aldisneygirl91
Member
Hi! I'm new here, and unsure of whether I'm on the spectrum. I know no one can actually diagnose me here, but I was just wondering what people thought. I'm a 27-year-old female and have just always felt like something about me is a little "off", but couldn't put my finger on it for a long time.
I do have friends, and can form fairly normal relationships with people, but I just feel like I'm socially immature and do have a hard time relating to others. I also tend to get overly attached to certain people, while with others, I just can't seem to relate to them or feel that attached. While I do care about my family members and don't wish for anything bad to happen to them, I'm honestly just not that emotionally attached to them. I don't feel like it's very easy for me to make friends, but I have pretty much always managed to have 2 or 3 close friends who I really connect with and who were able to gain my trust. I've really never initiated friendships with others. I just go along with it if someone else shows interest in being my friend.
I stim a lot, but I have enough control over it to not do anything too noticeable in public/around others. When I am alone, I flick my fingers together constantly, especially when I'm reading or engaging in one of my interests. I also stim by grinding my teeth and clanking them together all the time.
I had kind of extreme meltdowns as a very young child (1-2 years old), sometimes to where I would self-harm, but pretty much once I turned 3, I didn't do that anymore and was a calm, easygoing, and well-behaved kid for the most part. I was extremely shy and was almost a selective mute up until I was about 8 and came out of my shell a little. I pretty much would never speak to people other than my family and friends unless they asked me a question that required more than nodding/shaking my head. I also had a lot of trouble showing emotion around people other than my family. I refused to cry at school or in any other place where I was around people who weren't family members. I would never let anyone know if I was upset.
I've always gotten pretty fixated on certain things/topics, and can memorize an unusual amount of information about something I'm interested in. As a kid, I was interested in a lot of typical "girl" things (like ballet and American Girl dolls), but the interest was maybe just more intense than a lot of kids.' I also had some more odd ones, like weather forecasts (I could sit at the computer for hours just looking up the forecasts of random cities) and restaurant menus (I actually memorized the menu of almost every restaurant within about 20 miles from my home when I was a teenager). I also tend to watch the same movies and listen to the same songs over and over again.
I usually don't have severe or debilitating sensory issues. But I am quite sensitive to bright light and have to wear shades to the dentist because I can't tolerate that overhead light. Strong smells can make me gag and give me a headache. I was very afraid of sudden loud noises as a child. As an adult, I mostly just hate loud noises that are sudden or have a start-and-stop nature. Some noises that people make (mostly loud and constant coughing/throat clearing) actually make me very angry/upset and can cause me to have a bit of a meltdown (not in front of the person, but I'll go somewhere else if possible and let out the rage). I have a hard time shopping for clothes, because I'm picky about how they feel, and I definitely dress for comfort and don't worry about looks as much as many women seem to.
I also struggle with motor skills, particularly fine ones. I think my gross ones improved a bit from taking gymnastics and dance lessons as a kid. I just can't seem to do anything complex with my hands. I struggle with simple things, like unlocking doors, opening boxes and envelopes, using bottle openers, etc. I was awful at ball sports and struggled in P.E. as a kid.
I've also never really found it natural to wave, smile at or make eye contact with people, say hi, or respond to questions like "what's up?" I have trouble using the right tone/pitch when I'm talking to people. I'm also usually the last to understand a joke, and tend to take things literally when someone is joking or being sarcastic. I often don't seem to pick up on subtle social cues. Like I may not realize when someone is interested in me, or someone might talk about how there was tension between some people earlier and I won't have even realized that there was any "tension" to begin with. Social situations make me anxious, and I feel like it's definitely getting in the way of me succeeding and finding a suitable job/career. I'll often try to "rehearse" when I know a big social interaction is coming up, and even though I'll try to plan what I'm going to do and say, it often doesn't come out the way I wanted it to. I have difficulty asking for help, and often just don't know how to communicate or expain what I need help with. I remember as a kid, I often spent a lot of my time daydreaming and creating imaginary friends/scenarios (but still interacted with people in the real world if I had to). I liked to read, and I'd often pretend that I was in one of my favorite books, and pretend that I was the main character and that the people around me in the real world were other characters from the book. Even as an adult, I still have imaginary friends, and dream worlds in my head that I like to slip into.
Another concern is that I've always seemed to have poor executive functioning skills. I struggle so much with time management, planning, and organization. I'm also very bad with directions, to the point where I can't walk or drive anywhere unfamiliar without a GPS, and even with that, I struggle. I have a driver's license and am fine in familiar places, but I avoid driving in places I'm unfamiliar with, or on large highways that require a lot of merging into traffic (my spacial awareness is quite poor, and it's even worse at nighttime when it's dark).
