Do your masks have names?

[DogwoodTree]

We've talked about using masks when in different situations...like wearing different changes of clothes. I've always resisted naming them, but I'm hoping to get a better handle on my "options", so to speak. Do yours have different names, or other describing-words that you use to refer to them? ...like, "bubbly social butterfly" and "esteem-ed nerd" or just "work mask" and "family mask"?

...or maybe I'm just really a weirdo. That's entirely possible, even likely.

 

[Tom]

We've talked about using masks when in different situations...like wearing different changes of clothes. I've always resisted naming them, but I'm hoping to get a better handle on my "options", so to speak. Do yours have different names, or other describing-words that you use to refer to them? ...like, "bubbly social butterfly" and "esteem-ed nerd" or just "work mask" and "family mask"?

...or maybe I'm just really a weirdo. That's entirely possible, even likely.

Well first, you are going to have to do a lot better then that to be considered weird in this company.

But I like the question. Masks are a big part of HFA living and we don't have proper Mask Lore.

And to answer the question, it is yes I think so But being primarily a visual thinker the name is not the first thought that comes and may not come at all at times. I usually think of them in a tangible sense and visualize puttiing up a mask in front of my face and then a picture of the masks theme usually crosses my mind. But the name will follow and is kind of the period/punctuation mark of the thought.

But ever since Bionicle came out it is always the first thing that appears to my mind when the subject of masks comes up. Something like the opening credits.



The masks I used most and had names are:

Athlete
Surfer
Soldier
Parent
Vet

 

[On the Inside]

It has been a few years since I stopped trying to wear "masks", I have just become the Aspie guy (in my head). I was simply alternating between exhausted and frantic trying to keep up. I didn't know then that I was wearing masks, or being someone else during certain situations. I can't say that I had names for them, but they were definitely characters, as if I was acting, because that is what I was doing.

I am slowly getting to know the real me, noticing situations where I might have behaved in a manner that was not natural for me, and noticing how I feel.

Can I be at peace when I wish to be quiet, but all the signals are telling me I should be talking?

Can I be comfortable standing at the shore looking out across the water when everyone else is hanging out around the fire?

Is it all right for me to go all day at work without talking to anyone?

There have been times when I was able to do those things and be at peace, looking back, those were the times I felt the most "Me". Maybe that person is a weirdo.

 

[JuniperBug]

I was JUST thinking this, when I responded to Harrison.

I'm thinking really hard and I suppose my main personal masks that I currently juggle are like this:

Energetic Teacher (with I'm with children) - In love with children, silly, youthful, observant, bright and mentally strong
Happy Foreigner ( When I'm interacting with locals ) - humble, laughs at the language barrier, subservient and polite
Loyal Friend (when I'm trying to make or keep friendships) - extremely kind and considerate, active listener, giving, flexible
Sweet Partner (for my significant other) - Verbally affectionate, touchy-feel-y, needy/receiver, thankful and sweet

My 'true' personality is a mix of all of these but less extreme, with a heavy dose of candor and a good measure of social anxiety. Also, of course, gravitation towards routine, alone time, and my own personal interests.

 

[Asperganoid]

I had a mask named Zak Gaulin. after a wrestler with one leg. thought the name was brilliant. it started out innocent enough. being zak, was being the funny guy who enjoyed chatting and hanging out.

and then people liked me a lot, and then i lost myself in the zak mask. years! without my self-identity. being a lie. it caught up with me in end.

and now i'm left with under developed personality which is taking ages to grow.

I didn't know why i liked certain movie; now i know i'm into history. so i'm catching up with a lot of geeking up on that subject including linguistics and an odd obsession with the Italian typography/orthography, etc.

so many stunted "abilities" come to life again once you burn the mask. the aspie-senses feel like powers to me; my favorite music taking on a new dimension, movies and books too.

the mask haunts me at times; because it meant nothing. those people liked someone who didn't exist, and i made friends who wouldn't give the actual me the time of day.

but it was worth it. I can something with my life now. the flesh has been stripped and here i am; in all my aspergian might! Asperganoid 1.0

P.S: it was all online but very intimate nonetheless. years! sigh, all those people. so weird this aspie-self.
P.S.S: It's great being your aspie-self.

