Do you like dominant partners?

[Etzelaire]

There is no way I would like someone dominant, she would get frustrated easily because in my private life I do as I please.

 

[daisychain]

Ha! Well more power to ya for knowing what you want!

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Hello everyone,

For some reason, I've always had a thing for partners who were more dominant than me. And as a female, that's not something that is being perceived as a positive thing. I think that's because the negative association people have with the word "dominance". It often makes us think of bullies, annoying managers or forceful and abusive partners. However, that's not necessarily what being dominant means. For instance, someone can be a natural leader or have a very strong personality. A person can demand respect just by the way talk and move. I guess "dominance" here just means "natural authority".

I always thought it was Asperger syndrome related. Now that I am an adult who has to make her own choices, I kind of "miss" the secure feeling my parents used to offer me. And I feel I try to compensate that by being drawn to rather dominant personalities. It just feels like an oasis of rest to be around someone who gives direction and takes the lead. It's a form of reliability and safety that I need.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. Don't get me wrong: I am not someone who likes to be commanded or told what to do. I don't have a submissive personality. Actually, it's quite the contrary: I am an assertive person with a clear opinion. In my friend group I am always the loudest voice. But as soon as it comes down to boyfriend material, I need someone who can make things calm and organized in my life and inside my head.

It's because of the fact that I am drawn to these men that I often end up being with someone who is older than me. A person like that is often more mature and has more life experience, which also makes me feel more secure around them. I guess it's a way of projecting parent-like expectations on the shoulders of my partner.

...I wonder if you have the same thing, or or have another interesting story to share. I am not that good at the whole "relationship" thing, and I learn loads from the way other people go about it.

Once the motive is understood this doesn't seem too bad, everyone has their preference but the whole parent thing somehow resonates with me even though for both sexual and non sexual (mostly non sexual) reasons I could happily be both or want both from a partner. I guess it just depends on how you word it to someone...direct or subtle.

 

[KayMarie]

Hello everyone,

For some reason, I've always had a thing for partners who were more dominant than me. And as a female, that's not something that is being perceived as a positive thing. I think that's because the negative association people have with the word "dominance". It often makes us think of bullies, annoying managers or forceful and abusive partners. However, that's not necessarily what being dominant means. For instance, someone can be a natural leader or have a very strong personality. A person can demand respect just by the way talk and move. I guess "dominance" here just means "natural authority".

I always thought it was Asperger syndrome related. Now that I am an adult who has to make her own choices, I kind of "miss" the secure feeling my parents used to offer me. And I feel I try to compensate that by being drawn to rather dominant personalities. It just feels like an oasis of rest to be around someone who gives direction and takes the lead. It's a form of reliability and safety that I need.
Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. Don't get me wrong: I am not someone who likes to be commanded or told what to do. I don't have a submissive personality. Actually, it's quite the contrary: I am an assertive person with a clear opinion. In my friend group I am always the loudest voice. But as soon as it comes down to boyfriend material, I need someone who can make things calm and organized in my life and inside my head.

It's because of the fact that I am drawn to these men that I often end up being with someone who is older than me. A person like that is often more mature and has more life experience, which also makes me feel more secure around them. I guess it's a way of projecting parent-like expectations on the shoulders of my partner.

...I wonder if you have the same thing, or or have another interesting story to share. I am not that good at the whole "relationship" thing, and I learn loads from the way other people go about it.

My boyfriend is way more dominant than me in many ways. He is outgoing, has tons of friends and his entire career is focused on his ability to make and maintain business connections. He has a very authoritative presence and I always turn to him in situations where I don't feel comfortable (which is more often than not) and he makes me feel a little more at ease without forcing into situations. I don't always speak up and he worries about me all the time, even today he said he probably worries about me more than I do. We've been together for 7 years and he has mastered calming me and assisted me in more ways he'll ever be able to imagine.

I also have my own very clear opinions but don't always voice them. In private with my boyfriend I'm very assertive and opinionated because I'm comfortable with him. He, like you said, is also older than me. I associate with very few people around my age and when I do I usually don't connect with them.

Being this is the only boyfriend I've had I can't say it's a trend for me but I've noticed the men I have been attracted to have the same qualities as my boyfriend.

 

[Tom]

In my partnership it has worked out that in some areas I have a sort of prime position, and in others she does. They tend to be divided along the lines of which things we are most passionate or knowledgible about (And as you can see when it comes to spelling its not me!). Much though falls in the middle and is kind of determined jointly.

I think though, that something that attracted me to her, and to others has been their having strong opinions and resolve. I think mostly I was looking for a situation where we both are on equal footing.