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Do any of you have trouble making friends not online but in everywhere real life?

I don't go to parties, but when in public I mostly speak with other women because when I speak to a man very much people seem to think I'm interested in him or something. I don't run into many people from either gender though that I have very much in common with. If I act stiff, they either accuse me of being a snob, baby talk me or say I'm a cyborg. If I relax and be myself they either accuse me of being a snob, baby talk me, or say that I am crazy, creepy, ect. When I had the job at the place that helps people with conditions, I felt like I was accepted by almost all the clients regardless of which gender they were.
 
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My Wife being NT likes to socialize, being a extravert by nature so do I. Went to visit friend last week his impression after not seeing him for months, he sent message to my wife Ron unwound like a watch where the spring come lose.
My masking is like acting like an introvert.
 
Faye
You probably noticed me mentioning in my family the most common surname was MInderhoud yet none in my tree,
obviously they or at least the ladies got married and had families. Bright good looking female Aspie, bad combination The other ladies see you as competition. The target rich environment for you is where the brighter men hang out. An Aspie guy will notice you quickly My sisters husband is an Aspie like her, they really connect. Took him years to warm up to me, watching me chat with his wife. Think he was self conscious hanging with us his dad treated him like he was dumb, through he is an engineer. My dad really liked him, wondered how he could treat his son like that, My buddy fellow Aspie from college, meet his wife when i took him to my high school graduation, We got invited to classmates house for a small after party. He hooked up with her she was quiet NT kept to herself. They started dating.
 
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For me, the verb, "make" is a stumbling block. "Make" sounds like a lot of work to me. This thread makes me think of a meditation journal entry that I wrote some time ago. "Are we human doings or are we human beings?" Rather than "making friends," to me it seems easier and more comfortable "becoming friends." Making is harder than becoming. . . .
 
After some persistent work I have some friends. One of my rabbit holes is music. So i’ve found some friends there. Have some sort of online friends. Communication online I find difficult, I need quality feedback. Online doesn’t provide this for me. So online increases my anxiety.
 
It is easy to make a friend if you forget about yourself and be the person someone is looking for. It can be better than nothing, but potential benefits are shaky.
 
I found an efficient way to make new friends by accident. I participate in events or activities that are of interest to me with like-minded people. I have found that they are accepting of my quirks and I come away with new friends and have maintained good and meaningful recently created friendships for a couple of years since realizing this. Our shared interests seem to trump my weirdness.

Conversely, when I set out with the goal of making friends, I flop. Badly. The failure is usually so epic that if there were any more egg on my face, Denny's would serve me as an omelette.

My 2 cents, before inflation.
 
The only event of mutual interest I every had was working, we all liked industrial painting and some of us liked colour control. I do not see these people any more now that I am retired.
 
I found an efficient way to make new friends by accident. I participate in events or activities that are of interest to me with like-minded people. I have found that they are accepting of my quirks and I come away with new friends and have maintained good and meaningful recently created friendships for a couple of years since realizing this. Our shared interests seem to trump my weirdness.

Conversely, when I set out with the goal of making friends, I flop. Badly. The failure is usually so epic that if there were any more egg on my face, Denny's would serve me as an omelette.

My 2 cents, before inflation.
velociraptor, have you ever thought that it is your "weirdness" that makes you the beautiful human being who is you? The rest of us know this fact, for certain.
 
Yes, I haven't had a real-life friend in over 10 years. I've tried making friends, but it never goes beyond acquaintanceship.
 
I currently have two friends one I meet in public school and the other I meet in college. that's it. Others have passed away.
 
I have a few personal friends but have more virtual friends via the internet. Because of diversity of Western society and culture, it's difficult to discover others in the physical world----and not via the internet----who have sufficient, similar interests, attitudes, values, beliefs, and goals to make physical, social connections meaningful in a lasting way.

