Does the void want me back?

[Markness]

I was born prematurely which is probably what made me develop AS in the first place. From what my mother has told me, she had complications in her pregnancy and I wasn’t expected to live. I had to be incubated after birth and had some surgeries to remove hernias from my body.
I think it was a week before my mother was given the ok to take me home.

I think about death constantly and I’ve read it’s common for people with depression to think about it. However, I sometimes wonder if there could be something more to it than just simply depressed thinking. Could the void want me back? I apparently wasn’t supposed to live and the fact I’ve failed to achieve anything successful in my life makes me wonder if I am not meant to exist but to go back to nonexistence.

 

[Aspychata]

Some cultures believe we are destined to struggle and that is our lot in life. It's how we handle our struggles and rise above. You can continue with a defeatist attitude or you can switch to a kick ass attitude. The choice is yours.

 

[UberScout]

Just before I was delivered, the cord had become wrapped around my neck. I went into distress for about 5 minutes before I was Released.

I guess I really am lucky to be alive at all...

 

[wight]

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. ~Friedrich Nietzsche.

I get what you are saying, but one must be very careful about such things and choices. You are only 30-something, lots of time left to do something.

 

[GadAbout]

Mark, these kinds of dark thoughts may feel familiar, but they are going to kill you if you keep up like this. So just don't allow yourself to go there - okay?

 

[Fino]

So you believe there's some sentient being judging your worth and deciding whether or not to murder you based on superficial aspects of your performance in life? If you're going to believe in something fantastical, might as well choose something hopeful and believe in Jesus.

 

[Aspychata]

The void thought it wanted me, but then spit me back out. More like upchucked. Adios Void. Never look back again.

 

[Wolfsage]

There is a purpose for you. Just as their is for everyone here on this site and every man, woman, and child who ever has and will exist. My friend has an interesting thought on this. He said. "What if the opposite is true? That everything we do throughout life has a purpose behind it."

 

[SusanLR]

What do we know of the purpose of it all anyway?
Some think we choose to be born.
Some think we are reincarnated for reasons from previous times.
Others think we are holograms from some universal computer.
Some say a universal consciousness wanted to create. This would be closer to my belief.
But, we have different ideas on why or what we describe as that consciousness. Most call it God.

So I feel like a small boat that is floating down a river.
No idea where I came from, why I'm floating on the river, or
where the river is going.

 

[Deepthought]

Could the void want me back? I apparently wasn’t supposed to live and the fact I’ve failed to achieve anything successful in my life makes me wonder if I am not meant to exist but to go back to nonexistence.

No the void or non existence does not want you back as there is no void or state of non existence to desire anything ~ which firstly you cannot return to as it does not exist, and secondly there is only an absolute effulgence of creative energy that is infinitely manifest ~ which energetically no one ever leaves or ever loses their relationship with!

Think about it ~ the first law of 'thermodynamics' or 'energy conservation' states that, "the total energy of an isolated system is constant; energy can be transformed from one form to another, but can be neither created nor destroyed."

As such you are energy and your body is matter ~ energy integrates and matter disintegrates.

As then a particulate or orb of the absolute effulgence of creative energy that is infinitely manifest within your physical self ~ give up being blagged out of identifying with it and embodying it, otherwise you will keep negating even that which you are most equipped to do ~ i.e., being you!

Don't keep falling for the blag of supposedly having to be otherwise and elsewhere than you actually are, which in the here and now sense diminishes the facilitation and affirmation of your mysterious individuality ~ as a wonderful and creative human being.

Start from and persevere with being a wonderful and creative human being ~ and your energetic integration will be increasingly more fulfilling involving that theme, rather than the one involving molecular disintegration!

Stop fooling yourself or anyone else that you are not a wonderful and creative human being, and instead sparkle and shine as you actually mysteriously are @Markness!

I.e. A young god, and stop playing so hard to get!
.

 

[SusanLR]

@Deepthought
I like your explanation on energy and no void.
This post was on my mind today and I was thinking how there is no void,
because everything is something. Even if there were a void.

I find your post interesting:

As then a particulate or orb of the absolute effulgence of creative energy that is infinitely manifest within your physical self

Is this what you mean by orb?
It is an area of quite a bit of study currently.

 

[Deepthought]

@Deepthought
I like your explanation on energy and no void.
This post was on my mind today and I was thinking how there is no void,
because everything is something. Even if there were a void.

Very diplomatically inclusive. Nicely put.

I find your post interesting:

As then a particulate or orb of the absolute effulgence of creative energy that is infinitely manifest within your physical self

Is this what you mean by orb?
It is an area of quite a bit of study currently.
View attachment 65645

Not directly as I was using a bit of comparative morphology in terms of describing the spiritual and physical forms, but yes orbs in that sense are certainly relevant as energetic/conscious beings, definitely.