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Dealing with Death.

Discussion in 'Religion' started by Wolf Prince, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. Juliettaa

    Juliettaa Black Sheep. Society of One. V.I.P Member

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    First expense on your list - a new pair of trousers, preferably with the rear intact to spare your blushes :D
     
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  2. Baeraad

    Baeraad Well-Known Member

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    To be sure. If someone tries to put my mom on life support when the time comes, I think I will consider it my filial duty to pull the plugs out myself if need be. Not to say that I'd be brave enough to do it, only that it would seem like the right thing to do. She's made it very clear throughout my entire life that her worst fear is having a slow and lingering death.
     
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  3. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Has she given you power of attorney?

    Also needs a DNR.
     
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  4. Baeraad

    Baeraad Well-Known Member

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    You know, I'm not sure. Not sure what the rules are where I live, either. I should talk to her about it - chances are, she has looked into it.
     
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  5. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    Yeah I think the way we medically deal with death at the moment is terribly cruel, dragging it out endlessly. We treat our pets more kindly and humanely than we treat our relatives, letting them go quickly and painlessly when life becomes too hard.

    In my Grans last days we were horrified to find out that the nurses had been forcing food into her mouth when she was clenching her teeth in a helpless attempt to refuse, we forbade it when we found out of course but if they hadn't been doing that she would most likely have died much more quickly and suffered far less.
    And a Living Will, I have one as does everyone else in my family.
     
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  6. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

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    Make sure she has had it taken care of if she is in the USA. I don't know what's needed in England or any other country but Power of attorney for healthcare decisions is critical. A living will is also important. Strongly advise this as a former medical social worker who completed these documents for many, many patients.
     
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  7. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Here in California, as well as two other states, the terminally ill (less than 6 months to live) can choose to end their life. You can also choose to be labeled "do not resuscitate" so what Pat describes doesn't happen.
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    ExxxACTLY. :D:eek:
     
  9. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    @Baeraad
    Your description of how you feel about your own death says it exactly the way I feel about my own.
    I also am going through that feeling that it would be sweet relief right now too, and hoping that will
    change.

    The death of others, such as you describe how your parents feel needs to be respected.
    I went through this with both of my parents, only thing they were just the opposite and wanted
    their lives prolonged artificially for as long as possible.
    I was their POA and surrogate in their living wills.
    My Dad was on life support, in a coma, for six weeks before his death.
    I had to fight the medical system to fulfill his wishes as they kept telling me it was hopeless
    and as surrogate I had the authority to pull the plug.
    Dad was afraid of death and somehow in his coma he would yell "Don't let me die."
    (he did towards the end get off of intubation somehow)
    I stayed with him in ICU everyday for 10 hours. If I offered my hand, he could hold onto it so
    tightly I couldn't break loose. He would seem at peace with me, but, if anyone else came in and
    touched him he would moan and holler. I left the TV on his favourite show with Steve Irwin.
    And Steve Irwin died during that time.

    Even in a coma, somehow things were going on with him.
    I did put a DNR on him because I didn't want them to break his chest and give him the paddles.
    Finally his heart stopped.
    But, I fulfilled his wishes and I think he came to a peace about it finally before he went.
     
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  10. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    me personally? I am quite ready for my own demise.
    Sometimes I wonder what is taking so long.

    Death is an absolute. It will come.

    Grief is proof of attachment, love and caring. Loss of an imagined future.
    It can be a sweet sorrow,
    but not a fixed or permanent state of mind.

    It's the social aspect of death I haven't quite figured out yet.

    I'm to act like this or that.
    I'm to conduct myself in a specific way at a funeral.
    I'm to say the correct things.
    I'm to join in with a collective sorrow for a specified amount of time.

    never really got that part right.
    others make it seem so easy.

    my nan died. It felt like I would soon follow of a broken heart.
    I was advised not to cry so much at the funeral. - messy face and making others uncomfortable.

    I'm like, 'you have got to be kidding me !!'
    what madness is this?
     
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  11. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Trust you to spoil the whole day for every body.
    :)
     
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  12. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    So for me. I hope after i die to realize s dream. To spend eternity under a beautiful sunny day. With blue skies soft puffy clouds. Warm sun rays beaming down on a land of green grass. Gently rolling hills and a quiet forest.
    This helps with the picture.
     
