Explosive Anger Meltdowns

[Juliettaa]

I have disclosed the Asperger's to my wife's sister, and she has seen a glimpse of the "beast". I was having dinner with my wife, her sister and their aunt. In paying the bill my sister-in-law decided to review the gratuity/tip and proceeded to change the amount I was paying. That resulted in am unexpected mini-meltdown which I later apologized for. So it is possible that my wife will eventually come out of denial through discussions with her sister. I had a similar unexpected meltdown with a Barista at a local coffee joint where I was treated rudely. These are mini skirmishes, though my response was sudden and without thinking.

I am located in the U.S., by the way.

Are your 'meltdowns' a new/recent thing?

I'm not quite sure how I feel about you describing being upset (mini meltdown) about someone poking their nose in regarding how much to leave as a tip as a 'glimpse of the beast'

When you said mini meltdown, did you mean a verbal outburst at someone 'taking over' what was essentially your decision?

Autism isn't just about the negatives. We have positive traits too.

 

[GadAbout]

If you practice meditation regularly, you can learn to take a deep breath and become physically more relaxed almost instantaneously. I highly recommend learning and practicing meditation. When you suddenly find yourself in a conflict situation, you can take that deep breath and make a decision how (or whether) to act.

 

[Rasputin]

Are your 'meltdowns' a new/recent thing?

I have experienced three true meltdowns in 61 years. The first occurring in 1978 when I discovered my aunt had sold cattle belonging to my mother and kept the money. All I remember about that incident is hitting a large sycamore tree repeatedly with my fists to get the anger out. The second occurred on the job in 2013 in response to two individuals who were manipulating and setting up co-workers in my department to fail. After that incident one of the manipulators filed a hostile workplace complaint and I was reprimanded. I changed employment later that year and have been at my current job the past six years. The third was a few days ago, which I posted about.

These mimi-skirmishes as I described may just be that. I do not like it when people invade my privacy, are rude, are deceitful or manipulative, or if their actions may lead to the appearance by association of violating personal values or ethics. I tend to react negatively to any situation along these lines.

Regarding my emotional responses I would say I experience a limited range of emotions. Extreme Sadness when my best friend and my dog died. No emotion at all when my mother and father died. When I am happy I often do not show it and have difficult smiling when posing for photographs. I tend to be very serious and am unflappable when my mind is directed to things that interest me.

Obviously I am aware of positive traits. It is the negative uncontrollable traits that I am concerned about coping with.

 

[Juliettaa]

I have experienced three true meltdowns in 61 years. The first occurring in 1978 when I discovered my aunt had sold cattle belonging to my mother and kept the money. All I remember about that incident is hitting a large sycamore tree repeatedly with my fists to get the anger out. The second occurred on the job in 2013 in response to two individuals who were manipulating and setting up co-workers in my department to fail. After that incident one of the manipulators filed a hostile workplace complaint and I was reprimanded. I changed employment later that year and have been at my current job the past six years. The third was a few days ago, which I posted about.

These mimi-skirmishes as I described may just be that. I do not like it when people invade my privacy, are rude, are deceitful or manipulative, or if their actions may lead to the appearance by association of violating personal values or ethics. I tend to react negatively to any situation along these lines.

Regarding my emotional responses I would say I experience a limited range of emotions. Extreme Sadness when my best friend and my dog died. No emotion at all when my mother and father died. When I am happy I often do not show it and have difficult smiling when posing for photographs. I tend to be very serious and am unflappable when my mind is directed to things that interest me.

Obviously I am aware of positive traits. It is the negative uncontrollable traits that I am concerned about coping with.

Three meltdowns in 61 years - I'd say you're coping really well.

The min-skirmishes - perhaps those are the things you need to be working on. Responses to rudeness, manipulation, deceit - all things that come with everyday life for a lot of people, particularly in the workplace.

