Deleted Okcupid acct -- truly at the end of my road.

[OreoSpeedwagon]

I'm just... I'm done.

I don't know how to go forward from here.

Dozens upon dozens of Okcupid "conversations" that go nowhere.

Hundreds upon hundreds of profiles of people I don't relate to at all, all of them repeating the same boring, cliched drivel.

Finally met one weird Aspie girl, actually went on a date with her, only to have to write and say she'd met someone else, some Mormon guy who was trying to get her to go to church.

I still have the POF account up, but that's pointless, too.

My friend said, "Wow, you've talked to tons of girls, a lot of them hot, why haven't you gone on any dates?"

a) I don't really push hard for going out and meeting, going on dates. Don't mind it, I'd just rather get to know a girl for a bit.
b) I don't relate to any of these twats to begin with.
c) They're SO boring to "converse" with.
d) Zero emotional/intellectual connection with any of them. To me, they just all seem like zombies.
e) I can be aggressive, rude, nitpick their profiles, just to entertain myself.

Do I want to force myself to go out with them? Not really. I'm sure if I were a little more friendly and "normal", I could acquire more dates. I just refuse to do something I don't feel like doing.

I think Okcupid and POF is just the wrong pool of people. It's just a big swath of "normals".

I'm putting all of my energy and time (and dozens of re-writes of my profile) into the *wrong people*. I'm barking up the wrong tree. It's never gonna work. It's a one in a million shot. Okcupid and POF attracts a certain kind of dumbed-down, boring girl. A good half on POF are functionally illiterate. There are a lot of "sophisticated" Okcupid girls, but most just seem full of themselves, wrapped up in themselves and their careers, schooling. They're about as interesting as drywall.

If there were a good Aspie/weirdo/introvert dating site, that would be great, but I sure haven't found one.

All I'm looking for is just some really weird, introverted, Avoidant Personality Disorder/Aspie type who rarely leaves the house, but is full of the same level of passion and emotion I am.

It's always been hard. It's never been easy, dating. I so rarely connect with or like anyone, beyond a physical level.

I used to acknowledge to myself how different I was -- then, for the past seven or eight years -- I've shed all that, and now I walk around like I'm just "normal". "Hey, I'm normal, I'm mostly just like everyone else, with a few quirks."

Ah, no. No, I'm not *anything* like most people. And I'm extremely lonely because of it. I don't know *what* to do.

 

[Peace]

Hey, hang in there.
I know exactly what you mean.I believe that relationships come along only when we are not looking for them. Dating sites suck, and you laid a pretty tall list of credentials out there too. I think that an Aspie or an Autism dating site would be great. Perhaps, since you will have a lot more free time it sounds like, you could start one. Then you could make it whatever you wanted.
If not, I think you had the right idea. BE YOURSELF. If someone does not accept you for who you are, it is not Love, is not worth it, and will never work out anyways. I think a lot of us understand the "Lonely" feeling. It is the hard times that make us who we are.
You are in my prayers,
Peace

 

[Thesaurusrex]

I don't have much to contribute beyond - I know how you feel. :unhappy:

I have been trying the dating site thing and it's yielded a long list of boring, unintelligent, standard conversations with boring, unintelligent people who pretty much just seem to want to have sex.

As Peace said, an Aspie/Autism dating site would be a great idea, somebody with the skills get on to that! :giggle2:

Keep trying, Oreo. Good things take time, right?

 

[OreoSpeedwagon]

I don't have much to contribute beyond - I know how you feel. :unhappy:

I have been trying the dating site thing and it's yielded a long list of boring, unintelligent, standard conversations with boring, unintelligent people who pretty much just seem to want to have sex.

As Peace said, an Aspie/Autism dating site would be a great idea, somebody with the skills get on to that! :giggle2:

Keep trying, Oreo. Good things take time, right?

Here's one:

Aspie Affection

Now look at the stats:

Total Male Members: 5526
Total Female Members: 1961

Yeah... that isn't going to work.

I just wish POF and OKC had more settings for searching for different personalities and disorders. That would solve the problem.

 

[King_Oni]

Looking around on such sites as well in the past I know where you're coming from and that was before I actually had a diagnosis thus had a "valid" claim to look perhaps an aspie girl or whatever.

I did however find most people on those sites boring. A fair share were full of themselves like you mention and only living for their career. I ended up mailing a few of these people and ask how they'd actually expect to find someone. Afterall, if your career is that important you will prioritize and if there's something someone who wants to meet other people doesn't want it's to be on the bottom of that list. It seems that such people would like to have a significant other just "on the side". Perhaps even just so they have someone to bring along when they have some kind of thing going on like a party or so.

For a while I thought I had high standards and that it might be the cause for a lack in contacts. But I don't believe that I should lower my standards just to find someone. That in the end will get into silly arguments and be a waste of both of our time.

All I'm looking for is just some really weird, introverted, Avoidant Personality Disorder/Aspie type who rarely leaves the house, but is full of the same level of passion and emotion I am.

That's a really, really narrow thing to look for. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but in my humble opinion, it's hoping that you'll connect with that really special someone, who in fact, might exist but might not be on said website. Or lives on the other side of the country (which I will get back to in a second). I'm honestly surprised about the amount out people who aren't that social (APD, aspies etc.) that sign up on any website that involves other people to interact with.