Was anyone else like me during the COVID years? I continued to thrive because I'd never been going "out" before COVID hit. I've always been alone, physically, and I like it this way. It wasn't ever traumatic for me to not be able to go "outside" during the COVID scare.
 
I retired was on a staycation, and ten days after my 65 birthday had a stoke, ended up in hospital unable to walk when covid hit, could walk with walker, released from hospital to make room for covid patients. Knew quickly, that covid was airborne, having an chemical engineering back ground along with micro biology. so just went for walks' got rid of the walker slowly built up distance dilution is the solution. Then one day told wife I wonder did covid cause my stroke. I'm trained as a quality engineer, lets plot the cases, my province, my region the biggest city in the province and a similar region to compare my region too. Started a thread on here, one data point for each area per day. Boy was it an eye opener even predicted when it would go endemic. Off by a few days. My data is stunning two years worth, all on a thread on this forum.
 
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Yes, a year ago I made a cross-country move, and making new friends hasn't been easy.

Making friends only comes for me when I am seeing the same people regularly, like in school or work. I had the benefit of many years of schooling and working in my previous state where I had lived since birth. Thus a carefully cultivated friend group had emerged over the decades.

Now I'm somewhere new and a little lost. Not that I'm not happy where I've moved to - I'm very happy here! I would never want to go back to where I came from. And also I'm pretty happy spending time in my apartment with just myself and my dog for very long periods of time. The most social interactions I do are calling my parents or the less-stressful conversations online (less stressful in part because they don't require me to get out of my space lol). But I do still want friends.

I've struggled to find work, so that has yet to work out for me. The one thing I did was join a local community ensemble. But I did it only a couple of months before their summer break, so I'm still very new to it.

I take it that NTs don't need this way of making friends as much as I do? It's very limited. NTs may like bars, clubs and parties. I do not. I also (not necessarily NT or ND related) am not religious and don't go to church so that's another way that people meet new people that just doesn't work for me.
 
Yes, a year ago I made a cross-country move, and making new friends hasn't been easy.

Being raised in a military family and having to move a lot really took its toll on making friends. Especially when moving from one extreme of the country to another. Which involves more than mere geography. Where local cultures and values could be quite different, with a lot of folks ready to explain in a less-than-kind manner. Whether from south to north, or east to west...

And that doesn't even involve considerations of neurological differences that can make new acquaintances so arduous.
 
Yes, a year ago I made a cross-country move, and making new friends hasn't been easy.

Making friends only comes for me when I am seeing the same people regularly, like in school or work. I had the benefit of many years of schooling and working in my previous state where I had lived since birth. Thus a carefully cultivated friend group had emerged over the decades.

Now I'm somewhere new and a little lost. Not that I'm not happy where I've moved to - I'm very happy here! I would never want to go back to where I came from. And also I'm pretty happy spending time in my apartment with just myself and my dog for very long periods of time. The most social interactions I do are calling my parents or the less-stressful conversations online (less stressful in part because they don't require me to get out of my space lol). But I do still want friends.

I've struggled to find work, so that has yet to work out for me. The one thing I did was join a local community ensemble. But I did it only a couple of months before their summer break, so I'm still very new to it.

I take it that NTs don't need this way of making friends as much as I do? It's very limited. NTs may like bars, clubs and parties. I do not. I also (not necessarily NT or ND related) am not religious and don't go to church so that's another way that people meet new people that just doesn't work for me.
Hi Harmonie, what about taking your precious little dog to a dog park? It's a nice way for dog owners to informally say "hello" and talk about their dogs. This may be a way to meet some folks who are similar with you. And what about other hobbies that you enjoy? When does the ensemble get back together? When school resumes? How 'bout work colleagues? Talk with some of them about what they enjoy while not a work?

