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Delayed understanding?

P

Poppy98

Member
Am I the only one who tends to understand the conversation better much later/ much too late?

Any tips for remedying this?

The only tip that I've found for myself is that when I'm less engaged in the conversation, I'm also more intentional about my decisions, if only barely. It doesn't speed up the length of time it takes to figure out that what they just did was hypocritcal, unfair, unethical or illegal (the things I should probably process most rapidly). I get too caught up in the content of the conversation itself.
 
I think you're talking about Audio Processing Disorder.

The short explanation is that it takes us longer to process sounds in to thoughts, and thoughts in to sounds. This affects many of us to varying degrees, me included.

I'm fine talking to one person, I can handle two people at once pretty well, when you add a third person to the conversation I start to notice my responses lagging, it takes longer for me to come up with comments to add and I start missing opportunities to speak. Any more people than that at once and I just fall further and further behind, by the time I've processed a comment and come up with a response of my own the conversation has already moved on and I'm too late.

I only found 2 different ways around this and I used both depending on the situation. Sometimes I was more than happy to get pushed to the periphery of the conversation, it was more relaxing to just sit in the background and smile and nod where appropriate. Or if I was getting bored with that I'd dominate the conversation, if I was the one doing all the talking then I didn't have to listen.

As for being easily led sometimes, that happens to all of us and it's lessons we can only learn the hard way.
 
Outdated said:
I think you're talking about Audio Processing Disorder.
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Tbh I'm not sure. It could be. I can tell you which words were said and type them or (one upon a time) find a Spanish equivalent for them as the person speaks so I'm getting part of it. It's more about implications, ulterior motives, trends based on the advice from others but which I knew about prior to the conversation and the only part left was applying it.

I'll have to look into that and see if that's what's going on. I wouldn't be shocked if it was, thanks for the tip!
 
Poppy98 said:
I'll have to look into that and see if that's what's going on. I wouldn't be shocked if it was, thanks for the tip!
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I'm inclined to think that @Outdated is spot-on about Audio Processing Disorder. One of those issues that seems very prevalent among our ranks as autistic people.

His description of it parallels my own to a tee. Where to really digest what was said, I often have to reflect on it after the fact. Worse in having to follow more than one person at a time. That my ability to multitask during a conversation often wanes in real time. Which admittedly at times does put me at a disadvantage in terms of communication.

Yet mentally if it doesn't involve direct communication with another person, I can multitask quite effectively in other cases. Go figure.
 
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Poppy98 said:
Am I the only one who tends to understand the conversation better much later/ much too late?
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Nope. I think you will find it is quite common among those of us on these forums.

Poppy98 said:
Any tips for remedying this?
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Looking into audio processing disorder as Outdated said is a good start. Otherwise, I'd say awareness is key - now that you know you do this, try to take conversations slowly and not make any decisions or commitments mid conversation if you can. Give yourself the time you need to process things by learning phrases like, "I'll have to get back to you on that..." or "I don't know... let me think about that for a bit."

When possible, communicating through writing can help. I think that is one reason why a lot of people enjoy the format of this place. We have time to read, comprehend, and respond in a more comfortable way than face to face conversation.

I wonder if you might find this thread interesting:
 
Here it is called Auditory Processing Disorder.

Yes I have it. But I also have conversations that sit in the back storage room of my mind and apparently someone is working on them because suddenly a light bulb will go off and I understand something from years or even decades ago.
 
Sometimes have had realizations that there were some kinda subtext going on days later after a conversation. That feels alittle unfair . At the time. but being non commital until you have thought things over is always a prudent thing to do. Am likely to suspect dishonesty
in the interaction ,if there is immediate pressure to decide . And then , I may dissect the language used. in the conversation. And if further pressured , may just disconnect from the convo, rude or not .
 
WhitewaterWoman said:
Here it is called Auditory Processing Disorder.

Yes I have it. But I also have conversations that sit in the back storage room of my mind and apparently someone is working on them because suddenly a light bulb will go off and I understand something from years or even decades ago.
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Yep that's me exactly. However, my whole mind is slow, not just auditory. To slow to do any kind of multitasking. I can't even listen and take notes at the same time. If I'm writing anything, then I can't listen or vice versa. That was a major problem in school.

I'm unable to listen to music and lyrics at the same time.

This has been my whole life. Never got any better or worse. I have just had to try working around it.
 
Poppy98 said:
Am I the only one who tends to understand the conversation better much later/ much too late?

Any tips for remedying this?

The only tip that I've found for myself is that when I'm less engaged in the conversation, I'm also more intentional about my decisions, if only barely. It doesn't speed up the length of time it takes to figure out that what they just did was hypocritcal, unfair, unethical or illegal (the things I should probably process most rapidly). I get too caught up in the content of the conversation itself.
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No you are certainly not the only one who understands the subtexts much later.
I dont know of any tips to remedy this - it just is how I am.