 

[AsheSkyler]

At one point, four of them did have names. Loosely based on the four elements, and amusingly two were male and two were female. What each became to be known under different names, I developed them further to be characters in a story I was working on at the time so they'd get to stretch their legs and not feel a need to get fresh air directly through me. The fifth one, energy, was me at the core that the four came from. Nobody gets to meet that one, they always meet one of the four or a mixture of them.

 

[Harrison]

My masks tend to be abilities, or groups of abilities, that I use to function. So they have names related to what they 'do'. I do, however, have a couple of full blown personality masks that have names.

 

[Suzanne]

No, because it has only been since joining this site, that I discovered I wear masks and to be honest, I am not particularly proud to wear masks, but the way this world is, I see I have no choice. But the latest huge negativity for me is seeing that if I can pretend, why can't others and now, I have began to be suspicious of how people are. Are they truly being them? Is what he or she said to me, really what they think? And so forth.

 

[Progster]

At work I wear my teacher mask, otherwise I'm 'just' myself

 

[Gingerlass27]

My different masks/personas was one of the things that led onto my ASD assessment.

I was on an inpatient programme after some nasty things happened to me & caused what I guess people call a breakdown.

It was picked up there how I would dress & act very differently depending on mood/emotion. I'd never really realised to what extent I did it before but did work with the psychologist there around it.

He did give the different masks names. I can't remember them now. Haven't thought about it much until reading the post by Dogwood Tree. I will dig out my notes from my time there & have a look.

 

[DogwoodTree]

and then people liked me a lot, and then i lost myself in the zak mask. years! without my self-identity. being a lie. it caught up with me in end.

the mask haunts me at times; because it meant nothing. those people liked someone who didn't exist, and i made friends who wouldn't give the actual me the time of day.

This resonates a lot in my world.

so many stunted "abilities" come to life again once you burn the mask.

But some of the masks' abilities are useful, too...like, being able to carry a conversation. Like you said, it's not the "real me", so there's no connection for me in the sense of feeling like the person knows me. But I am able to accomplish tasks that way that are useful and that promote some of my goals.

I've never been an "either-or" kind of person...I always look for the "both" option. I guess that's what I'm trying to do here, is find a way to use the masks when it's beneficial, but also have the option to be the real me with people that I trust. So far, that part has not been possible...it's buried too deep to where I don't even know who I am yet.

So they have names related to what they 'do'. I do, however, have a couple of full blown personality masks that have names.

So this starts getting at why I've been resistant to naming them. My mother had (has?) DID...at the time she was dx'd, it was called Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). It's been very important to me during my whole adult life so far to try to be an integrated person...integrity...to be the same person with one set of people that I am with others, and to be the most functional version of myself in doing that. Problem is, to meet the demands of so many different people, I've completely lost myself behind these masks. No one knows me.

So with those mask personas, do you feel like you're presenting an alternate, fabricated person to others? Or does it still feel like you? Do you feel "known"...loved...when you're being a different personality? How can people know you if it's a fabricated version of you? Do you feel like you lose continuity by using these masks?

 

[JuniperBug]

At one point, four of them did have names. Loosely based on the four elements, and amusingly two were male and two were female. What each became to be known under different names, I developed them further to be characters in a story I was working on at the time so they'd get to stretch their legs and not feel a need to get fresh air directly through me. The fifth one, energy, was me at the core that the four came from. Nobody gets to meet that one, they always meet one of the four or a mixture of them.

This is very interesting and cool! I'd like to read your story.

 

[DogwoodTree]

My different masks/personas was one of the things that led onto my ASD assessment.

It was picked up there how I would dress & act very differently depending on mood/emotion. I'd never really realised to what extent I did it before but did work with the psychologist there around it.

This is very interesting to me...I'm curious about what kind of work was done. My T uses IFS (internal family systems), so for him, each person--even "normal" healthy people--have different "parts" inside that contribute to the whole in different ways.

He did give the different masks names. I can't remember them now.

This, in my mind, is what separates this phenomenon from DID. I don't naturally have real names for my masks...I'm only trying to name them now in order to understand them better, and be able to incorporate them in a healthier way.

 

[Harrison]

So with those mask personas, do you feel like you're presenting an alternate, fabricated person to others?

Not really, they were designed to help me with my work so they simply 'amplify' certain skills I already have. In the arena I worked in very few people, NTs included, put forth their true personality. What they needed from me was data, the personality presenting it wasn't important to the grand scheme.