The numbers you write down on a site like Aspie affection... you're located in a country that has roughly 315 million people. Get back to me when you try a similar thing in a country with roughly 16 million. On such a small scale you'll go through the site in a few hours and pretty much see all profiles (and can pick out who changed what in a monthly repeat; just based on the numbers you provide a similar site in the Netherlands would have under 100 female members). Besides; Less women than men? Perhaps there's reasons for it. For a long while it has been said (and some therapists probably still believe this) that Asperger's is predominantly a male thing and female aspies are more rare. And here's what I have perceived in the past as a significant group of the female aspie demographic that's not really interested in relationships at all. So why would this group be represented equally? I must add, it's a personal experience, there's no actual research on what I just claimed (so there will be no citation, heh).

There's a thing that comes to mind from my own situation, since I did manage to find that random aspie girl and have been together with for the past 16 months. My girlfriend lives about 100 miles from my place, so it's kinda long distance-ish. We've pretty much established that moving in together wouldn't work over a variety of reasons (and income, employment, welfare checks is among that), so it will not really improve in terms of less long distance.

So, that's just something I've been wondering... I'm well aware that the US is a bigger place than my country, but 100 miles is still 100 miles. It just makes me wonder how much is acceptable for you to defeat this loneliness.

Also; I've found that standard dating websites never worked for me. Most (potential) relationships I've gotten into were through more specific sites. I guess I can label myself as someone with a preference to alternative lifestyle and thus I got more from that than a "normal" datingsite. It's not that I would mind to date someone who is not into such a lifestyle, but I've found that inherent weirdness is more ok if there's at least a common thing going on. And "looking for a date" isn't really the thing you should have in common.

The idea of having a broader scale of disorders as a profile search... it might work, but there's a big group of people that are already weary on what they put on a profile. And with employers scouring the internet for potential employees, it might remain an unused function. I don't want to know how many people got turned down because a recruiter found out something on facebook or even okcupid about a potential employee that didn't suit them.

 

[OreoSpeedwagon]

Looking around on such sites as well in the past I know where you're coming from and that was before I actually had a diagnosis thus had a "valid" claim to look perhaps an aspie girl or whatever.

I did however find most people on those sites boring. A fair share were full of themselves like you mention and only living for their career. I ended up mailing a few of these people and ask how they'd actually expect to find someone. Afterall, if your career is that important you will prioritize and if there's something someone who wants to meet other people doesn't want it's to be on the bottom of that list. It seems that such people would like to have a significant other just "on the side". Perhaps even just so they have someone to bring along when they have some kind of thing going on like a party or so.

For a while I thought I had high standards and that it might be the cause for a lack in contacts. But I don't believe that I should lower my standards just to find someone. That in the end will get into silly arguments and be a waste of both of our time.



That's a really, really narrow thing to look for. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but in my humble opinion, it's hoping that you'll connect with that really special someone, who in fact, might exist but might not be on said website. Or lives on the other side of the country (which I will get back to in a second). I'm honestly surprised about the amount out people who aren't that social (APD, aspies etc.) that sign up on any website that involves other people to interact with.

The numbers you write down on a site like Aspie affection... you're located in a country that has roughly 315 million people. Get back to me when you try a similar thing in a country with roughly 16 million. On such a small scale you'll go through the site in a few hours and pretty much see all profiles (and can pick out who changed what in a monthly repeat; just based on the numbers you provide a similar site in the Netherlands would have under 100 female members). Besides; Less women than men? Perhaps there's reasons for it. For a long while it has been said (and some therapists probably still believe this) that Asperger's is predominantly a male thing and female aspies are more rare. And here's what I have perceived in the past as a significant group of the female aspie demographic that's not really interested in relationships at all. So why would this group be represented equally? I must add, it's a personal experience, there's no actual research on what I just claimed (so there will be no citation, heh).

There's a thing that comes to mind from my own situation, since I did manage to find that random aspie girl and have been together with for the past 16 months. My girlfriend lives about 100 miles from my place, so it's kinda long distance-ish. We've pretty much established that moving in together wouldn't work over a variety of reasons (and income, employment, welfare checks is among that), so it will not really improve in terms of less long distance.

So, that's just something I've been wondering... I'm well aware that the US is a bigger place than my country, but 100 miles is still 100 miles. It just makes me wonder how much is acceptable for you to defeat this loneliness.

Also; I've found that standard dating websites never worked for me. Most (potential) relationships I've gotten into were through more specific sites. I guess I can label myself as someone with a preference to alternative lifestyle and thus I got more from that than a "normal" datingsite. It's not that I would mind to date someone who is not into such a lifestyle, but I've found that inherent weirdness is more ok if there's at least a common thing going on. And "looking for a date" isn't really the thing you should have in common.

The idea of having a broader scale of disorders as a profile search... it might work, but there's a big group of people that are already weary on what they put on a profile. And with employers scouring the internet for potential employees, it might remain an unused function. I don't want to know how many people got turned down because a recruiter found out something on facebook or even okcupid about a potential employee that didn't suit them.

I've always liked the Netherlands. Been there once.