As suggested earlier, meditation can help. Or, counting to 5 before responding. Or, simply walking away and turning the negative event into something that will make you laugh as laughter is a great way to diffuse anger.

I do the counting in my head. I trained myself to do it. Another thing I do is answer people with a question. For example, the barista who you said was rude to you. I'd have asked him/her 'are you usually this rude or have you saved this behaviour just for me?'.

Cue red face. And not mine!

 

[Kalinychta]

This is an individual decision, and I support autistic people disclosing as well as not disclosing to an employer. Each person is different, and each workplace is different. There are many downsides to disclosing. I would NEVER tell a person what they "should" or "need to" do in these situations.

When it becomes a matter of either losing your job (or damaging your career) or telling your employer that you’re autistic and need accommodations, I definitely recommend the latter.

 

[All-Rounder]

I like music. I sing along to songs that remind me of an unpleasant event and sometimes add in gestures. Helps me cope and release anger

 

[Juliettaa]

When it becomes a matter of either losing your job (or damaging your career) or telling your employer that you’re autistic and need accommodations, I definitely recommend the latter.

That's an interesting point as two men in my workplace have been suspended this year due to 'public meltdowns'.

Both of them are autistic and both, because of their prior disclosure and 'reasonable adjustments' not being met, were not disciplined.

 

[Aspychata]

Just three is great actually. l get mini-meltdowns, there lies my problem area. I think we describe those people as quick-tempered. I try to let go of anger and l like to be relaxed. But if l feel disrespected or lied to, this has already started an internal dialogue in my self talk phase. Like why did they lie, l see right thru it. Now l ask myself why am l mad, lots of people lie,it's not my problem to get angry. So it's self talk that you ask yourself why this affected you, why are you angry? Is it a valid anger, does it solve anything being angry? And what do you need to do to feel whole again? Confront, ignore, exercise, treat yourself to something. Tell somebody, reward yourself for not responding, distract, journal. We have choices, but examine yourself is what l do now. Why did l respond, why did l feel insert feeling.

 

[GadAbout]

Things like Aspychata's suggestions immediately above or mine about meditation, seem too "pat" or simplistic to work - but they actually do. The thing is, though, it takes time and practice to develop these skills to the point where you can use them. A good therapist can help you with this process, providing you are specific that it's what you want to work on in therapy. If you don't state that, you can go down an endless rabbit-hole. I recommend setting treatment goals yourself.

Good luck!

 

[Rasputin]

Just three is great actually. l get mini-meltdowns, there lies my problem area. I think we describe those people as quick-tempered. I try to let go of anger and l like to be relaxed. But if l feel disrespected or lied to, this has already started an internal dialogue in my self talk phase. Like why did they lie, l see right thru it. Now l ask myself why am l mad, lots of people lie,it's not my problem to get angry. So it's self talk that you ask yourself why this affected you, why are you angry? Is it a valid anger, does it solve anything being angry? And what do you need to do to feel whole again? Confront, ignore, exercise, treat yourself to something. Tell somebody, reward yourself for not responding, distract, journal. We have choices, but examine yourself is what l do now. Why did l respond, why did l feel insert feeling.

Good suggestions! Thank you!

 

[Rasputin]

Things like Aspychata's suggestions immediately above or mine about meditation, seem too "pat" or simplistic to work - but they actually do. The thing is, though, it takes time and practice to develop these skills to the point where you can use them. A good therapist can help you with this process, providing you are specific that it's what you want to work on in therapy. If you don't state that, you can go down an endless rabbit-hole. I recommend setting treatment goals yourself.

Good luck!

Also good suggestions! Thank you!

 

[Rasputin]

Three meltdowns in 61 years - I'd say you're coping really well.

The min-skirmishes - perhaps those are the things you need to be working on. Responses to rudeness, manipulation, deceit - all things that come with everyday life for a lot of people, particularly in the workplace.

