Do You Ignore Your Neighbors?

[Autisticool]

I've always felt this way: Hoping the neighbors aren't out when I have to walk outside to do something. Have a new house now with attached garage so I can enter and exit my car without being seen. I always hope nobody's out there to see me when I have to go out to set up the lawn sprinkler, and in previous residences, when I walked out to get the mail or toss the garbage. I'd do it at night so as not to be seen. New house has mailboxes a block away around a corner, and trash gets picked up, but make sure to take it to the curb after dark.

I might sound like a little scaredy cat, but I can be confrontational with gruff or incompetent people and quite outspoken and vocal. But that's business. When it comes to social stuff, I like to be invisible and not noticed. Though at the store yesterday I was chatty with the friendly cashier.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Darkkin]

We say hello in passing. Beyond that, no interaction. We also have nice neighbors, no one is obnoxious.

 

[Tom]

I was probably a bit more nervous when I was alone outside but ever since having dogs it hasn't been an issue as I always have some of them with me. It's not that I feel protected (They are Chihuahuas) just that it tends to give some format to conversations. Plus I now live in rural setting and get to know everyone (thru their dogs - I love dogs!) and don't mind chatting because I'll just talk about dogs (theirs or mine). Everyone here has dogs and guns. Houses are far apart and if someone's gruff (like Bottom-of-the-Hill Bill) you can give them wide berth.

 

[Primrose]

Can totally relate.

I struggle with making small talk and I often hope to not see the neighbours so I don't have to have awkward conversations, which can be stressful. I'm fine with going to talk to them if there is some reason to talk but otherwise I prefer my distance.

 

[Sunny1]

I am very insular when it comes to neighbors. I am a private person and having people live close to me is a stressor all by itself. The idea of having to come up with something to talk about, or continue on, is off-putting for me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My nearest neighbor is a 1/2 mile away. Once on my property we have ample solitude. One neighbor has a big event at his orchard every fall and we see them then. Frequently they will give us a couple of bags and invite us to pick the apples we want to take home. I always go for the Northern Spies. Another neighbor that I allow to hunt across our property is always dropping by with venison. I don't even need to hunt if I am not in the mood. I am generous with my German Red Garlic. I have about 50 bulbs going right now. Living in a township with 760 households, and being a precinct delegate I get to see my neighbors.

 

[Jordy]

I don't flat out ignore them, but i do find it annoying when they attempt to chat with me

 

[Thinx]

We get on well with ours, both sides, although we don't socialise in each other's houses and covid gives us a good reason. We do chat near the door though. We talk to others on the street too, I think there is fellow feeling as we have a pretty and historically significant Street we all are proud of.

 

[Aspychata]

I was bombarded by texts that seem to be suspiciously from the same place my neighbor worked after l moved in. Then l had vandalism re: my car and plants, l am definitely not talking to my neighbors because they obviously have zero boundaries which tells me pretty much what they do for a living. When l get a rescue cat, l want him to feel safe and have a nice sunny spot too.

As a result, l am looking for a nicer place to buy, so that's a good thing.

 

[Slim Jim]

Yes. I ignore many people.

 

[LadyS]

I can relate, but mostly due to social anxiety. Luckily most of my neighbors just wave hello and I just wave back. Unfortunately the neighbor next to us is a bit chatty so I usually pretend like I don't see them when I'm out or I'm in a hurry.

 

[Hazel_1914]

I try not to ignore people. I stop & say hello to people all the time. Unfortunately, being a renter it's very difficult to allow that basic human need of actually knowing other people--you move in some place & know you will be gone before they can say Jack Robinson so apart from maybe offering help to folks, it's nothing.

Now the landlady I would rather enjoy ignoring, her husband the musician I am rather sad to have to ignore, her crazy son who is like Hunter S. Thompson but with zero talent is not exactly safe to ignore, and the other son has the stature of a circus elephant so when he walks across his floor my ceiling, he is impossible to ignore. So these neighbors I cannot actually ignore but I am glad that I will, soon, when I move out.

Ignoring neighbors, deliberately playing the "oh, I'm autistic, so I get a free pass to be unsocial and miserable," doesn't help you or them. I've been seeing this a lot about how autistics end up introverted--and can definitely relate; I'm something of an introvert myself in the sense of working well alone. However, I was far from introverted until I hit about the age of eight to twelve, where my personality shifted (as expected.) Unfortunately the shift was from happy & outgoing, to fearful, miserable, and--at 16--deeply depressed which is where I stayed for years. I refuse to embrace the Internet paradigm where autism gives us all this lookaway privilege where we can pretend to be craggy little islands of misery, stark lifeless wastes in the midst of a teeming ocean (and in sight of shore.)

 

[Aspychata]

I try not to ignore people. I stop & say hello to people all the time. Unfortunately, being a renter it's very difficult to allow that basic human need of actually knowing other people--you move in some place & know you will be gone before they can say Jack Robinson so apart from maybe offering help to folks, it's nothing.

Now the landlady I would rather enjoy ignoring, her husband the musician I am rather sad to have to ignore, her crazy son who is like Hunter S. Thompson but with zero talent is not exactly safe to ignore, and the other son has the stature of a circus elephant so when he walks across his floor my ceiling, he is impossible to ignore. So these neighbors I cannot actually ignore but I am glad that I will, soon, when I move out.

