Emotional disconnection to pet - to keep or surrender

[tducey]

It's your decision to get a dog of course but not sure I would have got 1 so soon after your last 1 died. Ours are getting older and we love them both but I don't think we'd get 1 so soon after they both pass away.

 

[Gracey]

@Lula1989

Your thoughtfulness, honesty and compassion shines through your post, for me.

You're considering what's best for Nova given the things you prefer and feel you can and can't tolerate.
(are you certain you're emotionally disconnected from her? )

She'll never be Lucy. Lucy's gone. (and I am sorry to read that)
Must have been a bit of a shock to discover how poorly Lucy was.
(Dogs just keep on going till the end don't they? No complaints, few clues)

May I ask why you think you worry about Nova?
- being left?
letting her join you when she scratches at the door?

Ultimately there's only you and your husband can make the decision to surrender Nova or not.
(When the dog pays the bills, it can have a democratic vote)

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for both Nova and yourselves.

 

[GadAbout]

A dog owner whose dog has separation issues may wish to hire a dog walker, to come when the family are away (at work, etc.).

 

[paloftoon]

There are a few options you might be able to consider.
Hire a dog trainer if you aren't able to do so yourself. Expensive, but nothing can replace peace of mind either.
Another option which I've heard of but are not too familiar with is to do something where you can "semi-adopt" an animal where it lives at a shelter or such, but you can visit that animal during certain hours each day and you can support that animal monetarily. I don't know what places do this, but I've heard there is such a thing. This seems to be more what you're looking for. I don't know if you'd be able to give up this dog now that you already own it. You might be able to "sell" your dog on the condition that you could support it and visit it with the family that buys it from you. Just throwing some ideas out there.

 

[Misery]

Just as a quick note: giving up a dog is usually very bad for the dog.

Some dogs do not survive the process of being disconnected from their family. And I mean that LITERALLY. As in, they genuinely end up dead. This is something that alot of shelters and such end up having to deal with. It's not a matter of "oh the shelter doesnt want to deal with them" (though obviously that can happen too).

A dog that has been "given up" has a chance of ending up so mentally and emotionally destroyed by the destruction of that bond that they never, ever recover.... and usually, the bit that follows is euthanasia... as a form of mercy. The effect can be the same even if the place they are sent to is not a traditional "shelter". It takes ALOT of work to bring a dog back from that particular brink, and *most* people (including people that work at shelters or places that breed/sell dogs) dont know how to do that. And yes, "returning them" to the store counts as a disconnect, once the bond has been formed in the dog's mind (how long that takes differs from one dog to the next). The dog doesnt know the difference. The dog only knows that they are unwanted by the people they considered to be their family. And that's every dog's worst fear. The chance of all this happening is drastically increased if they had already been through such a seperation before in their life.

I've seen what some of these dogs are like, once they've entered that state. I consider it the single worst thing I've ever laid eyes on. Period. Ugh, I'm getting that nasty tingling-on-my-back feeling just thinking about it. It's one of the reasons why I'm such a misanthrope.

Frankly, if anyone I knew was going to be doing something like that to their pet, I'd A: buy the pet from them myself, and B: never talk to them again, no matter how close we had been before that.

And before someone says it: Yes, I'm fully aware that not all dogs get utterly wrecked when this happens. Plenty do survive the transition. Lots of people take pets from shelters and give them loving homes, after all. However, even those that get through it mostly intact are almost guaranteed to have trust and behavior issues for the rest of their lives, no matter what training is done. They're also more likely to be generally paranoid. Speaking from experience here. *Alot* of it.


This is why I always, ALWAYS tell people: Do NOT adopt a dog until you are absolutely 4000% sure that not only are you ready for the dog NOW, but that you always will be.


I realize that this all sounds horribly blunt and negative, but this is one of the rare topics that I will never, EVER sugarcoat for anyone.

That's all I'm going to say about it, I wont discuss this further (and thus, wont be watching the thread or posting again in it). I dont normally step completely away from topics on this forum once I've posted, but I'm making an exception this time.

And with that, I bid you all a good day. Or at least a moderately non-sucky day.