doing things by yourself

[epath13]

I was just wondering did anyone hesitated doing things by themselves in childhood. Like for instance, brushing your teeth, tying your shoes, eating by yourself...things like that. Or did you want to be independent and maybe even had an opposite issue: thought you could do something really well while in fact you couldn't?

 

[tree]

I don't remember trying to be independent. I do remember that my mother continued to tend to me in the bathroom until I was in the first grade. Also she brushed my hair for me until I was 14 years old. I fed myself in a normal way, but there was a year when my father always seemed to be yelling at me for spilling my glass at the table (when I was 8). I got a girl at school to teach me how to tie my shoes when I was 11------to be fair about that, I wasn't really all that inept or clumsy. I had only buckle shoes until then and didn't know about tying.

 

[GHA]

I don't remember trying to be independent. I do remember that my mother continued to tend to me in the bathroom until I was in the first grade. Also she brushed my hair for me until I was 14 years old. I fed myself in a normal way, but there was a year when my father always seemed to be yelling at me for spilling my glass at the table (when I was 8). I got a girl at school to teach me how to tie my shoes when I was 11------to be fair about that, I wasn't really all that inept or clumsy. I had only buckle shoes until then and didn't know about tying.

My son could not tie his shoes,he never brushed his teeth,his eating etiquette we not very good, he would spill his food all over the table and his cloths.He lacked behind in studies. Me and my wife were hard on him and forced to do all those things. The blessing was that we were not aware that he had Aspergers. Now when I look back,I thank God that I did not know he had Aspergers. We treated him like all our other children. He learned to adapt to his challenges and now live an independent life. Its only now that I know he has challenges, I have become more protective for him.

 

[oscar2012]

And so you should GHA you guys sound amazing parents

 

[GHA]

And so you should GHA you guys sound amazing parents

My son wrote this passage many years ago. I could never understand then, today I can relate to it:

If I am an illusion, be my mirror so I feel beautiful. If I am elusive, be my salvation so i feel purified. If I am dribbling droplet, be my ocean so that I drown in bliss of newer rise. If I am dirt of a barren desert, be my sunrise so I feel glorified.

 

[epath13]

Nice poem (@GHA)
I've started loosing interest to AC, so I haven't shown up for quite some time on the website, but now I'm in a procrastinating mode again checking out some posts. I've completely forgot about this thread actually.....

when I look at my kids now, I wonder why they don't want to do things more independently like myself at that age. I strived for independence, I didn't always receive appropriate advice how to archive it but I wanted it badly. I wanted to do things by myself and I wanted to learn to like it... But then again, my kids are not me, they have their own unique qualities and will have to learn about life in their own way... And... Maybe it's not such a bad thing.... That they don't have such a strong desire for indepencence yet... I ran away twice at age 4 and 5 because I was bored, wanted to have an adventure and was convinced I could walk around and explore all by myself... Which was true... In a way... The only problem was that I didn't think about my parents and their feelings that much now I could imagine what they were going through...

 

[Val2]

When I was a kid I wasn't independent or striving for it. It took forever for my mom to wean me off of bath time to showering by myself. I never brushed my teeth and I never ate alone until middle school (I was starving when I got home from school so that forced me to eat by myself). I had my mom and my friends mom brush my hair and put it in a pony tail until I was 10ish. My mom said I also had trouble with potty training and also weaning off of the bottle.

 

[Neat Hedgehog]

I have always taken the approach to doing things by myself. I didn't like asking for help until I at least figured out how to do it by myself and did it once. The way I saw (and see) it, I can't rely on people always being there to help, so I have to be able to do it myself in case I have to. I was even always somewhat uneasy riding in a car as a child because I knew I couldn't drive it in the event that the driver became incapacitated.

Same sort of reason why I will not borrow things, because if I need something once, odds are I will need it again so I may as well get one for myself.

 

[Aalo]

Me too. I remember having a strong feeling that my brothers or mother weren't thorough enough and wanted to ensure myself that important things were done properly, or at leas that I'd learn to someday do that. I have no idea how it's like trying to look helpless and be served. I've also tried to learn so many useless things just to see if I'm able - and soon after forgot about them.

 

[MoCoffee]

I am the eldest of five children and had to be independent really early. Unfortunately, there were quite a few things I should have been taught and wasn't. Since I was so oblivious to the world around me, I would only learn these lessons when someone rubbed my face in it. No wonder I have Social Anxiety Disorder!

 

[Christy]

I can be extremely stubborn and want to do things my own way, however that is only because I have thought through all the options and see no other more efficient way to get the outcome I want. Tell me another way that I see merit in, and I will very happily adapt.

Please, please, please don't ask me to have any social interaction that I am unfamiliar with by myself. It has taken me years since leaving home to be comfortable to go shopping. I hate interacting with people to organise things around my home, I need to change my Internet provider but have already delayed this by 6+ months. I have been like this my whole life.

I know as a kid people tried to teach me but I was oblivious to it until I realised for myself what I was meant to do. I don't think this was because I needed someone with me. I remember at some point my mum realised I hadn't washed my hair in probably weeks, I had been bathing though. It was her reaction that made me realise it was something I should have thought of myself. After that I incorporated it into my routine and it never was a problem again.

 

[Nestmc]

I do not thing I'm independent, but I try to do things by myself. I have some photos that help me to do stuff like brushing my teethes and I can tie my shoes very slowly, my mom always brush my hair, and I'm 14. Sometimes I need supervision, but usually I can do the daily stuff by myself.

 

[GHA]

I do not thing I'm independent, but I try to do things by myself. I have some photos that help me to do stuff like brushing my teethes and I can tie my shoes very slowly, my mom always brush my hair, and I'm 14. Sometimes I need supervision, but usually I can do the daily stuff by myself.

Thats very good. Keep at it and you will soon be independent..