Even when going to parties, I prefer to hang with the ladies men are into sports, and other stuff I have no interest in.
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velociraptor, have you ever thought that it is your "weirdness" that makes you the beautiful human being who is you? The rest of us know this fact, for certain.I found an efficient way to make new friends by accident. I participate in events or activities that are of interest to me with like-minded people. I have found that they are accepting of my quirks and I come away with new friends and have maintained good and meaningful recently created friendships for a couple of years since realizing this. Our shared interests seem to trump my weirdness.
Conversely, when I set out with the goal of making friends, I flop. Badly. The failure is usually so epic that if there were any more egg on my face, Denny's would serve me as an omelette.
My 2 cents, before inflation.
Yes, a year ago I made a cross-country move, and making new friends hasn't been easy.
Hi Harmonie, what about taking your precious little dog to a dog park? It's a nice way for dog owners to informally say "hello" and talk about their dogs. This may be a way to meet some folks who are similar with you. And what about other hobbies that you enjoy? When does the ensemble get back together? When school resumes? How 'bout work colleagues? Talk with some of them about what they enjoy while not a work?Yes, a year ago I made a cross-country move, and making new friends hasn't been easy.
Making friends only comes for me when I am seeing the same people regularly, like in school or work. I had the benefit of many years of schooling and working in my previous state where I had lived since birth. Thus a carefully cultivated friend group had emerged over the decades.
Now I'm somewhere new and a little lost. Not that I'm not happy where I've moved to - I'm very happy here! I would never want to go back to where I came from. And also I'm pretty happy spending time in my apartment with just myself and my dog for very long periods of time. The most social interactions I do are calling my parents or the less-stressful conversations online (less stressful in part because they don't require me to get out of my space lol). But I do still want friends.
I've struggled to find work, so that has yet to work out for me. The one thing I did was join a local community ensemble. But I did it only a couple of months before their summer break, so I'm still very new to it.
I take it that NTs don't need this way of making friends as much as I do? It's very limited. NTs may like bars, clubs and parties. I do not. I also (not necessarily NT or ND related) am not religious and don't go to church so that's another way that people meet new people that just doesn't work for me.
Being raised in a military family and having to move a lot really took its toll on making friends. Especially when moving from one extreme of the country to another. Which involves more than mere geography. Where local cultures and values could be quite different, with a lot of folks ready to explain in a less-than-kind manner. Whether from south to north, or east to west...
And that doesn't even involve considerations of neurological differences that can make new acquaintances so arduous.
Hi Harmonie, what about taking your precious little dog to a dog park? It's a nice way for dog owners to informally say "hello" and talk about their dogs. This may be a way to meet some folks who are similar with you. And what about other hobbies that you enjoy? When does the ensemble get back together? When school resumes? How 'bout work colleagues? Talk with some of them about what they enjoy while not a work?
I'm now 80, retired and also disabled, but I well remember a different time when my need for community was extremely wanted and also difficult to obtain. This was when I'd just completed grad school and moved to a new city. For me, mere time was a way in which my wants and needs for others, for a sense of community, subsided considerably. I needed a routine with some predictability and "settling in" to a new city and new job. These things took time. My then-wife and I joined a church and the choir and that was helpful. (I know you said religion isn't your thing but am just saying what was helpful for me.) I also became close friends with a few of my work colleagues. This was before wifi and the internet and cable. I'd say, overall, time made a positive difference. It took time for positive things to happen. . . .
Funny thing is, I made a move from the south to the Northeast and I feel like the culture here in the Northeast is much more to my liking. People do their own thing and don't bother with frivolous small talk quite as much, and I like it. I love it!
Judge, your comments here remind me of how things changed for me, going from public schools, childhood-into-adolescence-into-adulthood. I was quite surprised how things changed as I became an adult. Differences in things may have been noticed but there was no longer any making-fun-of others' differences. I wondered why this change had taken place. I thought that I'd always be made-fun-of but things had pleasantly changed. I wondered if it were because, as adults, we were into making a living. For instance, if a sales person wanted to make a sale, making-fun-of someone would assure that the sales person would NOT make a sale!When I spoke of such transitions, it was in a different era long ago before the national population began to migrate in every direction. And one involving very different social dynamics when it came to things like race and religion, apart from regional differences and age considerations as a child- not an adult.
Though in Nevada presently it's rare when I run into anyone with a regional accent other than what it typical of the west coast. Making such a transition in school could be brutal, with so many kids making fun of a subtle, Southern accent . Same went for anyone from Texas as well. But then in Virginia I also recall how anyone from California took some heat as well. They got me coming and going. But it was very long ago.