Do aspies need sex?

[Ste11aeres]

i suppose you missed the lol at the end of my comment, which was meant to indicate that i wouldn't seriously make a decision like whether to have children or not based on what i might read about slightly increased risks for breast cancer in an online forum. lol

sorry
that's me rolling my eyes at my own self.

 

[Randomperson]

UGH dont even get me started on cats....bf has THREE all of which seem more intriguing to him than I do when I go over to his house...

Sends me videos and pics of his cats all the time like I am supposed to care.....send me a pic of yourself if youre going to bother....jeez so feminine for a guy to be THAT into cats its such a turn off...but I dont know how to tell him...I have asked him to get rid of them and he says if he ever moves out he will but I have my doubts,....If a guy cares more about his cats than his gf than he has no business having one

So you are saying you want someone to get rid of something that they love unconditionally that returns that love, for you, who seem very conditional and will probably not be a life long relationship? Sounds rather greedy of you. And what precisely causes you to claim that it is feminine to have pets you love? I have a pair of cats I prefer to 99.9% of the human species, I also have a long beard a curly mustache a Jeep and a black leather cowboy hat. There is nothing feminine about me.

 

[starving_artist]

sorry
that's me rolling my eyes at my own self.

no prob

 

[StephF]

I have no need of sex whatsoever. I find the concept somewhat icky and (to me) a bit repulsive.
For me it has value only if there is a need to procreate.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Need? No. Want? Yup. But with only one person. All the rest ticked me off deeply and if something ever happens to my husband I'll be regularly practicing my Grr face. "Last resort" indeed!

 

[icesyckel]

This one does.

 

[anne.bc]

This one does.

Haha

I didn't for the last few years but now that I'm single I'm like "oh yeah, that stuff!" Lol!

 

[starving_artist]

Need? No. Want? Yup. But with only one person.

^i am the same. i like sex but not the casual kind, and i'm not a player so i can do without company easily enough when i have to. when i'm in a relationship, however, i like it regularly (5-7 times a week is satisfactory).

ETA: i always like it regularly with myself, when i'm single. lol

 

[icesyckel]

I find the concept somewhat icky and (to me) a bit repulsive

The icky parts are usually the best parts, imho

 

[Cali Cat]

This little Aspie needs none.

 

[NlGHTgirl]

Still wanting opinions on this thread? I'm not sure I qualify as Aspie. Pretty sure I am not exactly normal, though? Is that a possibility?

am a a male. I have a very high sex drive. I however, have to be with someone I have feelings for, or I have none.

I'm a lady with normal drive. I agree: only with someone I have feelings for!!...
This is a good question:

Are people with Aspergers less likely to follow their primal urge to procreate in favour of abstinence and doing other things with their time.

YES. I agree. (not sure I qualify as Aspie though)

There may be some past father issues or short term parter an obsessive Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer still lingering sometimes to haunt my subconscious. DECADES of chosen CELIBACY ..... I would not rather not take care of my own lusty "needs"..... Yes, I agree with the poster who said this::: Sex...It IS very very very therapeutic!!! it can become addictive!!! I have seen a (not Aspie, not NT) friend's brain that is terrible, irritable, angry, combative without his sex "fix"!!!! I am surprised that more people not observing this? sex=therapy for some,very true, I think..... Personally, I'd rather participate in other activities until the perfect marriage opportunity comes along!!! I am not sure how many normal people choose true celibacy for that long. Lust was almost something to be happily conquered like Ghandi. It bothers me most as a young 19 and ... NOW NOW at that "certain age" , ah, I'm , ah, 37..... Oh, gosh, help me, lust issues, heh. But there is this guy that might like me. He might be worth considering. HE might have Autism? I am visiting here, curious to learn of some Aspie traits.....

valid point....

It seems like the question you should be asking is whether or not aspies feel obliged to make love, rather than the simple the act of sex.

Everyone needs to love and be loved to some extent, but not everyone feels that this needs to be provided through sexual intercourse.

I dream of women at night.... I am bisexual... I lust for and love this one lady friend of mine.... perhaps, the deeply religious could say that this lesbian "sin" is misplaced friendship love? That I never had a long term relationship with men? or never fully matured mentally? Or something from my "lonely" childhood for never having experienced a deep friendship with a female (besides my awesome best friend sister, which does NOT count in that way.) I am not having sex with the lady friend but I still love her, on some level. She is single, She seems like she might be open to the idea actually. but She has these wild kids, I am not sure there is a long term future together. Especially, since, technically, lesbians can not marry in a "forever" kind of way. I still have this wonderful romantic notion of being married forever to this gentleman prince fairy tale? I learned that dating disappoints me. It is annoying. Isn't one good guy as good as any other? why bother getting to know them? Celibacy or... Marriage might be an option. If the man did not initiate dating or sex, I'm pretty sure I would not have any...... Yes, Sex seems rather base needs, animalistic. (Am I a bad person for saying that? Maybe I have mental health issues? maybe I was abused somehow?)

I understand the poster with the sensory sensitivities! When I finally find the right person, I am already overstimulated by fantasies in my mind. I almost wish... probably not logical to some (please let me know.)... but.... if someone recommends a good guy (with police background check or really decent references? like arranged marriage by parents? a best friend's brother? or something?)....a qualified good guy..... Can't we just have marriage and sex and talk later? The LAST thing I need is foreplay. Maybe later in the relationship?

