RainbowAura
On the outside wishing I was something
I don’t know if I have Aspergers but thought I’d write to see if anyone could understand or see if they can see any traits.
I grew up as an only child and didn’t think anything different of myself until kindergarten/daycare when I was rejected. I always felt “not enough” around other children and was rejected. I didn’t understand...
My family life was pretty poor and my only contact was my mother who has narcissistic traits and my cold, distant narc grandmother. My half siblings I saw at Christmas or Easter. They were far different than me and much older. I enjoyed my bicycle and felt I was in some other “world” on that bike. It was an escape.
I always had a sense of being different. I’d play alone. I’d look around in a perceptive state and see others playing and couldn’t understand why I had no one. I started to feel as if I was from another planet when I was about 8..9.. maybe earlier. Not in so many words but I knew something was up with how the world treated me and how others acted around me. I noticed when I was 15 I felt as if I wa looking on the inside (or outside?) to some space-like world. I felt detached and distant from what others “are”
No friends came to my house (except once when I was 7) and I couldn’t keep up with others. I was average in class without my mothers help. I wasn’t good at art, sport or maths or anything. When I was 6/7 I started to be bullied. In psycholoical, social and verbal ways. I gained weight when I was 8 and ballooned. I was always bigger but this is when I really got big. When I was 10 I noticed my teacher was sad and she was surprised how aware I was.
My toy interests were not abnormal. I leaned towards stuffed animals and small collectable type toys if I had to pick a favourite. I liked poetry when I was 12 and was into the spiritual side of things, especially the moon and stars and astrology. I began to have stuffed animal friends and still do to this day. Giving them voices and using them as comfort.
I felt I couldn’t relate to a single soul at school except in part my fake friend I had for several years. I always felt I couldn’t relate to the “worldly state” of this world. I felt I couldn’t relate to fashion, music..nothing of the “norm”.
I was not intelligent, in fact average and under average. (Not under selling myself). I felt misunderstood and abused but felt I could never do anything. I had severe (still do) social anxiety and was very..in fact super super very sheltered by my mother. My only family.
I couldn’t relate or watch “worldly adult programmes” which other kids/teens were watching like the O.C or other adult tv shows. I was watching Pokémon and Winx and other shows at 14/15. I was very “innocent”. I didn’t even know what sex really was until I was about 13. I had “girl crushes” on much older females. I didn’t crush on typical guys others did in teen magazines. My first celeb crush was when I was 17.
I’ve never had a boyfriend and haven’t had a friend since I was 13. I’m now nearly in my late 20’s.
I relate to several things here Females with Aspergers Syndrome Checklist by Samantha Craft
I grew up as an only child and didn’t think anything different of myself until kindergarten/daycare when I was rejected. I always felt “not enough” around other children and was rejected. I didn’t understand...
My family life was pretty poor and my only contact was my mother who has narcissistic traits and my cold, distant narc grandmother. My half siblings I saw at Christmas or Easter. They were far different than me and much older. I enjoyed my bicycle and felt I was in some other “world” on that bike. It was an escape.
I always had a sense of being different. I’d play alone. I’d look around in a perceptive state and see others playing and couldn’t understand why I had no one. I started to feel as if I was from another planet when I was about 8..9.. maybe earlier. Not in so many words but I knew something was up with how the world treated me and how others acted around me. I noticed when I was 15 I felt as if I wa looking on the inside (or outside?) to some space-like world. I felt detached and distant from what others “are”
No friends came to my house (except once when I was 7) and I couldn’t keep up with others. I was average in class without my mothers help. I wasn’t good at art, sport or maths or anything. When I was 6/7 I started to be bullied. In psycholoical, social and verbal ways. I gained weight when I was 8 and ballooned. I was always bigger but this is when I really got big. When I was 10 I noticed my teacher was sad and she was surprised how aware I was.
My toy interests were not abnormal. I leaned towards stuffed animals and small collectable type toys if I had to pick a favourite. I liked poetry when I was 12 and was into the spiritual side of things, especially the moon and stars and astrology. I began to have stuffed animal friends and still do to this day. Giving them voices and using them as comfort.
I felt I couldn’t relate to a single soul at school except in part my fake friend I had for several years. I always felt I couldn’t relate to the “worldly state” of this world. I felt I couldn’t relate to fashion, music..nothing of the “norm”.
I was not intelligent, in fact average and under average. (Not under selling myself). I felt misunderstood and abused but felt I could never do anything. I had severe (still do) social anxiety and was very..in fact super super very sheltered by my mother. My only family.
I couldn’t relate or watch “worldly adult programmes” which other kids/teens were watching like the O.C or other adult tv shows. I was watching Pokémon and Winx and other shows at 14/15. I was very “innocent”. I didn’t even know what sex really was until I was about 13. I had “girl crushes” on much older females. I didn’t crush on typical guys others did in teen magazines. My first celeb crush was when I was 17.
I’ve never had a boyfriend and haven’t had a friend since I was 13. I’m now nearly in my late 20’s.
I relate to several things here Females with Aspergers Syndrome Checklist by Samantha Craft