  13. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor

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    if you see someone the second they've died ,all I know is it frightened me ,now it feels lonely,i'm sad for an enth of a second then I'm angry .
     
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  14. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    The words 'dealing with death' made me think of a poem
    by e e cummings

    "when(instead of stopping to think)you

    begin to feel of it,dying
    's miraculous
    why?be

    cause dying is

    perfectly natural;perfectly
    putting
    it mildly lively(but

    Death

    is strictly
    scientific
    & artificial &

    evil & legal)"

    E. E. Cummings – Dying is fine | Genius
     
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  15. righan

    righan New Member

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    For me it depends. If I have an emotional attachment to the person or animal, then I am an emotional wreck for days or even weeks. My cat died a few weeks ago and I wasn't able to do anything but focus on that for three days. I couldn't work. I could barely get myself to eat. When in those circumstances, I usually try to find ways to express my feelings ... either by myself through things like screaming or crying and pacing and similar behaviors ... or by talking and talking and talking until I was out of energy ... but eventually it started to pass.

    That said ... when my grand parents died ... I didn't feel anything. The funeral was just an event I had to go to because my mother expected me to go. I have had friends die and I felt nothing.

    The difference was about attachments. I didn't see my grand parents. Their connection to me was biological and that doesn't have any value to me. The friends that died weren't people I saw all the time.

    In order for me to have an emotional attachment, something has to be part of my daily routine ... has to be an active part of my life on a regular basis ... loosing them has to cost me something real. Has to actually change my life. Not be based around some relationship or set of feelings that I'm supposed to have because I know them or are related to them or dated them once upon a time.

    I general, I have a very small circle of people who are actually in my routine .... other than our cats, my mother, my wife, and my best friend ... I don't have any friends or family that I see often enough that them dying will actually impact my life a whole lot and I'm not really sure I care if i see them again and so I'm not really sure i will care when they die. I'll be upset that it upsets my wife and my other friends, but I wont personally feel anything unless they do.

    Death in general has no meaning for me. I can feel bad when the people around me feel bad or when people I care about feel bad, but I am reacting to their suffering ... not to the death itself. I remember when the trade towers fell I couldn't understand why everyone was so upset. I mean, yes, it was a lot of people dying, but there are a lot of people getting killed all over the world all the time and no one seems outraged ... and really, we kind of saw it coming. I mean I wasn't even really surprised.

    In fact, I'm more likely to care about an actor on a show I watch dying than a person I know ... of course, that actor is more a part of my routine and my life ... and their death will have a greater impact ... so its not about localization either ... how I feel and how I attach is about the impact someone has on my life. No impact. No attachment. No mourning.

    So I suppose the way I deal with death in general, is to limit attachments. Although, the thing I am struggling with personally, is my own impending death ... and considering my health, its coming up pretty sooner rather than later ... and I am VERY attached to myself. Call me self-centered, but I will be very upset when I die. Its going to have a huge impact on my routine. ;)
     
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  16. Aspychata

    Aspychata But this is my happy face.....

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    We live on borrowed time. Everyday could be my last day. l don't have to think alot about death because l am preoccupied with get life right, doing it aspie right. An Aspie cemetery would be plot for one only, with no markings. l went to a Chinese celebration of the day the relative passed. We burned paper money for them to spend, we lit cigarettes, apparently they smoked, and filled a small glass with liquor, and small plates of their favorite foods. In Japan, when a female aborts a baby, they actually bury it. I wished America did this.

    @righan l understand that. l also limit my attachments, it's a survival mode thing for me. l prefer not to be attached.
     
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  17. jorgealarcon

    jorgealarcon Active Member

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    Avoiding funerals so not to be reminded of death I understand is to keep oneself from becoming depressed, but dodging the entire issue of death is not going to help you in the long run. You have to deal with the issue seriously. Running away from it is like a child fleeing from a fire that's chasing him down the hill.
     
  18. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    I have my own views on death. It doesn't mirror the emotions or views of the people morning. I accept it another way and honor their memory.