Down the Autism Rabbit Hole

[OkRad]

Someone asked me to elaborate on this so here it is

OK, before I was tampered with by the NTs I had this ability that I think I share with LFA. I share a lot of traits with LFA, more than HFA but because I can talk I am HFA.

At any rate, I would go into this "place" like falling into a long tube. Think "Being John Malkovich" where they are peering into that tube and then BOOM it CLARIFIES!!!

I would get stressed or something and then close my eyes or hear a song and then start to tingle. It could be disassociation but I am aware. Maybe too aware.

There is not always a "prodromal" stage. The thing is that it is saving my life. I don't know why they ever tried to take that from me.

I was hounded for YEARS to be social, pushed into it by therapists over and over and lost that skill. Once in a while it would still hit if I were REALLY stressed like once when I was getting beaten up bad and stuck living with a severe abuser.

That is when it started again.

After my accident, it all came back. I can be in the store and all the items and shelves seem different.

I don't think it is psychosis. I am not seeing things or hearing voices. It's more like I am stoned but in a way that makes things feel VERY different, like I don't exist or if I do, it's only as part of the entire picture that I see.

Maybe it's not autism. Am I crazy?

 

[Mia]

I would get stressed or something and then close my eyes or hear a song and then start to tingle. It could be disassociation but I am aware. Maybe too aware.

I get that at times, usually when I'm in a place with lots of noise and lights and people. It's a bit like the description of cognitive dissonance:

In psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time; performs an action that is contradictory to their beliefs, ideas, or values; or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas or values.[1][2]

Leon Festinger's theory of cognitive dissonance focuses on how humans strive for internal consistency. An individual who experiences inconsistency tends to become psychologically uncomfortable, and is motivated to try to reduce this dissonance, as well as actively avoid situations and information likely to increase it.​

So I think what happens at least to me, is that I dissociate to cope and go into a kind of fugue state. That sounds a bit like what happens to you. It can happen to me anywhere, but it's usually associated with a stressful or noisy situation.

Don't think you are crazy okrad, I think of a lot of those instances where it happens as something to do with ptsd.

 

[biblophile]

I can fall in to a similar state. It is like a kind of hyper awareness. Every thing takes on a kind strange reality.

 

[Oleg Steptoe]

It sounds like my hyper-vigilence and dissociation. It reminds me of my PTSD symptoms. A blanking out mostly yet an odd center of clarity. It can feel "psychotic" in its otherworldliness. Not fun at all.

 

[biblophile]

I like the disassociated state sometimes, it depended on where I am when it happens.