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Emotions from learning you're on the spectrum

Yeah. I've always hated myself and felt like a defect until I learned I could have autism. I mean, if my mother tried to get me tested so many times as a child, and I had soany autistic traits listed, he should be able to diagnose me with autism. Why wouldn't he?
 
I post things from 3 different tablets, 2 PCs and a phone, and the autocorrect acts differently on them all :D
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
It'll probably be the end of October or the Beginning of November when they calle back for follow-up and maybe results. I hope I'm just autistic and not the defective mistake I think I am.. (Ignore any grammatical or spelling errors; that's just my stupid typos and auto correction. I'm typing on a phone, so it's easier to make typos and grammatical errors.) If I do get diagnosed as autistic, I could finally learn to stop hating myself, and I would have a good explanation to why I'm always asking for help in class (I'm in college). I'm not just going to walk up to them and say that I'm autistic. No. If they ask or get irritated when I ask questions, I could just say "Well, I'm sorry, I'm autistic. I'm not gonna get it right away like everyone else." At least, I would have a good reason I can't understand stuff instead of just being dumb like I think I am.
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Remember in school i was only one to ask questions in entire class when something was not clear, everyone else did not want to look stupid (or whatever reason they had) and then after teacher took a step back and try to explain material over then half of the class including straight A-grade students started asking her more questions to clear things up.
Point is if no one else asks it does not mean they understand they might not want to stand out.
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
Yeah. I've always hated myself and felt like a defect until I learned I could have autism. I mean, if my mother tried to get me tested so many times as a child, and I had soany autistic traits listed, he should be able to diagnose me with autism. Why wouldn't he?
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Not to destroy your dream of being normal, but if you think about autistic is an defect. Its made popular "Aspie thing and all" because plenty of people have it, but it dont change the facts.
 
OrdinaryCitizen said:
Not to destroy your dream of being normal, but if you think about autistic is an defect. Its made popular "Aspie thing and all" because plenty of people have it, but it dont change the facts.
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No, that's not what I'm saying! I'm saying that if I'm NOT autistic, then I'm am a defect. If i am autistic, then I'm not a defect. I never said autism was a defect.

Autism=I'm not a Defect
Not Autistic But With the Same Problems=I am a Defect

I'm hoping I am autistic and not just a defect. Because if I have those problems for no reason, and I'm not autistic, then I could just be a defective or not made right. That's what I'm saying. If I do have autism, then maybe I'm not a defect. I never said I dreamed of being normal. I do dream of not having sensitive hearing and depression, but other than that, I said I was okay with being autistic. Also, I haven't been here for even a year, just a few months. I learned about autism in May, and I believe I joined in June or July, so it's only been 2-3 months passed.
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
No, that's not what I'm saying! I'm saying that if I'm NOT autistic, then I'm am a defect. If i am autistic, then I'm not a defect. I never said autism was a defect.

Autism=I'm not a Defect
Not Autistic But With the Same Problems=I am a Defect

I'm hoping I am autistic and not just a defect. Because if I have those problems for no reason, and I'm not autistic, then I could just be a defective or not made right. That's what I'm saying. If I do have autism, then maybe I'm not a defect. I never said I dreamed of being normal. I do dream of not having sensitive hearing and depression, but other than that, I said I was okay with being autistic. Also, I haven't been here for even a year, just a few months. I learned about autism in May, and I believe I joined in June or July, so it's only been 2-3 months passed.
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I think @OrdinaryCitizen is trying to say that autism IS the defect.
I know autism makes us different than neurotypicals because our brain is physically developed differently. You can look at that as a defect or you can look at it as an explanation for all our questions over the years. And unlike, schizophrenia, sociopaths, etc, there's no medications to control the thought processes. We're more like the elf that wanted to be a dentist in the original Rudolph. He learned he wasn't a defect either. :)
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
I never said autism was a defect.
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I do say that autism IS a defect to many NTs out there they dont care they just want to label you.

Being different is not a problem, problem comes from the way we think about ourselves trying to be what we are not because its considered bad to be different.

I know the feeling of being half-normal and half-crazy, half-pretty and half-ugly its been all my life i am on the edge between two worlds and being uncertain where i belong, is more pain than just choosing a side and going from there, i care less what people call me, i just want to have piece with myself not constant disappointment...
 
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Oh.. Well at least I will have a good reason why I am the way I am if I do get diagnosed with autism. One that proves to me that I'm not a mistake and a loser who just doesn't know anything about the real world. It would explain my sensory needs to chew, my sensitive hearing, and my acute sense of smell. I tend to smell odors and other things before other people, and they don't even notice the smells. I'm like a spoiled food detector for the fridge at home. xD
 
According to what i've seen on Doscovery channel there's some people who have taste receptors on their feet so they can taste the smell their sweaty stinky socks all day long, i am saying it we could have been way worse than what autism does to us. Cheer up lol
 
One of the things I've learned in life is that everyone is "defective" in one way or another. Even the NTs that some of us wish we could be. The good news is that, knowing what you are & where your weaknesses are, you can take a more active role in determining how to overcome this. Sensory issues are a tough one, & I have that to a minor extent too. But things like social skills can potentially be learned or improved on (I'm doing that right now), depression can be combated with meds or therapy (again, something I'm working on right now). But I think one of the things that you or anyone on the spectrum should keep in mind is that we are much more than just the autism, or whatever other disorders you might have. I believe my autism has given me gifts of intelligence, ability to deeply focus, & a drive to learn, both in general as well as specific things very deeply. Yes there are downsides. But that doesn't make me, or you, a loser. I've been there & I get it. I know how it feels. I know how it can feel to feel broken. I do occasionally still. But you have a choice to see the positives in you (& I'm sure there are a few!) & know that you are a valued person worthy of existence. I have to remind myself that occasionally too.
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
No, that's not what I'm saying! I'm saying that if I'm NOT autistic, then I'm am a defect. If i am autistic, then I'm not a defect. I never said autism was a defect.

Autism=I'm not a Defect
Not Autistic But With the Same Problems=I am a Defect

I'm hoping I am autistic and not just a defect. Because if I have those problems for no reason, and I'm not autistic, then I could just be a defective or not made right. That's what I'm saying. If I do have autism, then maybe I'm not a defect. I never said I dreamed of being normal. I do dream of not having sensitive hearing and depression, but other than that, I said I was okay with being autistic. Also, I haven't been here for even a year, just a few months. I learned about autism in May, and I believe I joined in June or July, so it's only been 2-3 months passed.
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This is the way I felt about my diagnosis too, and the reason why it was such a relief to be diagnosed!
 
Pats said:
- why do these phones do this??? I write an everyday word and it'll change it to a non word, and I won't notice until I've sent it and doing my re-reading it thing. lol
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You do of course know that on the majority of phones you can turn predictive text off right?
 
Predictive text or autocorrect is really important for me when texting or writing on my phone! My fingers are too fat and/or stubby to type correctly otherwise...
 
I NEVER use predictive text. It drives me mad. It's supposed to be convenient and aid spelling, but it doesn't get it right and makes even more mistakes than normal typing would. Ironic really. I rarely use my phone for texting or for the internet because the screen and keypad are just too small. I take care over my writing and spelling, and posting text full of typos or spelling mistakes is not acceptable to me.
 
I was also dx'd late in life, as they say.
Like the dx itself,
my response to
this identity-transformative
travels the spectrum of emotions,
context guidance,
denial,
grace,
acceptance....

I am still in process.

I understand better
where I've been now.

I respect
the human brain
and its resources.

I'm not sure
where I'm going,
but travel
with a better
global position satellite.

This take
away is a constant.
 
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