I'm now 80, retired and also disabled, but I well remember a different time when my need for community was extremely wanted and also difficult to obtain. This was when I'd just completed grad school and moved to a new city. For me, mere time was a way in which my wants and needs for others, for a sense of community, subsided considerably. I needed a routine with some predictability and "settling in" to a new city and new job. These things took time. My then-wife and I joined a church and the choir and that was helpful. (I know you said religion isn't your thing but am just saying what was helpful for me.) I also became close friends with a few of my work colleagues. This was before wifi and the internet and cable. I'd say, overall, time made a positive difference. It took time for positive things to happen. . . .
 
Being raised in a military family and having to move a lot really took its toll on making friends. Especially when moving from one extreme of the country to another. Which involves more than mere geography. Where local cultures and values could be quite different, with a lot of folks ready to explain in a less-than-kind manner. Whether from south to north, or east to west...

And that doesn't even involve considerations of neurological differences that can make new acquaintances so arduous.

Funny thing is, I made a move from the south to the Northeast and I feel like the culture here in the Northeast is much more to my liking. People do their own thing and don't bother with frivolous small talk quite as much, and I like it. I love it!

Hi Harmonie, what about taking your precious little dog to a dog park? It's a nice way for dog owners to informally say "hello" and talk about their dogs. This may be a way to meet some folks who are similar with you. And what about other hobbies that you enjoy? When does the ensemble get back together? When school resumes? How 'bout work colleagues? Talk with some of them about what they enjoy while not a work?

I'm now 80, retired and also disabled, but I well remember a different time when my need for community was extremely wanted and also difficult to obtain. This was when I'd just completed grad school and moved to a new city. For me, mere time was a way in which my wants and needs for others, for a sense of community, subsided considerably. I needed a routine with some predictability and "settling in" to a new city and new job. These things took time. My then-wife and I joined a church and the choir and that was helpful. (I know you said religion isn't your thing but am just saying what was helpful for me.) I also became close friends with a few of my work colleagues. This was before wifi and the internet and cable. I'd say, overall, time made a positive difference. It took time for positive things to happen. . . .

I would love to take my dog, she is very lovable. But she's also older now so she doesn't walk quite as well as she used to, so it's not practical to take her out like that anymore.

The ensemble gets back together sometime after Labor Day. That's all I know. But I'm sure that will happen before I know it.

I don't have a job right now. I have been struggling a lot to find employment, so, yeah... Band was like the only thing where I actually got out and met people.
 
Funny thing is, I made a move from the south to the Northeast and I feel like the culture here in the Northeast is much more to my liking. People do their own thing and don't bother with frivolous small talk quite as much, and I like it. I love it!

When I spoke of such transitions, it was in a different era long ago before the national population began to migrate in every direction. And one involving very different social dynamics when it came to things like race and religion, apart from regional differences and age considerations as a child- not an adult.

Though in Nevada presently it's rare when I run into anyone with a regional accent other than what it typical of the west coast. Making such a transition in school could be brutal, with so many kids making fun of a subtle, Southern accent . Same went for anyone from Texas as well. But then in Virginia I also recall how anyone from California took some heat as well. They got me coming and going. But it was very long ago.
 
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When I spoke of such transitions, it was in a different era long ago before the national population began to migrate in every direction. And one involving very different social dynamics when it came to things like race and religion, apart from regional differences and age considerations as a child- not an adult.

Though in Nevada presently it's rare when I run into anyone with a regional accent other than what it typical of the west coast. Making such a transition in school could be brutal, with so many kids making fun of a subtle, Southern accent . Same went for anyone from Texas as well. But then in Virginia I also recall how anyone from California took some heat as well. They got me coming and going. But it was very long ago.
Judge, your comments here remind me of how things changed for me, going from public schools, childhood-into-adolescence-into-adulthood. I was quite surprised how things changed as I became an adult. Differences in things may have been noticed but there was no longer any making-fun-of others' differences. I wondered why this change had taken place. I thought that I'd always be made-fun-of but things had pleasantly changed. I wondered if it were because, as adults, we were into making a living. For instance, if a sales person wanted to make a sale, making-fun-of someone would assure that the sales person would NOT make a sale!
 

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