As suggested earlier, meditation can help. Or, counting to 5 before responding. Or, simply walking away and turning the negative event into something that will make you laugh as laughter is a great way to diffuse anger.

I do the counting in my head. I trained myself to do it. Another thing I do is answer people with a question. For example, the barista who you said was rude to you. I'd have asked him/her 'are you usually this rude or have you saved this behaviour just for me?'.

Cue red face. And not mine!

Great suggestions! Thought your barista example was very good.

 

[Rasputin]

I was wondering if anyone knew of any research articles or other resources that address coping mechanisms to avoid explosive meltdowns. It does not happen often, thankfully, but when it does it happens suddenly, with great intensity, and is generally uncontrollable. Most recently it was triggered by a breach of trust, loss of confidentiality and apparent collusion between two individuals that could have implicated me had I not become be aware of what was going on. My immediate response was to withdraw, but then this individual drew me into a meeting with someone in a position of authority. Then the individual who breached the trust commented he had a problem with me. I immediately experienced explosive, uncontrolled rage, and now will have to deal with the resulting fallout.

I have seen other adult aspies have more frequent, but less intense meltdowns. With me I always see things in black and white terms, and if my integrity is questioned or if my trust was violated all hell breaks loose.

I have not been formally diagnosed, but am 100% certain that I have Aspergers based on discussions I have had on this forum. I somehow made it to age 61like this, but for some reason it is becoming more difficult to mask as I get older.

Since discussing this topic I feel more relaxed. Having this forum to discuss things openly is helpful, just in knowing others deal with the same issues.

 

[Juliettaa]

Since discussing this topic I feel more relaxed. Having this forum to discuss things openly is helpful, just in knowing others deal with the same issues.

Good to read.

I was going to post another tip - one of my favourites, which may not go down well with some, but when people really 'do my head in' I usually find the following works well.

Said in full with a smile on my face ..........

ODFOD

 

[Varzar]

Good to read.

I was going to post another tip - one of my favourites, which may not go down well with some, but when people really 'do my head in' I usually find the following works well.

Said in full with a smile on my face ..........

ODFOD

So, I googled ODFOD, and the first link that I clicked on defined it as "One Drive Files On Demand".
I'm totally going to yell that at someone the next time I get angry..

P.S. I did find the meaning you meant as well....

 

[Juliettaa]

So, I googled ODFOD, and the first link that I clicked on defined it as "One Drive Files On Demand".
I'm totally going to yell that at someone the next time I get angry..

P.S. I did find the meaning you meant as well....

It'd be hilarious to shout that out when you're close to breaking point.

 

[DocBee]

I had horrible meltdowns until put on medication. It has been amazing. I still have all my communication deficits (working on them!) but it is such a relief not to have one of those events triggered. They were devastating and was one of the reasons I sought help.

 

[Kalinychta]

I had horrible meltdowns until put on medication. It has been amazing. I still have all my communication deficits (working on them!) but it is such a relief not to have one of those events triggered. They were devastating and was one of the reasons I sought help.

I’ve never had a meltdown before, but I’ve read about them and seen them in movies with autistic characters, so I’m very glad medication is working for you! It must be so traumatic to experience them.

 

[DocBee]

The aftermath is the worst. The impact on my relationships, my colleagues. My last meltdown was it for me. It was either get help or end it. I am so grateful I found a psychiatrist who specialized in ASD.

 

[Kalinychta]

The aftermath is the worst. The impact on my relationships, my colleagues. My last meltdown was it for me. It was either get help or end it. I am so grateful I found a psychiatrist who specialized in ASD.

I can’t even imagine. I’ve noticed that a lot of people on the forum don’t know what a meltdown is. They think it’s just extreme anxiety, stress, maybe crying. It’s not. You completely and totally lose all emotional control.

May I ask what yours are like, specifically? There really isn’t too much info online about meltdowns in autistic adults. It’s mostly all about kids. I mean specifically about how adults deal with them and such.