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emotional unload

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piggybank

New Member
Hello, so i have made a post here a few months ago and id like to share my feelings.
I am freakishly smart, any one who meets me is surprised by my wisdom but only if I am pushing myself to talk.

I feels like its hard for me to say hello to people who are not close to me, for example my neighbors or uni class mates that are not really close to me. what happens is that we are making eye contact which already makes me uncomfortable and I cant say anything, which makes them say "hello" or "how are you" and I am replying weirdly most of the times.

Does any one else here struggle with the same problem ?
It's like greeting people is hard for me.

I got lots more of other problems, maybe its connected to them I don't really know.
Iv'e been volunteering with kids who got special needs and I am really connected to them because I understand how they are feeling. It made me feel good and saying to them hello is much easier for me.

Can you relate to this subject? do you feel the same ?
I'd love to hear you people :)
 
Yes, I do experience this. I don't seem to have a social instinct like other people do, and don't naturally want to approach people to talk to them. I need to have a reason to approach people to talk to them and I only approach people and say hi when I have something to discuss with them, I need to ask them something or I need to communicate with them for some reason. Otherwise, I keep myself to myself. That means that people might think that I'm not very friendly or aloof or perhaps just shy, but that's just the way I am. I'm not very good at small talk either, which is another reason for me not to engage.
 
Progster said:
Yes, I do experience this. I don't seem to have a social instinct like other people do, and don't naturally want to approach people to talk to them. I need to have a reason to approach people to talk to them and I only approach people and say hi when I have something to discuss with them, I need to ask them something or I need to communicate with them for some reason. Otherwise, I keep myself to myself. That means that people might think that I'm not very friendly or aloof or perhaps just shy, but that's just the way I am. I'm not very good at small talk either, which is another reason for me not to engage.
Click to expand...
Agree 100%
 
I am I believe extremely polite. I HAVE to acknowledge people ie hello, but deep inside, I am cringing and as soon as I see someone, sometimes I will start fidgetting, so that my head is down and pretend I have not seen them.

When I know someone, but do particularly like them, I will pretend I have not seen them.

I suppose I am full of pretence, because I appear genuine, but many times it is hard to be really that way.
 
I used to remind myself, and now it is just second nature, that other people are lonely and have struggles too and that maybe a simple "hello" from me (or anyone) will make their day.
I don't worry about making eye contact, it isn't that important in my opinion, and worrying about it just causes more anxiety.
 
I don't like approaching people in case I've got it wrong and we're not at a point where we would say hello to each other. I feel like I can't judge when it's acceptable and in what contexts, even though I do basically understand the social rules from watching others. I'm also worried about annoying people, or that if I say hello, small talk will follow. Or I won't be sure if small talk SHOULD follow. Am I committing myself to a conversation if I greet someone?

I guess greeting seems like a small thing, but it's actually full of nuance so it's hard.
 
I confuse even myself. I think I must look friendlier than I am. Well, I'm friendly, but just don't want to talk to people that I don't know well. I hate small talk, but on the other hand, I hate even more when a stranger just comes up and tells me their life story. And that seems to happen to me a lot which is why I said I must look friendlier than I am. And then there are times that I may be the one to strike up a conversation with a stranger and spend a good 10 minutes talking about dishes and cups, or be in an elevator with a stranger and ask if they've ever seen the movie "Speed". But I need to know I have the freedom to walk away when I'm done. I don't like greetings because it feels like conversation might follow. I think it's more - if I have something to say I say it, if not, I don't want to feel obligated to HAVE to say something.

When I think about it - why is greetings so important?
 
If I'm "trapped" with another person, like in an elevator or waiting in line, etc. I have a compulsion to say HI. Not because I want to talk but just to get a sense of their mood. This comes from needing to read someone's mood in order to adjust my mood for survival.
It isn't necessary to read anyone's mood, it's just an old old habit and it helps me to relax.
I don't know if that makes sense, but sometimes people may be afraid of you and just want to know you are OK. We aren't the only ones out in the world struggling with anxieties.
 
It is SUCH a relief being a senior citizen now. I can smile pleasantly at everyone and if I have forgotten their name, or even if I know them, everyone just chalks it up to senility. What a load off my mind!
 
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