Extremely confused. No idea where to begin.

[Waussie]

Hi there! If you can't tell, I'm new here. I wasn't planning to post but the more I do independent research on this the more confused I get!
I will add this for starters, I am in therapy and am on medication. A lot of the time I ask people for advice the default answer is "Therapy/Get on medication" and it's quite upsetting.
Anyway.
I've been recently wanting to get into the dating scene, but I've been told 5000 different things from people and I feel very, very overstimulated!
In the past, I've mostly had woman approach me first and initiate with me in relationships. My last one my ex was almost completely doing everything, which definitely caused issues for me as I am now extremely confused and conflicted.
I have problems with my body image, but I'm getting better as I am losing weight (currently lost 10 kg) and have thought back to how often I have had people gravitate towards me first rather then the other way around. I figure I can't look too bad in that case, right?
I want to begin dating, but I've really got no clue where to start. All the advice I'm getting is either conflicting as hell or downright confusing. For a long time I've been someone who prefers to be alone and after highschool that's what I've done. Only recently I've been wanting to get out and do things, but I'm also confused about this. I may make another post in relevant threads regarding to this, but wont get off topic.
I'm stuck between deciding whether I should try dating apps again or try to meet people through hobbies, although most of mine are closed off things I have been willing and wanting to try new things regardless for my own sake.
I also want to add, I seem to have an incredible fear of dating due to lack of aforementioned experience. I'm extremely afraid of intimacy of all kinds due to my lack of experience and have seemingly built up people to be extremely evil and cruel in my head. I feel like nobody will have the patience. I am going to be bringing this up with my therapist soon, however we are currently working on other aspects of my life and I do not want to cram too many things in at once.
So, the TLDR is I'm not sure where to start with dating. I'm very afraid due to my inexperience.

 

[Outdated]

I have never in my life chatted up a woman, it has always been them approaching me first, I never missed out on much though. I prefer women to approach me, at least I know they're interested in me.

As for your nervousness, that'll take care of itself and you'll be fine. Finish losing the weight and start hanging out in a few places where women will notice you, pub, sports club, etc. But don't go out looking for women, that turns them off, instead just go out and enjoy yourself, the rest will happen soon enough.

 

[vergil96]

Hello and welcome

I have problems with my body image, but I'm getting better as I am losing weight (currently lost 10 kg)

Congrats! That's a large achievement.

I'm stuck between deciding whether I should try dating apps again or try to meet people through hobbies,

I'd do both. Apps are easy. Or maybe other places online, I personally find apps exhausting, too many pointless interactions that end up nowhere

I also think the rest will take care of itself if you're confident in how you look and go out and see people (or meet them online)

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of folks here who can relate to your struggle. Dating is so difficult and confusing to me that I’ve never engaged in it. Found my relationships other ways somehow.

But it sounds like the thing that will really help you out at this point is working on that self-confidence. I hope you stick around here on the forum, I think we can probably help with that. It’s been hugely beneficial to my own self confidence to be here among so many people who simply understand me.

 

[Waussie]

Hello and welcome to the forum!

I’m pretty sure there will be a lot of folks here who can relate to your struggle. Dating is so difficult and confusing to me that I’ve never engaged in it. Found my relationships other ways somehow.

But it sounds like the thing that will really help you out at this point is working on that self-confidence. I hope you stick around here on the forum, I think we can probably help with that. It’s been hugely beneficial to my own self confidence to be here among so many people who simply understand me.

Yeah. I haven't had a lot of people who can understand me, especially being in australia. There has been a group that I've been looking at that host meetup's for people around my age once a month in person. It sounds pretty neat, so I think I'll have a look at that.

 

[Waussie]

Hello and welcome


Congrats! That's a large achievement.


I'd do both. Apps are easy. Or maybe other places online, I personally find apps exhausting, too many pointless interactions that end up nowhere

I also think the rest will take care of itself if you're confident in how you look and go out and see people (or meet them online)

I second this. I have been on apps, and although I definitely get matches or whatever they end up calling them on whatever specific app, I get waaayyy too nervous or overtalk. I've been working on the overtalking part but it still DEFINITELY slips out a lot.

 

[Waussie]

I have never in my life chatted up a woman, it has always been them approaching me first, I never missed out on much though. I prefer women to approach me, at least I know they're interested in me.

As for your nervousness, that'll take care of itself and you'll be fine. Finish losing the weight and start hanging out in a few places where women will notice you, pub, sports club, etc. But don't go out looking for women, that turns them off, instead just go out and enjoy yourself, the rest will happen soon enough.

yeah! I was thinking in the meantime that I do join a few social groups around my area in terms of making friends and stuff, but I'm definitely not doing so with the motive of finding people! sounds good! I will be hanging around on here. I'm glad to find people who second my thoughts here.
Dating is definitely a stressful process and I find myself very frequently comparing myself to my brothers who are not on the spectrum! They have had a much easier time with everything including that and it's very hard to not just try and follow what they do! It just doesn't really work with me!

 

[Outdated]

I'm glad you like it here, there's all sorts of people in here and we're all pretty friendly. I assume the username is short for West Aussie.

I'm probably the same age as your grandparents but I'm back on the dating scene again. It was a lot easier when I was your age. Nothing's changed though, if I don't start getting out and meeting people then I'll stay alone.

And stop comparing yourself to your brothers. Don't compare yourself to anyone else, just learning how to be yourself is going to be difficult enough. Good luck.