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Coping with Change

Cazelle

Well-Known Member
I struggle with changes. Big and small. I'm not sure why? I know I struggle more than the 'average' person by a long shot. I'm guessing it is part of the ASD side of me? I get stressed if a company changes the packaging on a product, I will almost have a panic attack if the supermarket is rearranged, I feel sick and sluggish when my schedule changes (and I have to keep checking it), I feel on edge even if a friend changes their hair colour. I don't know if it is a control thing or what.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this? Any ideas on how to get through it? I have some big changes happening in my life and I can't even begin to process them. I'm stuck.
 
You're not alone in this. I think that most, if not everyone here, struggles with this to some extent. I struggle mostly with sudden changes. Last minute changes to an arrangement or schedule at last minute. I like to plan and know what to expect, to know what's going to happen in advance. If I don't know what to expect, it causes anxiety. I cope with changes by mentally (and perhaps physically) preparing for what is coming, and if something changes suddenly, it disrupts this process and makes me feel unprepared, and that leads to anxiety. I don't like the feeling of loss of control.

For planned changes, changes you know are coming, you can plan and prepare for them. Have a plan B in case plan A doesn't work out. Walk yourself through them mentally, do research and familiarise yourself with the new situation. When you get used to the idea, it might not seem so bad.

For unplanned changes, there's often not a lot you can do to prevent them happening and you just have to deal with them when they do. How you deal with it will depend on the situation. Supermarkets changing their product displays is something that will completely throw me but it's something that will happen from time to time. However you can plan for when they happen to some extent. My strategy would be to walk around the supermaket and make a note of where things are, what is in each aisle. Familiarise myself with it, before attempting to do a grocery shop. Other unexpected 'surprises' are harder to deal with and can cause me to react negatively with unpleasant consequences. I wish I knew a way to deal with these too.
 
I don't think I'm quite that extreme (I don't like new packagings, and sometimes I swear it makes the contents taste differently, but I can usually shrug that off with a "hrmpf!"), but you're definitely not alone in disliking change, no. I would very much prefer it if everything had the decency to stay the same forever. Alas, the universe is very unreasonable and insists on entropy being constantly increasing. :p

As someone dealing with imminent change in a part of my life I thought was safely constant, my best advice is to try to examine what things will be like from now on. Go through them with a fine comb and try to imagine all the different aspects of it, how it will impact each individual part of your life. Talk it through with some people if you can, preferably ones who have gone through the same thing (and definitely preferably ones who at least theoretically understand that change isn't fun and exciting for you). The more you feel like you understand it in its various ramifications, the more safe and unthreatening it will get, even if it will take a long while before it feels comfortably normal again.
 
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After you've experienced changes for some time, they have less effect on you apparently. Once a bakery with the only whole wheat bread I could eat in this area, had it's baker retire. It happened also in a city that I lived in for more than thirty years as well. They stopped selling the only bread I could eat.

For some time I was quite upset, and began making my own bread off and on for years, in fact today I just put four loaves in the oven ten minutes ago. It was the same at the health food store, when they stopped making peanut butter. I made my own for awhile. It still upsets me years later. I would drive for five hours to buy a specific brand of coffee beans, that they didn't sell here.

Became tired of making those trips once a month, for coffee beans. And eventually ten years later switched to another brand. I didn't like to, I don't feel the same about this coffee, it does not taste the same at all. And I'm less enamored of coffee than I used to be. In fact I could probably now give up coffee entirely on that basis.

I don't know what to tell you, only to commiserate as I know exactly how it feels. Somehow in a world that is in continual change, there is something of a constant in having the same kind of coffee and toast for breakfast.
 
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I struggle with changes. Big and small.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this? Any ideas on how to get through it? I have some big changes happening in my life and I can't even begin to process them. I'm stuck.

Most assuredly you are not alone.

Yeah. Guilty as charged. I spent most of my adult life rationalizing that work and life in general is far too dynamic to resist change. True enough for most of us. :eek:

But the reality is that I was simply fooling myself. I absolutely loathe change.

Liberating to admit here too. I deal with it only because in those cases where I have to and am able to. :cool:

Inability to Change
 
I hated change so much when I was little that if my mom had to introduce me to a new place, she'd take me there before the big event if she could and show me around so I wouldn't be totally lost. If I was starting a new grade in elementary school, for example, she would take me to the school and show me where my new classroom was and make sure I knew which wing of the school was for kids in my grade and where the playground was for my grade. Even today if I am traveling to a city where I haven't been I order a street map-a paper one-off the internet and make sure I know where everything is located.
 
Unexpected change in grocery stores can bother me a lot, especially if the store is large. I think my ADD kicks in when I can't find something. If I let myself get upset, I can be looking at all the choices and not see what I am looking for, even though it is there among the other products. It throws me into a vast "disconnect". The best solution is to keep calm and rethink the product hunt. I try to stay focused if I am working from a list, but I can easily forget my list of 4 things because I get sidetracked by other stuff getting my attention. Not good, not fun. I do my best to remain as calm as possible. I even walk slowly. I get more confused by those ceiling signs that identify what is down each aisle. If I have a product in my head, and I read the categories of products 6 at a time across the ceiling, I forget what I am looking for because I just clouded my head with all the categories. Moving a product from where I expect to find it causes me a little bit of stress. Giving in to the stress is where the wave of ADD slides in. My only recourse is to refuse to get upset because that's how the domino effect begins. Change, in general, doesn't bother me until it confuses me. I don't like being confused. That sets off the ADD. Years ago, I stopped buying breakfast cereal because the selection was too big. All those cartoon colors and pictures trying to get my attention turned me off to buying the products. I'm the same way now with anything in the frozen food cases. Why invite the aggravation? I am not brand loyal, so shopping is more "catch of the day". I don't eat a lot of packaged, processed food anyway, but I don't like playing hide and seek with things I need.
 
