Death and the autistic spectrum

[inabox]

I have to keep telling myself that there must have been something really really bad that death made it possible to avoid that. There's no way of proving it obviously because it ended up the way it did. But I find it helps to think like that.
No tears doesn't mean you don't care and they might come or they might not. But either way, people will know that you care.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Grief will come when it comes. If you're still clear headed now because of shock or delayed reaction, I guess take advantage of it to let it help your sister prepare funeral arrangements and all that other stuff.

The last close blood relative I lost was a woman's miscarriage. Took a week or two before my grief kicked in, so I made myself useful keeping an eye on everybody, taking over chores, or being somebody to cry on. The last part was very awkward, I know even less what to do with grieving people than excited or angry ones. By the time it was my turn to break down, everybody had mostly dealt with their grief and didn't need me, so it worked out in its own weird way.

 

[inabox]

I have to keep telling myself that there must have been something really really bad that death made it possible to avoid that. There's no way of proving it obviously because it ended up the way it did. But I find it helps to think like that.
No tears doesn't mean you don't care and they might come or they might not. But either way, people will know that you care.

It may sound like I was but I wasn't trying to make it about me, I just wanted to say something that might benefit and say that you're not alone.

 

[StephF]

Death can be somewhat confusing to say the very least. My father recently died 2 days ago after a period of illness.
It is hard to reconcile that one is never going to see/talk to that person again.

I say never, because I have no idea whether there is a life after death but being an atheist I don't believe in an after life.
Although I am well aware that it is one of those things one can be sure of, like taxes.

 

[Nitro]

Jordos arrangements have been made for cremation and the families will have a celebration of his life on on Dec. 27...we want it to be a memorial,not a strict funeral and want it to be a happy time instead of a crying session

Thanks again to all who offered help to me

 

[Lillian]

I got a very disturbing phonecall this morning from my Father informing me that my older sister's son had been killed in a head on automobile accident last night. Shocked and sorry that it happened,but numb from feelings,I made a call to sis and expressed my sorrow to her,but the reality has not set in yet. Loss of one's blood should have hit me harder,but I actually have no emotions at this point. I will move forward and prepare for his funeral,but think that maybe I should be more upset that it happened. My sis has been traveling a fairly rough road for several years and she is devastated by the loss of her only child. I am not sure how to handle all of it myself,but had to share my experience with this forum and get others thoughts on which way to turn.

I'm sorry. I agree with all the posts I read that encourage you to not feel like you "should" feel this or that way. Also, being there for your sister is number one. I'm wondering if "he" was her only child. I ask this because she then would have no children and this could cause her to have an identity crisis on top of her grief. I can only imagine any mom losing a child is horrific.

 

[Nitro]

I'm sorry. I agree with all the posts I read that encourage you to not feel like you "should" feel this or that way. Also, being there for your sister is number one. I'm wondering if "he" was her only child. I ask this because she then would have no children and this could cause her to have an identity crisis on top of her grief. I can only imagine any mom losing a child is horrific.

Jordan was her only child. We will prop her up when she needs it,but we are strong people when it comes to unfortunate times.

 

[Nitro]

Well today was chosen as Jordan's memorial...11 hours of car ride and 7 hours of remembering our family member pretty much finished this old guy off for today...all went well and we had great times talking about my nephew and meeting my new great niece for the first time.
A gathering of love was long overdue for all of the family.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I'm glad it all turned out well. Nothing quite like having a good memorial. Really eases the hurt of passing. =)

 

[inabox]

That's good it went OK, and maybe now you'll feel some "closure" as some people call it. I mean not forgetting your nephew, but being able to keep going without getting stuck in a rutt. I hope the future holds events that you look forward to and it won't all be bad or unhappy.

 

[Lillian]

Thank you for letting us know this "next step". How is your sister doing as far as you can tell?

 

[Nitro]

Thank you for letting us know this "next step". How is your sister doing as far as you can tell?

She is taking it one day at a time...there will be ups and downs that may last forever,but she is strong

 

[Rob]

I have been absent from this forum for a while because of the loss of my father early this month.

I too felt a delayed grief because the full impact did not sink in. My sisters, especially my younger sister, wept freely. However, I did weep as I recalled the wonderful memories of him with our dog Sydney and his amazing energy, sense of humor and his sincere care for us as his family. The grief came in waves of weeping and calm.

I guess all of us experience grief differently. My mom is still grieving over his passing. With her dementia it will take longer to heal from the pain. Visiting the site of his burial brings some healing to her deep sense of loss.

He passed away from congestive heart failure in a long-term care facility. He lived a good life at 87 and a half years.