Or does it still feel like you?

For me it feels like the true me, the one beneath the aspie mask.

Do you feel "known"...loved...when you're being a different personality?

As I said above, it was/is for work only. In my private life I don't use masks. I tried it way back when but it just messed everything up. Now people get the real me and those that can't handle it just move on.

How can people know you if it's a fabricated version of you?

I've never had any desire for people outside of my personal arena to understand me.

Do you feel like you lose continuity by using these masks?

I've never noticed any issues with them.

 

[Gingerlass27]

Yes I thought when he first broached it he was intimating something like DID but he wasn't. And like you, I never felt they were split identities, more a coping mechanism I suppose.

 

[Judge]

Yes- I also agree that it's just a coping mechanism and nothing more. When I don't feel a need for any king of social mask, you get me as I am...for better or for worse. Masking myself to get along with others has always remained a stressful process. Not something I do if I don't really have to.

It's not a process I really want to give names- or adjectives to. In all honesty I've never felt comfortable with having to do this.

Probably why I once passed on a job opportunity which would have inevitably involved this as "part of the job" but on a much more intensive and serious scale. However I suspect my traits and behaviors may have also kept me from actually being formally hired given a rigorous screening process. Odd to think that I was doing all this while not having a clue I was on the spectrum. Too bad it took this amount of time to begin to unravel it all...

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Interesting thread, especially since I just came from the mythology thread Adora just started. Along the "Hero with a Thousand Faces" idea I'd try to fit pieces of the personas to myself or to a situation I was in. That tended to lend itself to exploring the idea of tragedy: character attribute meets situation that tests and breaks it, leading to "Oh, I am this strong, but not that strong."

the mask haunts me at times; because it meant nothing. those people liked someone who didn't exist, and i made friends who wouldn't give the actual me the time of day.

but it was worth it. I can something with my life now.

I would have said that some years ago. What I find now, speaking for myself, is that the lack of people who will befriend me costs me not only friends but opportunities to do things with my life. I am reconsidering the mask issue.

My masks tend to be abilities, or groups of abilities, that I use to function. So they have names related to what they 'do'.

I still have a couple of these sleeping giants, and they wake when the situation invokes them. Some situations catalyze them into energizing the aspergic me, and then I might as well be the prophet, or the Fairy Ambassador who speaks truth whether he will or no--which brings him to disaster. Neil Gaiman wrote a series about this one.

 

[Harrison]

I still have a couple of these sleeping giants, and they wake when the situation invokes them. Some situations catalyze them into energizing the aspergic me, and then I might as well be the prophet, or the Fairy Ambassador who speaks truth whether he will or no--which brings him to disaster. Neil Gaiman wrote a series about this one.

It is better to speak your truth, even in the fires of opposition, than to be slaved to another's ignorance.

 

[SignOfLazarus]

I don't think I have masks, really.
I tend to relate myself to animals at any given time- but this has never been something I've done consciously.

I was just giving some thought to this idea of masks right now and thinking about how I kind of relate myself to animals, but just a handful.

I don't literally think I am an animal or think like "Form of...". But I end up relating somehow often that I am feeling like ___ that day somehow just casually in conversation.

Sometimes I'm a lion
Sometimes a big kitty meaning large cat, like wild cat species... I suppose the difference in my mind is that a lion may eat you and be ultra protective and a wild cat species might just be prowling around looking for a scratch on the head... but it's still a big powerful kitty.
Sometimes I'm a dog-playful and loyal kind. So protect my people I'll like, sit on your head.
Sometimes a dinosaur, mainly meaning TRex. Clumsy and arms not working, dumb and tall and powerful but no idea how to ... anything.
Very occasionally a Velociraptor- when I'm feeling really bad and mean I don't like that.
Sometimes a monkey- I got that in highschool, but I've felt it since very young: nimble and quick and attached to the people I'm with.

But these are all ME. All of these are me, and I feel them, even the ones I don't like: The stupid clumsy part or the bad mean one that is hard to accept- just when I'm feeling that I may be relating to one of them stronger, I'm feeling that part of me exceptionally strong that day.

I guess this sort of relates to masks, but they aren't exactly masks. I don't know I thought it was appropriate to respond.

 

[CaveDweller]

I don't but if I did they would probably sound like the Seven Dwarfs.