On*the*edge
Son with Aspergers
Hi everyone. I'm new here and feeling kinda awkward. My son, 14, refuses to accept Aspergers. He doesn't want to know about it. Refuses to talk about it. All he hears is SPECIAL as in IEP. RETARD when he here's autism. He is in the evaluation process now. Diagnosed around 9 or 10 as ADHD and mood disorder unspecified. No ADHD Meds have worked. He has many symptoms that are typical with Aspergers. Rigid thinking. Very literal and concrete. Doesn't understand most humor but this has improved with age. Poor social skills. Always dominated play time with his interests and how he wanted to enjoy them. Still does. Friends would quickly get bored and leave. He can be very pushy when seeking friends. Repeated attemps to get them to hang out, until they give in. And then you may not see them for weeks or months. None stay around for long. He will obsess on having friends, then suddenly turn off and not want to be around anyone. Conversations are typically one sided on current subject he is obsessed with such as Star Wars or mind craft and other video games. His obsessions change. He also obsesses on situations like going shopping with his grandmother and what toy should he pick so he won't irritate her by being indesicive and taking to long. (Weeks on that one) No speech symptoms other than very articulate at early age. About 2. And loud. Does not understand concept of inside voice. Especially when excited. Doesn't understand personal space. Can't seem to gauge others emotions. Tends to think they are kidding when they aren't or angry and insulting (teachers) when they haven't been. Immature social behavior. In middle school some kids even accused him of being gay. He has been bullyed for many years. He has been called gay and faggot so many times he is starting to obsess on the possibility that he is. In a nutshell, many obsessive thoughts. Very clumsy. Tried sports but decided, due to much teasing and abuse, that he just sucks at that kind of stuff. Obsessed over his inability to learn to ride a bike. He was 8 when he finally mastered it. Ahhh many, many, meltdowns over that. Did I mention meltdowns? He was born having a meltdown! These could be confusing to me. They weren't so much temper tantrums but overwhelmed with emotion that he could not do something perfect. Immediately! Reading for example. He just could not understand why he was unable to just open book and begin. Teacher would spend time alone with him when she taught reading because of the frequent meltdowns. Since adolescence, he has begun to show more anger. No violence. Very affectionate and loving but had to be taught about hurting others feelings. No tics, noises, or body movements. No unusual sensitively to sounds, textures or tastes. Anxiety and worrying since he was little. He just started with full blown panic atacks. Has missed many school days already. He is currently taking buspar and visteril when needed. Had problems with buttons and snaps. Still can't tie his shoes. Still weak on telling time. He is at a fifth grade level in math. Reads okay but has comprehension problems. Difficult for him to find needed information from written words when doing schoolwork. He has an odd way of reading out loud. It's like he doesn't understand inflection, tone and sentence structure, like commas or periods. He has 504 but I feel he needs more than that. I am currently pushing for this. He has a hard time dealing with any modifications. He doesn't want to be seen as different or " a retard" I have tried different approaches on explaining his differences but he is very stubborn. Even his therapist can't get him it listen. He is very frustrated and angry about "not being NORMAL". How can I get through to him. I have tried strengths and weaknesses. Not working. I've tried acceptance of who he is and compensating and adapting to succeed in life. ( he is convinced he will grow up to be something horrible or a complete failure) I am desperate for him to understand himself so he can grow with WHO he is, not fighting against it as if it will just go away. Is it to late? Has the damage to his self esteem from peers and teachers gone to deep? I have been seeking help for him for many years. Some of that has done more damage then good. At times he is convinced he will end up in a mental hospital for the rest of his life. I'm afraid I will. Has any of you been through this as a parent or an aspie? Any advice would be welcomed with open arms and heart!
Wendy On*The*Edge
Wendy On*The*Edge