So, Craig said, You say people need love. not always provided by sex? How do people show love? or be loved? does that equal hugs or what are we talking about? I am curious? do Aspies never cuddle? I'm not a hugger, in general.... but.... dating, is different? right? maybe I should maybe I want or need hugs? Do women want hugs after intimacy? and or before? I don't know.

or like deep conversations? flowers? little gifts? this shows love/interest?


I do apologise if this was too long! I tend to ramble! I am new here! I have not learned how all the etiquette yet. Please forgive me. Thank you for your help!

 

[Harrison]

I enjoy sex with the right person, but, having been alone for a while now I also enjoy celibacy. I guess if I found someone I 'clicked' with I would renounce my enforced celibacy in a heartbeat. Sadly, the chances of that happening are remote enough for me not to worry about it.

 

[NlGHTgirl]

What Craig said about love and sex?

So, do Aspies never cuddle? I'm not a hugger, in general.... but.... dating, is different? right? Do all women want hugs after intimacy? and or before?

I don't understand why people say such things as "sadly, chances are remote" of finding a mate? Are Aspies so difficult? to love? ? in all honesty? because I don't know? In theory, Aren't there tons of vague boring good guys available? what are people qualifications list for finding the right woman? that is so strict? I wonder about my own ... just curious.... about all people that exist in this world.... and how the other people date and view the world....

 

[Spiller]

I personally agree with the therapeutic value of sex, though for me the whole works, best friends-cuddles-tactile/emotional intimacy is vitally important
Will I die without intimacy? Probably not, but the future looks long and bleak without it
The happiest times of my life have been with partners who enjoyed sex for its own sake. But the key is communication; when my partner could tell me what she wanted, we were great; when she couldn't, the relationship fell apart.. how much of that was my fault, I do not know, but I know I tried.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i'm probably not going to respond to other posts with this many replies.. but this one seems fun. in my case i've only had 1 girlfriend and haven't had sex before or after her......... but the short answer would be, yes very much so. others say i seem very uninterested in sex and i can see why (i don't do the typical guy stuff like staring at every girl or talking about how hot some girl is or have crushes on celebrities or such..) but i have a strict moral system and in the case of that 1 girlfriend.. i generally wanted to have sex every day (it was about a 1yr long relationship). due to my moral system i'm not sure if that would throw me off if i ever am able to get another girlfriend.. but i like to believe as long as i'm physically capable (and probably even if i'm not.. but man will that suck) i would still want to have sex every day. not that it would be able to happen.. work schedules, just being too tired (i move furniture a lot) and such.. i'm actually concerned about her being bored of sex by the time she exists (the g/f that i dont know yet lol) and i have a cloud of judgement around my head for everything.. that included

 

[Ste11aeres]

i'm probably not going to respond to other posts with this many replies.. but this one seems fun. in my case i've only had 1 girlfriend and haven't had sex before or after her......... but the short answer would be, yes very much so. others say i seem very uninterested in sex and i can see why (i don't do the typical guy stuff like staring at every girl or talking about how hot some girl is or have crushes on celebrities or such..) but i have a strict moral system and in the case of that 1 girlfriend.. i generally wanted to have sex every day (it was about a 1yr long relationship). due to my moral system i'm not sure if that would throw me off if i ever am able to get another girlfriend.. but i like to believe as long as i'm physically capable (and probably even if i'm not.. but man will that suck) i would still want to have sex every day. not that it would be able to happen.. work schedules, just being too tired (i move furniture a lot) and such.. i'm actually concerned about her being bored of sex by the time she exists (the g/f that i dont know yet lol) and i have a cloud of judgement around my head for everything.. that included

What is the "moral system" that you are referring to?

 

[Ste11aeres]

First of all, people (meaning individual persons) don't need sex, they just have a strong desire that feels like the same desire they have for actual needs (water, air). For the human species, on the other hand, sex is an actual need, as it is the means of reproduction.

I am using the word "need" in a very narrow sense, one which basically means "if you don't have it, you will die."

 

[ChrisC1983]

What is the "moral system" that you are referring to?

to try and keep it short.. i was about 12 or so when i created it (and many of the rules i govern myself by.. family life became very tough shortly after and i became my own parent basically).. and looking back there's a lot of red flags i can see. but i wanted (and still do although i'm also big on balance so i need to create flexibility) to be with 1 person for my whole life. i did not want to do anything with anybody before that 1 person.. which stretched from sex all the way down to simply holding hands and hugging.
today i'm forced to shake peoples hands and do an occasional high five or such but it still very much bothers me (partly the moral thing lingering around, partly because i just dont like touching people outside of a boyfriend/girlfriend setup... yes even hugging family bothers me and saying "i love you" to them. i've tried explaining it to them.. they understand that i do love them as any other kid would love their parents.. but me not saying it does bother them still. i push myself to on very very rare occasion for their sake)

 

[Berianireth]

I think it is individual. I am a female aspie with very serious chronic depression and anxiety, and I also have a history of physical abuse, molestation and rape (different individuals some what thankfully). But even in my case being in a mutual consentual sex based relationship has felt empowering. I just never felt that sex was so much of a need as it is a want that is healthy to indulge on occasion! I think it's only human like eating desserts or having a glass of wine.

 

[StephF]

From my own perspective I do not need it. I don't understand the human need to copulate in order to feel emotions.
Of course, that could just be me.