Does anyone else absolutely hate going out to eat? To me, it's like the worst idea ever. For whatever reason, most of the people that I know are obsessed with restaurants. It's your birthday? We must go to dinner. They don't seem to take no for an answer, and it just overwhelms me. A lot of times, I'll tell them that I'll get back to them hoping that this will be the end of it. Sure enough, 3 days later, they'll be bugging me again. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but so many times, I just want to be left alone. I know they mean well, but I feel like I'm surrounded by relentless people.
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Everyone I Know Always Wants to Go To Dinner - And They Don't Take No for an Answer
- Thread starter cai24
- Start date
If you say "no" sooner and firmer they tend to stop being as persistent. But that takes practice. I often say it with a tone so it's abrupt, but also slightly comical. Most places I've worked often found it funny how antisocial I was outside of work.
My ex asked me yesterday if I was doing anything "exciting for the weekend". To which I replied - you lived with me for 5 years, what do you think? We both found that hilarious.
Restaurants can be quite intense - lost of people, lots of noise, smells etc. Sometimes background noise can be deafening. I'm not a fan of sensory overload, but my last gf liked going out to eat. So I powered on through the discomfort and the early months of crippling anxiety, aches, pains and feeling like I was going to pass out.
I guess it was exposure therapy. I can tolerate them better now, but I'd rather not do that. I tend to comfort eat, and a restaurant is not a comfortable place to eat. I tend to eat fast, but I eat even faster when I'm out. Just so it can be over with quicker.
"Savour the flavour, Edward."
No thanks. Can I just have the cheque please?
Ed
My ex asked me yesterday if I was doing anything "exciting for the weekend". To which I replied - you lived with me for 5 years, what do you think? We both found that hilarious.
Restaurants can be quite intense - lost of people, lots of noise, smells etc. Sometimes background noise can be deafening. I'm not a fan of sensory overload, but my last gf liked going out to eat. So I powered on through the discomfort and the early months of crippling anxiety, aches, pains and feeling like I was going to pass out.
I guess it was exposure therapy. I can tolerate them better now, but I'd rather not do that. I tend to comfort eat, and a restaurant is not a comfortable place to eat. I tend to eat fast, but I eat even faster when I'm out. Just so it can be over with quicker.
"Savour the flavour, Edward."
No thanks. Can I just have the cheque please?
Ed
I'm ok with restaurants if we can sit outside, of the music is kept down and isn't too intrusive, or if it isn't too crowded. I have never enjoyed being in crowded, noisy restaurants - not my idea of fun.
I find the social aspect difficult. I can't follow conversations, can't join in, can't hear over background noise, can't shut out the noise of the other diners. I'm cut off, just sit there saying nothing and it's all a bit pointless. I get bored/restless and then want to get up and wander round or go home early. I'm known for getting up from the table and going outside for a walk for half an hour or so - it's one of my quirks.
It took me a long time to cotton on that it's not the restaurant or the food that's actually important to people, but the socialising. The restuarant just provides a setting for that.
I find the social aspect difficult. I can't follow conversations, can't join in, can't hear over background noise, can't shut out the noise of the other diners. I'm cut off, just sit there saying nothing and it's all a bit pointless. I get bored/restless and then want to get up and wander round or go home early. I'm known for getting up from the table and going outside for a walk for half an hour or so - it's one of my quirks.
It took me a long time to cotton on that it's not the restaurant or the food that's actually important to people, but the socialising. The restuarant just provides a setting for that.
I hate noisy restaurants, and so avoid those. But I like to cook, and do not mind dining with my small group of friends. Sometimes we experience the delightful. Once, near Christmas a few of us were X-C Skiing near Grand Marais, MN, and dined at Naniboujou Lodge where carols were sung between each course of a good meal. I look at dining out as a pressure free social occasion. And who knows what new tastes I will encounter to get me interested in cooking.