Ignoring neighbors, deliberately playing the "oh, I'm autistic, so I get a free pass to be unsocial and miserable," doesn't help you or them. I've been seeing this a lot about how autistics end up introverted--and can definitely relate; I'm something of an introvert myself in the sense of working well alone. However, I was far from introverted until I hit about the age of eight to twelve, where my personality shifted (as expected.) Unfortunately the shift was from happy & outgoing, to fearful, miserable, and--at 16--deeply depressed which is where I stayed for years. I refuse to embrace the Internet paradigm where autism gives us all this lookaway privilege where we can pretend to be craggy little islands of misery, stark lifeless wastes in the midst of a teeming ocean (and in sight of shore.)

I like that descriptive idea, it sounds romantic in a Dickenson sorta of way. Like l laid in a hovel of a cottage as the ocean battled away at my door, and sky storm crashed down around me so l busted out some popcorn and contemplated my misery. Can l rent this place?

 

[Nervous Rex]

Do I avoid my neighbors? No! But also, yes.

We have great neighbors. We have a good relationship with many of our neighbors and help each other out here and there.

But also, I work from home and don't want my focus disturbed, so I sometimes lock the doors and close the blinds so my stay-at-home neighbors won't bother me.

Last week, after the garbage truck came by, I heard my neighbor take her garbage bin in. I went out to take my garbage bin off the street, but I realized that if I rolled the bin in, it would make a lot of noise and my neighbor might come out and want to talk, so I picked the whole thing up and carried it. It was heavy and I got a large bruise on my stomach from the weight of the bin. When my wife saw the bruise, I had to explain that I got the bruise because I'm a freak and just want to be left alone sometimes.

 

[Autisticool]

OP here. When I say "ignore," I didn't mean when they initiate a greeting. Of course I'll greet back. But I try to avoid the circumstance that sets me up for them to notice me (and start talking) in the first place. I'm one of those people who never gets good neighbors. This isn't a self-fulfilling prophecy, either.

The man diagonal across the street has a car that has TWO exhaust pipes. I mean, wtf. He lets the car run 10-15 minutes before getting in and pulling out. It sounds like it doesn't have a muffler. The engine is LOUD and I can't escape hearing it even with the windows and doors shut. What's this goon trying to prove?

The man next door, when I wasn't outside, moved my sprinkler because the water was LIGHTLY hitting his gutter. How EVER does this guy get through a rainstorm? I know it was him (or his wife?) because I can't think of any reason anyone else would lift the thing out of the ground and face it in the opposite direction.

Women next door, her dog is out WAY TOO MUCH. She's too dumb to maybe consider it barks too much? Cloth muzzle? Bark collar? She's too dumb to consider these practical solutions. Yet she complained about the dog on her other side for barking too much. THEY put a bark collar on it and it's now quiet. Then there's the moron a block away who, along with his teen son, ride this stupid, LOUD mini motor bike around. Like really, what simple person gets off on riding around on their lazy can a loud motorized bike? An old lady could do this.

Yes, I'm bitter, but the new move has been stressful and I'm not going to try to act NT to combat it. I'm an autist at heart!

 

[Neonatal RRT]

99% of the time. Yes.

 

[KimS]

Oh, I have a story for this! We live in a rural area where almost every plot of land is at least two acres. There's one quarter acre plot that was shoehorned in on the corner next to us. The old owners were very quiet and private, like everyone else around here. The new people are different. They replaced the old chainlink fence with a pricy privacy fence at the sane time they started flying their rather rude political flag, so we were pretty happy to pretend they disappeared. Well, they just finished construction on what must have been a very expensive, resort-styled pool/spa/patio. It's gorgeous, but the kicker is this patio is raised at least three feet up from the ground and it's right up against our property line, so the fence has been rendered moot. We can hear and see it all. Tonight the teenage girl was doing the happy 'ooh don't dunk me' screams at her boyfriend, and my poor 13 year old nonverbal kid had a crying meltdown. I think she was so embarrassed about scaring him they quietly went inside.

I can't decide if the parents just didn't think far enough ahead, or if they're exhibitionists who love to waste money.

 

[Gee Wyles]

I can relate but I'm not so extreme that I wait until after dark to take my trash can to the curb. I live just west of Phoenix, AZ where it's quite hot at least 6 months of the year so you don't see many people out walking in the heat. All our yards are fenced with 6' cinderblock walls so there is no chance of chatting over the fence. I have found desert people to be less friendly than they are in other parts of the country so avoiding social chit chat isn't difficult here. I did disconnect my doorbell though so I don't have to talk to any pesky solicitors.

 

[Fino]

I avoid all strangers.

 

[Callistemon]

The man diagonal across the street has a car that has TWO exhaust pipes. I mean, wtf. He lets the car run 10-15 minutes before getting in and pulling out. It sounds like it doesn't have a muffler. The engine is LOUD and I can't escape hearing it even with the windows and doors shut. What's this goon trying to prove?

When I first met my husband, he was living in the city, in one of a group of villas organised around a central courtyard. One of the neighbours was exactly like you are describing, and we were frequently woken up by him running his car for 10-15 minutes early in the morning (and had to close the window because the courtyard was filling up with exhaust fumes). So we made up an imaginary name for him: Mr Testicle Muffler. And we invented lots of ad lib stories about his life, which always involved hours of freeway driving just from one end of the freeway to the other and back again, bog laps, bad take-away, a non-existent girlfriend and having only a single testicle.