And also, I have taken some of the online tests. I scored a 34 out of 50 on the AQ test (scores of 32 and above apparently indicate that ASD is likely). On the other test, my neurodiverse score was 122/200, while my neurotypical score was 97/200 and it said "you seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits."
I do have friends, and can form fairly normal relationships with people, but I just feel like I'm socially immature and do have a hard time relating to others. I also tend to get overly attached to certain people, while with others, I just can't seem to relate to them or feel that attached. While I do care about my family members and don't wish for anything bad to happen to them, I'm honestly just not that emotionally attached to them. I don't feel like it's very easy for me to make friends, but I have pretty much always managed to have 2 or 3 close friends who I really connect with and who were able to gain my trust. I've really never initiated friendships with others. I just go along with it if someone else shows interest in being my friend.
I stim a lot, but I have enough control over it to not do anything too noticeable in public/around others. When I am alone, I flick my fingers together constantly, especially when I'm reading or engaging in one of my interests. I also stim by grinding my teeth and clanking them together all the time.
I had kind of extreme meltdowns as a very young child (1-2 years old), sometimes to where I would self-harm, but pretty much once I turned 3, I didn't do that anymore and was a calm, easygoing, and well-behaved kid for the most part. I was extremely shy and was almost a selective mute up until I was about 8 and came out of my shell a little. I pretty much would never speak to people other than my family and friends unless they asked me a question that required more than nodding/shaking my head. I also had a lot of trouble showing emotion around people other than my family. I refused to cry at school or in any other place where I was around people who weren't family members. I would never let anyone know if I was upset.
I've always gotten pretty fixated on certain things/topics, and can memorize an unusual amount of information about something I'm interested in. As a kid, I was interested in a lot of typical "girl" things (like ballet and American Girl dolls), but the interest was maybe just more intense than a lot of kids.' I also had some more odd ones, like weather forecasts (I could sit at the computer for hours just looking up the forecasts of random cities) and restaurant menus (I actually memorized the menu of almost every restaurant within about 20 miles from my home when I was a teenager). I also tend to watch the same movies and listen to the same songs over and over again.
I usually don't have severe or debilitating sensory issues. But I am quite sensitive to bright light and have to wear shades to the dentist because I can't tolerate that overhead light. Strong smells can make me gag and give me a headache. I was very afraid of sudden loud noises as a child. As an adult, I mostly just hate loud noises that are sudden or have a start-and-stop nature. Some noises that people make (mostly loud and constant coughing/throat clearing) actually make me very angry/upset and can cause me to have a bit of a meltdown (not in front of the person, but I'll go somewhere else if possible and let out the rage). I have a hard time shopping for clothes, because I'm picky about how they feel, and I definitely dress for comfort and don't worry about looks as much as many women seem to.
I also struggle with motor skills, particularly fine ones. I think my gross ones improved a bit from taking gymnastics and dance lessons as a kid. I just can't seem to do anything complex with my hands. I struggle with simple things, like unlocking doors, opening boxes and envelopes, using bottle openers, etc. I was awful at ball sports and struggled in P.E. as a kid.
I've also never really found it natural to wave, smile at or make eye contact with people, say hi, or respond to questions like "what's up?" I have trouble using the right tone/pitch when I'm talking to people. I'm also usually the last to understand a joke, and tend to take things literally when someone is joking or being sarcastic. I often don't seem to pick up on subtle social cues. Like I may not realize when someone is interested in me, or someone might talk about how there was tension between some people earlier and I won't have even realized that there was any "tension" to begin with. Social situations make me anxious, and I feel like it's definitely getting in the way of me succeeding and finding a suitable job/career. I'll often try to "rehearse" when I know a big social interaction is coming up, and even though I'll try to plan what I'm going to do and say, it often doesn't come out the way I wanted it to. I have difficulty asking for help, and often just don't know how to communicate or expain what I need help with. I remember as a kid, I often spent a lot of my time daydreaming and creating imaginary friends/scenarios (but still interacted with people in the real world if I had to). I liked to read, and I'd often pretend that I was in one of my favorite books, and pretend that I was the main character and that the people around me in the real world were other characters from the book. Even as an adult, I still have imaginary friends, and dream worlds in my head that I like to slip into.
Another concern is that I've always seemed to have poor executive functioning skills. I struggle so much with time management, planning, and organization. I'm also very bad with directions, to the point where I can't walk or drive anywhere unfamiliar without a GPS, and even with that, I struggle. I have a driver's license and am fine in familiar places, but I avoid driving in places I'm unfamiliar with, or on large highways that require a lot of merging into traffic (my spacial awareness is quite poor, and it's even worse at nighttime when it's dark).
And also, I have taken some of the online tests. I scored a 34 out of 50 on the AQ test (scores of 32 and above apparently indicate that ASD is likely). On the other test, my neurodiverse score was 122/200, while my neurotypical score was 97/200 and it said "you seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits."
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