What you describe about the about the ethics of the conversation etc - sounds really like my expereince too.
 
In my case, I think the social anxiety and processing of social cues takes too much cognitive effort, so what's being said is only grasped moments later. It may be a lack of exposition too: had I been more exposed to social situations, I would have been able to automatize some behaviors.
 
Outdated said:
I think you're talking about Audio Processing Disorder.

The short explanation is that it takes us longer to process sounds in to thoughts, and thoughts in to sounds. This affects many of us to varying degrees, me included.

I'm fine talking to one person, I can handle two people at once pretty well, when you add a third person to the conversation I start to notice my responses lagging, it takes longer for me to come up with comments to add and I start missing opportunities to speak. Any more people than that at once and I just fall further and further behind, by the time I've processed a comment and come up with a response of my own the conversation has already moved on and I'm too late.

I only found 2 different ways around this and I used both depending on the situation. Sometimes I was more than happy to get pushed to the periphery of the conversation, it was more relaxing to just sit in the background and smile and nod where appropriate. Or if I was getting bored with that I'd dominate the conversation, if I was the one doing all the talking then I didn't have to listen.

As for being easily led sometimes, that happens to all of us and it's lessons we can only learn the hard way.
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This is a big subject for me, because it gets in the way of having friendships or communing with people or of simply having fun and enjoying myself. I spend so much mental effort to just keep up with a tiny portion of what people say--and am always misunderstanding their words and interpreting them in embarrassing, strange ways. I've learned to be on the periphery, like you describe--but there is always the knowledge I am not a part of what is going on around me, am missing out.
 
RemyZee said:
but there is always the knowledge I am not a part of what is going on around me, am missing out.
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I don't mind missing out on stuff I don't connect to. I remember when Big Bang Theory was a thing. I'd constantly have people asking me if I watched it. No.

"But it's for nerds!"
"That's what I'm told. Do you enjoy it?"
"Yes!"
"Exactly."
[ confused look ]

A bit rude, but bluntness is handy for ending conversations you don't wish to be a part of. I also have the issue of being told jokes I don't understand until a day or so later. Even then I don't connect to the humor after recognizing that it was humor. I'm getting better at recognizing humor and being funny myself when around NTs (masking skill), but I'm telling jokes I don't find that funny. I just know that they do.

Fitting in with NTs takes a lot of energy. Of course, fitting in with NDs does, too. We all seem to operate rigidly on different rules and I find the differening rules many NDs live by irksome. Living by MY rules would be more sensible for them is how I see it.
 
Poppy98 said:
Am I the only one who tends to understand the conversation better much later/ much too late?

Any tips for remedying this?

The only tip that I've found for myself is that when I'm less engaged in the conversation, I'm also more intentional about my decisions, if only barely. It doesn't speed up the length of time it takes to figure out that what they just did was hypocritcal, unfair, unethical or illegal (the things I should probably process most rapidly). I get too caught up in the content of the conversation itself.
Click to expand...
I have no tips but you are absolutely not alone.

And please don't be hard on yourself with this - people who are trying to exploit you or hide bad deeds tend to actively hide it; Whether consciously or subconsciously, they often use words and conversational tactics that are superficially innocuous, especially when taken out of context. And while being autistic makes us more vulnerable to being tricked or exploited sometimes, esp when we have language issues, cannot read nonverbal signals or have slow processing (or all of those at once) NTs are frequently tricked and exploited too.

It is a very rare hypocrite who says anything that clearly states hypocrisy, like, "I am
allowed to be rude and cruel to you, but you are not allowed to do the same; Only you are obligated to be considerate and respectful and I can be as awful to you as I want - that is my standard."

It is a very rare person who does illegal things that would ever do them openly or declare their illegal actions openly, unless maybe to someone they suspect or know for sure would have no idea about the illegal nature of what they are talking about or doing or maybe another person involved in the criminal activity -- let alone would they be likely yo actually say even to someone naive who doesn't know of the illegality something like, "Yeah, so this thing I'm doing here? Well it's actually a criminal activity and here are all the ways I try to make sure nobody knows what I'm doing or to pass it off as something else that's not illegal"

And people who are trying to exploit you will be always always always doing everything they can to hide that fact - they may even hide it from themselves...They lie, they mislead, they try to make you think they are crazy if you start to catch on. The only exploitation that isn't done in sneaky, hidden ways involves violent coercion -- and even that is only done openly towards the victim being exploited -- the perpetrator tries to hide it from the rest of the world.
 
I analyze all my conversations to understand what was really behind what they were telling me and in case I missed something. It's not good doing this.
 
The Art of conversation is to make it appear smooth . The only time I do not analyse convos,is when I have known someone along time and the relationship and interaction is good . But I do alot of intuiting of circumtances . Especially when dealing with anykind of Public safety type of individuals .Or Public officials . But have been practicing this since very young . Including my birth family , of which was rather abusive. Getting a balance with people can be a Art..IMHO .
 
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