I don’t mind meeting family for dinner maybe once or twice in a year. The problem is they want to meet every couple weeks for no reason. That would overwhelm me, so I generally opt out of meeting.
Neither my husband or myself like crowded, noisy restaurants. We choose to eat at off hours like 2 p.m. and, sitting oitside is always preferable.
But to echo @Raggamuffin, turning folks down firmly, politely and with a little humor will probably work. Maybe "Have I ever accepted before?" (big smile) or "Keep asking mate, maybe I will one day. But not today.".
But to echo @Raggamuffin, turning folks down firmly, politely and with a little humor will probably work. Maybe "Have I ever accepted before?" (big smile) or "Keep asking mate, maybe I will one day. But not today.".
It’s strange in general that when people get together, especially in larger groups, they feel like they have to eat. Why??
Au Naturel
Au Naturel
Why not say, Yes - but only if I pick the restaurant. You'll need to scout around to find a quiet place but quiet places with subdued lighting are out there. Knowing a place you can go to without sensory overload will be a big asset for you in the future.
Just say no... and then keep saying no. Seriously. That's all there is to it.
And explain WHY. Directly and bluntly.
And then FORCE that to be the end of it. They dont like it? Well, bloody tough, you already explained it to them, maybe they should have listened.
Generally this is how I dealt with the issue (as everyone around me also is obsessed with going out to eat. Something I personally have now not done in at least 7 or 8 years.)
And explain WHY. Directly and bluntly.
And then FORCE that to be the end of it. They dont like it? Well, bloody tough, you already explained it to them, maybe they should have listened.
Generally this is how I dealt with the issue (as everyone around me also is obsessed with going out to eat. Something I personally have now not done in at least 7 or 8 years.)
This is a very good idea. I really like restaurants that have dim lighting and booths. The bright ones where everyone is out in the open at tables are horrifying.
Default "common interest" perhaps? Everyone needs to eat (except that breathearian guy..).
Ha! I’ve just always found something strangely undignified about it, like it reminds me of a bunch of horses at a trough.
LOL. I gave into pressure long ago but I still can't look at others while they eat!
Haha I know! Eating seems like something that should be done in private.
Which is why at a group meal I won't eat ribs. Too messy.
But then I once had a wild time at a crab house in Baltimore. Newspaper on the tables and they dump a bucket of crabs in front of you and hand you a mallet. Eating ribs is dainty by comparison.
My aspie daughter would stay in the bathroom for so long that if it had been another kid we would have thought she had been kidnapped
.I went through most of my life not understanding why a hated noisy restaurants and similar situations while many people have no problem with them. So I can enjoy a restaurant with the right sensory environment and hate a noisy, crowded place. I just won't return to restaurants I have had a sensory problem with, but then there are always new ones that I might end up in
.When I was single, I remember one particularly bad experience with a noisy restaurant. I had a blind date, and I picked a restaurant for it that I hadn't been to. I think it was one my brother had recommended (he is not ASD). It was terribly crowded and noisy. It just made a challenging situation impossible. And neither one of us suggested getting out of there.
Yeah, this is pretty much what I told my family years ago: "Look, for me, food time is not social time. I cant grasp why in the world any of you see it in any other way" and then that was just the end of it, I just refused to go to restaurants after that. They never were able to give me a solid reason as to why it's so social to them either.
Besides, I'd rather watch Youtube or something while eating, instead of having to sit there and listen to A: stupid gossip, or B: even stupider political talk.
I personally love eating at restaurants. I’d dine out several days a week if I could afford it.
But since that’s not the case for you: In case you weren’t doing so already, rather than just declining, explain that you really don’t enjoy the experience of dining out. Maybe suggest an alternative activity instead?
But since that’s not the case for you: In case you weren’t doing so already, rather than just declining, explain that you really don’t enjoy the experience of dining out. Maybe suggest an alternative activity instead?
I almost wonder if it’s a form of stimming for non-autistic people. It’s like, no one can just sit there and talk. We always have to be doing something.
