Don't know where to begin...

[Pascha2017]

Hi everyone,
My name is Pascha and I feel I may have aspergers syndrome. I've thought this for many years and reading up on it lately I really have strong beliefs that it could be a true diagnosis. I've never seen a doctor, psychologist or anything over it. I'm honestly really nervous about the start of doing that. I don't know what to expect.
My story begins when I was about four years old and I went to a friend's birthday party. What I remember clearly are my parents coming to get me. Going to my friends parents and them saying she didn't interact with anyone...She stayed by herself, quiet the whole time she was here. I didn't know anything was wrong. My parents just thought I was severely shy.
As years went by...It all got worse and worse. I feel sad majority of the time, I get angry quite easily... Sensitivity to scents and sounds...Yea that too.
But my fear of interacting with others is the biggest thing. I've never had a lot of friends. Maybe two close friends at the most at a time. Meeting new people freaks me out. Going to social gatherings with my boyfriend and his family...Freaks me out. I'm always the quiet one. Scared to even say hi. I'm scared to open my mouth first. Scared to strike up conversation. I can hardly ever hold a true conversation.
I've always been stuck behind a computer screen. It's so easy for me to type away for someone to read. I don't feel any judgment or anxiety when it comes to texting or communicating on a forum like this. Also, I've noticed if I'm drunk...Off alcohol. It's real easy for me to talk to people. But once it wears off I'm scared again. It don't matter if you're the same person I was talking to while drunk. Instantly, I'm suffering from anxiety it seems to even speak to that same person.
It hurts me and it hurt my relationship also with my boyfriend. He's sad that I hardly talk to him, hardly ever express my emotions, hardly ever empathetic with his needs or wants. But I just don't know what else to do or where to start? I want to be diagnosed like really diagnosed. I know it takes time and I want to give my time. I'm 30 years old and I don't want to live the rest of my life thinking that I suffer from it. I want to know for sure.

 

[JackSkellington]

Hello, welcome to the site! I can relate to a bit of what you said. I'm a bit shy too and I haven't had many close friends at once.

From what I know about alcohol- it makes people more truthful but is also a bad thing to keep doing. It feels like an escape from reality and it makes for awkward/weird situations once it wears off. Many people manage being drunk just fine- but many don't. From what you typed- it seems like a bad thing more than good for you. Perhaps you will never be a more talkative person without being drunk- but that's not a big deal really. Everyone is who they are and many great people are quiet people. If everyone was the same.. life would be pretty dull in my view.

I'm not sure what you have in your area- but perhaps find a good therapist or a good support group if possible? I think one of the first steps you need is a diagnosis from a professional, then go from there. It seems so rough but this site (and other ones I suppose as well) can help out.

I hope all this makes sense.. I'm not always great with words. I wish you lots of luck! There is plenty of great people on this site that can listen and help you out!

 

[Lady Penelope]

I'm 35 and just reading about high functioning aspergers too. I have not been diagnosed either but feel the shoe fits. I read that we are more sensitive to alcohol and that it blocks the social reasoning function in our brain. This will result in lowering our inhibitions so we appear 'normal' and more sociable. It also has the effect of blocking our social reasoning, possibly putting us in vulnerable positions. It's not the ideal way to handle social situations...

Forums like this are good for background info and links to further reading and support services.

Perhaps you could get a diagnosis for your piece of mind and see what assistance is available in your area.

I don't think you should feel compelled to tell anyone if you do obtain a diagnosis unless it is in your favour.

It might help for you to post your thoughts and questions on the forum and get feedback...might clear up your thoughts and give you some perspective.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[Streetwise]

yeah almost certain its Aspergers and social anxiety disorder
alcohol is more toxic than in the 18century and before there is a preservative in modern alcohol which is poisonous to humans
the diagnosis is fine just lots of questions if you can take friends and family as they can inform about earlier years
also school reports
i was informed after just over an hour i had Aspergers think im borderline just say
after that they try to help with speaking with your gp ,md
but in the UK its expensive if you want more therapy
it could help if you went to see a psychologist

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[Pascha2017]

Thank you everyone. I'm definitely going to start my journey real soon with getting attention on a psychological perspective. But this is honestly the first time I've ever spoken about this to anyone and people actually understand what I'm going through. And it makes me so happy. I thank y'all and I thank this forum so much.

 

[JackSkellington]

You are welcome.