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Corrupt A Wish

Granted. You need to eat like a bird now, which is much more than people who make up expressions think. People are wondering about the string of murders that are heading approximately in the direction you are travelling. Good luck explaining to the authorities.

I wish I could go to Rome.
 
Granted, you are now in Rome looking at the few Da Vinci's that the Vatican museum holds and wondering how anyone could sculpt or paint by candlelight.

I wish I had a real florentine panini and an espresso.
 
Granted. It's from Florence, who for some reason wants you to kiss her grits.

I wish someone would clear the ice from the back lane.
 
Granted, the sun came out and melted it all into a puddle and it eventually flowed into a river.

Wish my tap water tasted better.
 
Granted, it will taste much better, but it will also poison you and kill you if you drink as much as a cup full of it.

I wish was fit and healthy like a teenager again.
 
Granted. You are in the same shape as a 14-year-old mayfly.

I wish the Leafs would win tonight.
 
Granted, although you have to stand on tip toe and tip toe around your bed three times singing an Abba song.

Wish that I had cookies.
 
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Granted. While at Tim's you sit down with a coffee and a boston cream doughnut. Someone brushes us against you with their tray, and as she sits down beside you, her boston cream slides off her plate onto the floor. You offer her yours, and the romance begins.

I wish that my province had mandatory inspections for any used cars re- sold here, so that the really noisy ones were not allowed.
 
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Granted. However, no vehicles pass as the English "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" text is not 20% smaller than the French version of said text.

I wish I could find more correctly-sized Haggar khakis on sale at Sears before they close forever.
 
Granted. Yet, Haggar khakis shrink in hot water and as the XL sizes and the small sizes are the only ones now available, it's best to buy a larger size. And either shrink them in hot water or have them altered to fit.

Wish that I had been able to plant all of the bulbs I bought, before everything froze yesterday.
 
Granted. All you get, however, are 40-watt incandescents.

I wish that the city didn't have to cause over 12 hours of traffic chaos in my area due to the Santa Claus parade.
 
Granted. They tar and feather you after your wish cancels the Santa parade and Santa gets really upset and cancels Christmas.

I wish that I lived outside the city so we could view the stars better.
 
Granted, but the old growth trees are so tall that you'll have to climb them to achieve a panoramic view, and doing that in the dark is problematic.

I wish I may I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight, for warmer temperatures tomorrow.
 
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Granted, but you have to live in flat Southern Mexico for the rest of your life, with an average high of 90 in the winter and 103 in the summer. You'll get a chuckle at the Mexicans wearing jackets anytime it dips below 75 and they say "muy frio, muy frio" (very cold, very cold).

I wish it would dip below 70 here tomorrow.
 
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Granted. It will be 67 Kelvin. I'd bundle up if I were you.

I wish for the guns to be at a lower volume today.
 
Granted. They were loud, but the kilted bagpipers drowned them out.

I wish at times, for the company of my old friends who live far away.
 
Granted. The company they give you is about to go bankrupt. Have fun.

I wish I could go on a Christmas vacation.
 
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