I struggle with changes. Big and small. I'm not sure why? I know I struggle more than the 'average' person by a long shot. I'm guessing it is part of the ASD side of me? I get stressed if a company changes the packaging on a product, I will almost have a panic attack if the supermarket is rearranged, I feel sick and sluggish when my schedule changes (and I have to keep checking it), I feel on edge even if a friend changes their hair colour. I don't know if it is a control thing or what.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this? Any ideas on how to get through it? I have some big changes happening in my life and I can't even begin to process them. I'm stuck.


That has to be hard. Everything changes on purpose. Can you examine where change derailed you in your past life. Where you raised feeling slightly out of control or that constant chaos was used to disrupt your childhood?

l use change to see if l am on top of my game. Kinda of like a mental challenge. So if the store has moved something, l decide is it worth the aggravation of finding it.

If a time changes for an event, did l really want to go? Every change is a chance for me to evaulate how attached am l to this. Maybe think back to where you felt out of control in your lifetime, see if you can work through this. It's worth a shot.
 
Thanks for all the replies - it is nice to know I am not alone!

I would very much prefer it if everything had the decency to stay the same forever

I agree with this, especially the basics. Why do shops have to move, rearrange or rebrand? Just stay the same!

If I let myself get upset, I can be looking at all the choices and not see what I am looking for, even though it is there among the other products. It throws me into a vast "disconnect".

This happens to me. Focus gone, panic sets in, can't see what is in front of me or remember which category items should be under. I will invariably leave the supermarket without things I needed.

I have a big change in my life and I can't process it. Can't think about it, its as if there is a physical block in my brain. If I have to think about other things in a similar realm, I cry and get very anxious. I can't even write it here, sorry. I don't know how other people who've been in a similar situation have coped? It seems impossible to me.
 
The little changes can cause anxiety for me.
Like new changes in the house, staying at a new place, plans that change, and yes, that changing things
around in a store I despise. Driving the same roads helps when I have to drive.

Big changes in life, like loss of loved ones and family or
having to live on your own or alone when you never have done it.
Those are the big ones for me and I haven't figured out how to feel normal about my life
since. I don't know how others cope or adjust. I survive.
I wish things never changed also that you are used to and comfortable with.
There was no time of chaos or loss of control in my life until I lost the life I was familiar with.
 
Struggling to move. I have been kinda of unhappy about my current living situtation but l can't blame anyone but myself for it. l hate moving, l really am a homebody, l prefer to relax at home. So l need four walls, age has caught up with me and l need my downtime even more than last year. So in this case, l welcome change. Change brings new thought processes, it can help you find passion, renew passion about life. l rely heavily on change to help me reinvent myself and stay relevant on everything. I do wish everything would stay the same, but alas, we all know this will never happen. So l have slowly learned that responding negatively is totally pointless.
 
I struggle with changes. Big and small. I'm not sure why? I know I struggle more than the 'average' person by a long shot. I'm guessing it is part of the ASD side of me? I get stressed if a company changes the packaging on a product, I will almost have a panic attack if the supermarket is rearranged, I feel sick and sluggish when my schedule changes (and I have to keep checking it), I feel on edge even if a friend changes their hair colour. I don't know if it is a control thing or what.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this? Any ideas on how to get through it? I have some big changes happening in my life and I can't even begin to process them. I'm stuck.
You


You are not alone . I’m like this too.
 
I struggle with changes. Big and small. I'm not sure why? I know I struggle more than the 'average' person by a long shot. I'm guessing it is part of the ASD side of me? I get stressed if a company changes the packaging on a product, I will almost have a panic attack if the supermarket is rearranged, I feel sick and sluggish when my schedule changes (and I have to keep checking it), I feel on edge even if a friend changes their hair colour. I don't know if it is a control thing or what.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this? Any ideas on how to get through it? I have some big changes happening in my life and I can't even begin to process them. I'm stuck.

I am the same way. I do not think you are alone. It is a real problem I have. I need things to stay the same and even small changes upset me a lot. I do not want to be like this but it is who I am.
 
I am the same way. I do not think you are alone. It is a real problem I have. I need things to stay the same and even small changes upset me a lot. I do not want to be like this but it is who I am.

It's tiring, isn't it? I have to head to a shop shortly that rearranged its layout about six months ago and I still hate it. I feel uneasy, unsettled and lost. Pity it is the only fabric shop nearby!
 
Funny thing is I shopped at the same grocery store for years. For some reason they decided to rearrange the entire store. I returned once for a short time and I’ve never gone back. I was so unsettled I went to another grocery store, learned it and that’s where I’ve been going since. ;)
 
It's tiring, isn't it? I have to head to a shop shortly that rearranged its layout about six months ago and I still hate it. I feel uneasy, unsettled and lost. Pity it is the only fabric shop nearby!

It is exhausting and it causes me such panic but maybe the worst is how ashamed I feel about it. Sometimes I really wish I wasn't the way I am but it is the only person I can be. I do not have a choice. So many good things about being aspie, my post would be too long if I began to list them. This is one part that makes me pretty unhappy though. On the other hand, having things exactly the same also gives me pleasure that I think most people cannot enjoy.

I have a digital food scale I use to measure things to the gram and I eat most of the same things every day at the same time. I watch the same shows. I read the same book beginning to end for decades.

I often think about the book, "The Speed of Dark" by Elizabeth Moon. I relate so much to the main character. I like how clean he keeps his car and home and does the same things. Sometimes I wish I could live in stories like that.
 

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