do block sources that consistently make me uncomfortable (say, meme groups that push guns and god, in that order), and unfollow for bigoted or intolerant behavior.

About two-thirds of my FB friends are those that naturally migrated from two other pre-FB forums, and many tend to post on serious societal matters, so there's actual discussion involved. Over a dozen are from over the pond, so I get the non-American viewpoint. Even if, sometimes, it's just on the finer plot points of Game of Thrones. I don't always participate in debates, but I'm always learning something from them, about differing viewpoints or human behavior.

As I've said elsewhere, I read much of my news there. And many of my "friends" have the same dark sense of humor; sharing memes might seem silly, but for someone who's at home with kids most of the time, that outlet has some value. It's low-risk, low-energy-output social practice. Even an NT can screw up royally on Facebook, if they're not careful with wording, and someone misconstrues the intent from lack of tone, after all. I look back at my posts from ten years ago, and the sheer preponderance of whiny statuses of old (not that sharing problems is bad! but I sounded constantly crabby over the most trivial stuff) bore even present me! so obviously there's been some kind of learning happening. Likes are nice, and all, but I no longer make the mistake of using them as a goalpost.

And I consider my timeline as, well... a timeline. For nearly a decade, I kept a blog to sort-of diarize things, and now FB has taken the place of that. If DH and I have a disagreement on when some kid milestone happened, there's a good chance one of us has shared it with our families on FB. When you have the only grandkids/nephews and your families live 2,500 miles away, it's an easy way to disseminate kidnews with no muss or fuss.

 

[Astroganga]

Aaagh having a problem with facebook and I don't know what to do. My blood uncle's wife's brother who is in his 60s, or possibly early 70s, friend requested me and I felt kind of obliged to confirm it. He has some mild learning difficulties and gives me the feeling he may be on the spectrum as well. He keeps confusing me for my dad (and uncle's) sister and he messages me all the time, even in the middle of the night. Nothing untoward, just talking about his dog and the weather but......I feel uncomfortable. Now if it was some random old guy I would just block him but because he is extended family I am not sure what to do. He gets really upset and worked up when people don't answer his messages so I feel obliged to converse with him. Advice please....

 

[tree]

Astroganga

You could have 2 or 3 stock responses and use those.
Maybe with a link to puppy photos.
---
You could mention it to your uncle/uncle's wife.
---
Do you mean he is trying to Chat with you in the middle of the night?
Or is he just posting?

 

[Astroganga]

Astroganga

You could have 2 or 3 stock responses and use those.
Maybe with a link to puppy photos.
---
You could mention it to your uncle/uncle's wife.
---
Do you mean he is trying to Chat with you in the middle of the night?
Or is he just posting?

He keeps trying to chat with me using fb messenger (a seperate app on my phone). There used to be the option to log out of messenger, but now there isn't and it is always on. I have thought about telling my uncle or his wife but they are not always the most tactful of people and I don't want them to upset him, so that would really be a last resort.

 

[tree]

Astroganga

If you can manage to think of him as a child,
or how you'd have felt when you were a child,
when you make minimal responses, maybe
that would work.

If he doesn't overdo the Chatting, that is.
You were thoughtful/kind/compassionate to
accept his request.

Now the trick is to manage the relationship
in a way that is comfortable for both you and him,
it seems.
-----
Always on?
So you get an audible alert every time?

 

[Astroganga]

Astroganga

If you can manage to think of him as a child,
or how you'd have felt when you were a child,
when you make minimal responses, maybe
that would work.

If he doesn't overdo the Chatting, that is.
You were thoughtful/kind/compassionate to
accept his request.

Now the trick is to manage the relationship
in a way that is comfortable for both you and him,
it seems.
-----
Always on?
So you get an audible alert every time?

Thank you for all the advice. Yes always get an audible alert (unless phone is on silent), though I managed to make it so I no longer get a pop up message, it just shows up on my drop down homepage notification menu along with the audio alert. I will try to think of it that way, he is like a child. I don't mind his posts at all, if they got annoying I could always unfollow but it is just the randomly timed messaging that is an issue.

 

[tree]

Astroganga

Maybe he'd be able to time the messaging more appropriately
if you set boundaries for him. Tell him when you can be available
to talk.

That way you'd be ready for it.
He'd have something to look forward to.
A framework would be good.

Those little 'bzzt bzzt' sounds can get really tiresome.
When you aren't exactly expecting them.

 

[Astroganga]

Thanks. He didn't bother me last night for the first time since accepting his request, maybe the novelty is wearing off or someone has told him not to message people so late.