Kayla55
Well-Known Member
This is actually a small book I want to write but lately havoc has just got to me. Firstly I don't think shrinks who not themselves on spectrum could ever really understand and if combine this with aba it would just be ignorant crime. So I decided to chat online with others to see what you think, if anyone else is open to share their pain. Etc.
Everytime I want to write my old wounds are opened up and my amnesia starts to flood with memories and my feelings seem to get lost. But to start, we should never hit children, I was hit as a child on spectrum and it shut down my defense's, it made me more shy and took away my already limited ability to express myself , if not verbal even through actions. I want people to realise how damaging this is and to try decide if time to help children. One of ways my parents hit me was over knuckles with wooden spoon.....now girls do not stimm as boys do, but sometimes I think we use our hands to try process feelings.
My depression is really bad at moment, I was hoping to connect with others who had trauma and maybe even publish a book together.
I struggle to talk about my feelings, I'm fine on facts and figures. Does childhood abuse make it just so much harder for me as in invalidation or is this just a typical red flag.
Then is my memory loss this bad due to suppressed trauma or can social stress also do this as in alexithymia and catatonia is it worsened then?
Lastly does trauma prevent us from feeling free and being happy as in neurotypical people in survival mode or is it really worse to abuse disabled people.
This is just start of my opening up for first time in my life. Many speak of bullies and ABA as ruining quality of life.
I heard and researched actually many many autistics who were abused and I'm waiting for responses.
This was a brief description, I searched and never found details, I'm now in my 40s and only now I've learnt to discuss this on a forum, probably never to a therapist.
One day I felt so numb, but something was stirring under surface, laying on my bed I began to trace patterns with my finger onto the wall. I craved love and never seem to find this amongst shallow people, I struggle to find N believe in love.
For years I had forgotten so many years but it took one memory to trigger another and another, it was overwhelming.
Let me know
Kayla
Everytime I want to write my old wounds are opened up and my amnesia starts to flood with memories and my feelings seem to get lost. But to start, we should never hit children, I was hit as a child on spectrum and it shut down my defense's, it made me more shy and took away my already limited ability to express myself , if not verbal even through actions. I want people to realise how damaging this is and to try decide if time to help children. One of ways my parents hit me was over knuckles with wooden spoon.....now girls do not stimm as boys do, but sometimes I think we use our hands to try process feelings.
My depression is really bad at moment, I was hoping to connect with others who had trauma and maybe even publish a book together.
I struggle to talk about my feelings, I'm fine on facts and figures. Does childhood abuse make it just so much harder for me as in invalidation or is this just a typical red flag.
Then is my memory loss this bad due to suppressed trauma or can social stress also do this as in alexithymia and catatonia is it worsened then?
Lastly does trauma prevent us from feeling free and being happy as in neurotypical people in survival mode or is it really worse to abuse disabled people.
This is just start of my opening up for first time in my life. Many speak of bullies and ABA as ruining quality of life.
I heard and researched actually many many autistics who were abused and I'm waiting for responses.
This was a brief description, I searched and never found details, I'm now in my 40s and only now I've learnt to discuss this on a forum, probably never to a therapist.
One day I felt so numb, but something was stirring under surface, laying on my bed I began to trace patterns with my finger onto the wall. I craved love and never seem to find this amongst shallow people, I struggle to find N believe in love.
For years I had forgotten so many years but it took one memory to trigger another and another, it was overwhelming.
Let me know
Kayla